Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

Have you considered meditating on a daily basis? There’s also mindfulness Cognitive Behavorial Therapy, which sounds intriguing. In general, anecdote of 1, but I find that frequent, consistent meditation can have a very positive effect. Mindfulness meditation can be a good starting point, but recently I’ve found a lot of value in “emptiness” and compassion focused meditation. The book, “A Profound Mind”, by the Dalai Lama was really good (for me). Eastern philosophy has quite a lot to say about “self”, which might be helpful in your case.

Yes, I wish I could PM you.

I spent lots of time in front of therapists as well. What I got for it was an education in how I got to be who I am today. My recommendation is to save your money, watch School of Life videos (https://www.theschooloflife.com/) and you can figure out why you are you. The short answer is; your upbringing, because it's very hard to change that internal original programming.

The goal of therapy is 'know yourself'. So when you do eventually do 'know yourself' therapy is not going to be much help; you have achieved the goal of therapy.

(Side note: If you have had recent or unresolved trauma then 'yourself' has changed, go back to therapy to locate the new you.)

Although I do not like the term AT ALL, it sounds like you know who you are; you are a person with 'low self esteem'. I too, had "Low self esteem" as the therapists put it. What they didn't say is "Ok here's what you do with that".

Here is what I heard: "Go volunteer. Give back. Help others.".

Bullshit. That is misguided advice. You end up acting charitable and feeling used.

Or I hear "Go out, meet people."

Also, bad advice. I'm struggling and you are asking me to put social interactions on top of that too? No.

A Zen Buddhist monk once told me something that I think is applicable to you. "You can not directly control your emotions, they are too powerful, all you can control is your behavior. Control your behavior long enough your emotions will change."

That goes directly inline with the advice I'm about to give you, which is simply this:

Be competent.

Focus your energy on directing your behavior on being absolutely competent in one single area of your life and get mastery over it; absolute competence.

Once you feel like you have changed and have gained sufficient competency, move to the next thing. Build yourself up brick by brick by your actions and behavior.

It is much, much harder than just sitting talking to a therapist, but an order of magnitude more effective.

I suppose that you first need to identify what's causing your self-esteem issues. I've had a problem with always looking at "the big picture," and consequently, seeing how little of a difference I ultimately make.

I'd recommend reading The Conquest of Happiness by Bertrand Russel [1]. Some great excerpts:

> When I was a boy I knew a man bursting with happiness whose business was digging wells. He was of enormous height and of incredible muscles; he could neither read nor write, and when in the year 1885 he got a vote for Parliament, he learnt for the first time that such an institution existed. His happiness did not depend upon intellectual sources; it was not based upon belief in natural law, or the perfectibility of the species, or the public ownership of public utilities, or the ultimate triumph of the Seventh Day Adventists, or any of the other creeds which intellectuals consider necessary to their enjoyment of life. It was based upon physical vigor, a sufficiency of work, and the overcoming of not insuperable obstacles in the shape of rock. The happiness of my gardener is of the same species; he wages a perennial war against rabbits, of which he speaks exactly as Scotland Yard speaks of Bolsheviks. […]

> But, you will say, these simple delights are not open to superior people like ourselves. What joy can we experience in waging war on such puny creatures as rabbits? The argument, to my mind, is a poor one. A rabbit is very much larger than a yellow fever bacillus, and yet a superior person can find happiness in making war upon the latter. Pleasures exactly similar to those of my gardener so far as their emotional content is concerned are open to the most highly educated people. […]

> To all the talented young men who wander about feeling that there is nothing in the world for them to do, I should say: “Give up trying to write, and, instead, try not to write. Go out into the world; become a pirate, a king in Borneo, a laborer in Soviet Russia; give yourself an existence in which the satisfaction of elementary physical needs will occupy almost all your energies.”

Now, you probably don't want to go that far. But the point is: your life doesn't have to be grand or world-changing in order for you to be happy. You probably won't end up in the history books, but there's still a lot of cool things you can do before you die. You probably won't be the next Charlotte Brontë, but maybe you can write one book. You probably won't be the next Florence Nightingale, but maybe you can donate to the Against Malaria Foundation and save a dozen lives.

[1]: https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.222834

A gentle beginning is a great thing to shoot for. I would second the recommendation of a Starting Strength program, or something similar, where you can work a clear, well-established path with coaches who are familiar with the principles of the training methods, can guide your form, etc.

I started off in a 2x/week one-on-one coaching relationship, and after a few weeks (basically once I had some basic understanding of the main powerlifting exercises) I started attending small group classes 3x/week.

Take your time, focus on form, and work with a knowledgeable coach. You might look for gyms that feature classes in powerlifting or olympic weightlifting.

https://www.barbellmedicine.com/ might be a good resource to check out if you don't have coaches in your immediate area, and you want to have expert guidance.

As a child of the 90's, I recall the self-esteem movement. All kids get a ribbon. All kids participate. Tell all kids how good they are. I think the movement missed the boat. The key word is "self" -- it doesn't come from others (though others might help you see it). Kids knew they sucked at a sport; the ribbon didn't really do much.

To gain self esteem, you must accomplish things. The good news? You get to pick the things. The hard part might be seeing what you've accomplished.

Lift weights and track progress. It is great to see the first time you lift 100, 200, and/or 300 pounds. Grow a garden. Raise a plant. Train a dog. Build a website. Create something tangible. Create something intangible. Finish a book. Have a fun conversation with someone. Help someone. Volunteer. There are so many ways to impact your life or the lives of those around you. Take time to notice the positive impact your actions have on yourself and others. And know that you don't have to be perfect.