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Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

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Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#41

Post by wigl »

matwood wrote: post #18
joncrane wrote: post #10

This is going to sound like circular reasoning, but bear with me: In order to raise self esteem, one must do esteemable things. Volunteer, be kind, let people in in traffic, work out, do these things consciously. You have to spend energy every day. Choose to spend it in positive ways. Note: the results are not instantaneous. Nor are they overpowering. It's subtle, and you often only notice after things have been bett…

I agree with everything you said. I would also add jiu-jitsu. Few things in life can both take someone with too much ego and put it in check, and take someone with a lack of self-esteem/confidence and give it to them. It's hard to overstate the life lessons learned through training.

+1, BJJ kills the ego quickly and forces you to harness your kneejerk self. Started out getting out-classed by everyone, from middle aged heavyweight blue belts to a 14 year old prodigy for months but I learned so much that I’m glad. I find that it triggers the fight-or-flight instinct for me because tapping is like simulated death. I wouldn’t say that confidence is guaranteed, but the cycle of learning in BJJ is so rewarding that it’s hard not to come out with a positive outlook.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#42

Post by mettamage »

supr_strudl wrote: post #13

I’m currently reading Feeling Good ( https://www.amazon.com/dp/0380810336 ). It was recommended by someone here on HN. I’m half way through and I’d dare to say it’s already changing my life for the better.

I read Intimate Connections from David Burns (author of Feeling Good) and while it was after my low self-esteem period, I thought to myself "if only I had this book, it'd have taken 2 years less."

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#43

Post by fastball »

riyadparvez wrote: post #32
fastball wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The problem with "professionals" is that they are not incentivized to help you fix root causes either.

> The problem with "professionals" is that they are not incentivized to help you fix root causes either. That's a big accusation against a community of people without any corroborating evidence. Do you have anything to support your claim?

Where is the accusation?

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#44

Post by mettamage »

wolco wrote: post #27

I would recommend the following: https://store.tonyrobbins.com/products/personal-power

Tony Robbins is not science-based. Some resources here are.

I think science-based resources are slightly better on average than things like Tony Robbins. Simply because researchers tend to talk more moderate and less hype, and there's a slightly higher likelihood of what they say is actually true, in my opinion.

That said, one can always see something like Personal Power and take out the inspiring bits and see what works for you.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#45

Post by mettamage »

sfsylvester wrote: post #15

I'm currently in week 4 of the most popular course in Yale [0], but was made available online on Coursera[1]. I think for the most part I've learnt I've learnt that much of what we think about happiness is consistently shown not to work. And that many of our expectations of what we think will make us happy, simply won't. If we want genuine happiness, it takes an honest self-assessment of what we're doing, what's stop…

I wish I had the time to watch this. What are the biggest ideas that you've learned?

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#46

Post by texasbigdata »

wigl wrote: post #14
vsareto wrote: post #7

If you are happy with your current medications, try Vitamin D if you are in a cloudy area or do not get out often. If you're good on those things, try increasing your exercise level. Walk/run/sprint or lifting. You can do body weight exercise at home if you do not feel comfortable in a gym just yet. If you are happy with your exercise level, pick up a new hobby, tech or otherwise.

Not a physician but have heard from others that Vitamin D supplements are not really helpful and just a routine insurance cash grab. In my experience, bright lighting indoors had more of an effect but YMMV.

Conversely I supplement my PCP with a cash pay MD (in a hospital setting with a background from a reputable school) who believes in "wellness" which he views as the flaw in western medicine. Instead of going from sick to ok, he believes we should go from ok to wellness. And he sells mega Vitamin D doses and maybe I'm a sucker but I buy them.

Since its cash pay and I absolutely love testing/scanning myself randomly (any blood/dexa/cortisol/ekg/heart test I can find and afford) we usually spend 20 minutes twice a year going through the science of whatever I'm testing at the time and (typically) shooting down the necessity of whatever crazy thing I want to try next.

But low impact low benefit things like vitamins and a few no-cost hobby things are super under-rated. For example theres a handful of entries on this chart that are low cost with low behavioral change required medium impact that were unexpected for me: https://blog.23andme.com/health-traits/what-patients-say-wor...

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#47

Post by mettamage »

dpflan wrote: post #26

Changing your perspective can be important here, and optimism can be useful to nurture and uphold. Martin Seligman is a renowned psychologist researching such topics, and his book Learned Optimism [1] is illuminating. My father introduced me to this book at point in my life where I was questioning my own abilities and my own future. It helped me breakdown negative thought patterns. I've also recently learned that Cou…

While Martin Seligman didn't make it on my list in my comment. I read him as well and IMO he's completely legit as a psychologist (way more legit than I am, and I even published a paper on the neuroscience/psychology of gamer frustration and engagement). He has studied the concept of learned helplessness (a fascinating concept) and optimism itself.

Simply following his advice will make anyone's life more awesome.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#48

Post by songzme »

I speak from personal experience and this may help or it may not. The one book that boosted my self confidence and changed my life is 12 steps and 12 traditions: https://www.amazon.com/Twelve-Steps-Traditions-Alcoholics/dp...

I read the book and reread it and work the 12 steps into my daily life. The single best thing it did for me is that it made me a more honest person, to others and myself. I no longer try to push myself to make deadlines. When things starts sucking at work, I say it honestly. When I wronged someone, I am quick to apologize. I no longer have the need to fulfill people's expectations and since I have nothing to hide, I look into people's eyes during conversations and I genuinely connect with people better.

I was introduced to this book during AA meetings (which I started going to voluntarily to get the courage to say no to alcohol). The people who go to AA meetings regularly because they choose to, are amazing people. Maybe going there regularly will help you boost your self esteem, as it did mine.

FYI, most people have a hard time with step 2 and 3. If you are like me and don't believe in God, it helps to redefine God. God could be nature, fate, an apple, or whatever makes sense to you that seems like a recurring source of comfort for you. For me, God is the innate goodness in people that makes them want to do right by others.

Good luck.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#49

Post by texasbigdata »

LouisSayers wrote: post #25
matwood wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree with everything you said. I would also add jiu-jitsu. Few things in life can both take someone with too much ego and put it in check, and take someone with a lack of self-esteem/confidence and give it to them. It's hard to overstate the life lessons learned through training.

Totally agree with this. Boxing is also another one that can really boost your self esteem. Just make sure you get in with a good crowd of people, have a good professional coach. 1-on-1 sessions id also recommend. You can do this regardless of age.

I've tried BJJ, weights and now am on year 2 of 1 on 1 boxing lessons with a former pro UFC fighter and boxing seems to me (unexperienced opinion) as by far the slowest, least effective of the three. And by a fairly meaningful margin. But maybe I'm just bad.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#50

Post by texasbigdata »

auston wrote: post #4

Generally speaking: I really liked “The obstacle is the way”. But I have a question: is there any particular part of your life you notice especially low self-esteem?

And the accompanying daily reader which is fantastic. But it's a very slow process going through stoicism if you're currently struggling and suffering more acute symptoms in my opinion.
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