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Ask HN: Hackers falling in love

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Re: Ask HN: Hackers falling in love

#21

Post by fmkamchatka »

Locke wrote: post #8

This is not so much a possibility as an inevitability. Chances are you will fall in love and it will disrupt your life whether you're starting up or doing something else entirely. If you're fortunate, you're new significant other will be a disruptive, yet motivating force. Moving you towards new heights that you had not imagined. But, it's more likely to be a struggle to balance your life's goals with your desire for…

> As for me, I've been with my wife for over 10 years (most of it dating), and... honestly? I think this relationship has had an adverse effect on my goals. I, kind of, think I'd be much more rich and successful had I never met my wife.

Define successful?

Re: Ask HN: Hackers falling in love

#24

Post by marcamillion »

I am fairly young - 27, been married about 5 years, have two kids (both under 3) and am madly in love with my wife.

She doesn't work, and building my startup full-time is VERY stressful - especially since I am bootstrapping, more or less.

As al3x pointed out though, a good mate can really make it MUCH better. I am blessed to have a wife that is understanding and doesn't NEED to go shopping and is high maintenance. Of course, every girl likes to be pampered - but she is very laid back and supportive of what I am doing.

That makes the tough days when everybody else is suggesting that maybe I should 'get a real job' much easier to handle and brush off.

I actually think it is easier to do a startup with an understanding wife, because it adds balance and sanity to your life.

But if you get a bad match...yikes...run!

Re: Ask HN: Hackers falling in love

#25

Post by rphlx »

Locke wrote: post #8

This is not so much a possibility as an inevitability. Chances are you will fall in love and it will disrupt your life whether you're starting up or doing something else entirely. If you're fortunate, you're new significant other will be a disruptive, yet motivating force. Moving you towards new heights that you had not imagined. But, it's more likely to be a struggle to balance your life's goals with your desire for…

There's a significant risk of burnout/major depression for those who stay single to work like hell through their 20s/30s. Significant others are risk reduction: they may impede a major positive outcome, but they can also prevent a very negative outcome.

Re: Ask HN: Hackers falling in love

#28

Post by erikj54 »

I think you have all the advice you need here. Life is messy, it's not always the dream you watched in movies growing up. There is a reason musicians and poets alike have written so much about it. People talk on HN about start-ups being life, as with anything in life that gives you great reward there is a great risk. Love is no different. For you to find happiness you need to enjoy the risk of both. How you do this and manage these different aspects of your life depends on how you tell your stories.

Re: Ask HN: Hackers falling in love

#29

Post by patio11 »

I was at dinner with a young lady who is now my girlfriend a few months ago, and she asked me my plans for the next morning (Saturday). I told her that I was going to be programming (it was during the last week or two prior to AR's launch).

She said: Of course, after all you are a businessman. The job comes first.

I said: No. Not first. Not second, either, unless first is "all the things I love in life."

I had a really really awful no-good bad day today, buisnesswise. It was easily my worst ever on that score. But you know, in the greater scheme of things, if the code fails and the disk dies and my database goes to meet the great truncate in the sky, it will be very stressful for a few weeks, but I'll still have my family, my friends, my girlfriend, my faith, my health, etc.

We've got a lot of pressure and responsibility running companies, but at the end of thhe day, it is a job. You don't live to work, you work to live.

Re: Ask HN: Hackers falling in love

#30

Post by dhs »

jayzee wrote: post #10
Oblivia wrote: post #9

As a woman who sees these young entrepreneurs in their twenties who routinely put work before relationships, I am sometimes dismayed. I've wondered more than once if their growth as men is being stunted. I suspect the stories of sacrificing love on the altar of your startup and the pain involved in doing so are just the stories you don't hear. New love and startups have about the same failure rate. No?

Yes, but when you succeed your start-up takes you to the bank, while your wife takes you to the cleaners ;)

This describes my experience quite well.
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