A good relationship will help you through the stress of a startup.
A bad one will make it much, much worse.
Either way, it's out of your control. If you're in love, you're in love. Make the most of it.
Ask HN: Hackers falling in love
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Re: Ask HN: Hackers falling in love
#12If you are, indeed, in mutual love, then you should be very thankful.
I personally can be more focused while I'm working when I am in a relationship, so I would see it as a benefit. When I'm not in a relationship, there often seems to be this extra "to-do" item that is never done :)
Some people, they fall in love, and that becomes the thing that guides their decisions in their life.
Other people don't - they love their work so much that they put it before anything else. Or, they just don't meet someone, and instead put their energy toward their work.
But it's still possible to use that support as fuel to motivate you. It's just a matter of prioritizing, and making sure you don't neglect either of these important elements in your life.
Re: Ask HN: Hackers falling in love
#13You seem to regard having fallen head over heels as a bad thing.
Be grateful as hell. It doesn't happen to everybody.
Re: Ask HN: Hackers falling in love
#14A muse helps so much.
I know I am supposed to be naturally deeply passionate about every single thing in my life all the time -- that is apparently now standard for educated people, nobody ever feels blasé about anything; feeling blasé is for poor people and stupid people -- but (gasp, horror of horrors) passion is sometimes hard to come by for me. Loving someone gives everything a special glow. Loving someone makes my accomplishments meaningful. Loving someone gives me a reason to rewrite something that was good enough the first time. Loving someone gives me a reason to stay late doing something that will make an impact but won't translate into pay or advancement.
A muse brings everything into sharp relief and makes everything feel more vital and dramatic. It doesn't have anything to do with sex -- a muse can have this effect even if you can't have her, and sleeping with girls you aren't so excited about has the opposite effect, flattening everything out so that accomplishment and slacking off feel exactly the same.
It may even work better in the short run when your muse is inaccessible. In that case you have freedom to manage your side of the "relationship" without worrying about the consequences for her. A muse who loves you back has staying power, though.
Re: Ask HN: Hackers falling in love
#15Support structure, focus and continued encouragement is all I get. In small, daily and consistent doses. I'm diving in full time in March, and can't see myself doing it without the other.
Re: Ask HN: Hackers falling in love
#16This is not so much a possibility as an inevitability. Chances are you will fall in love and it will disrupt your life whether you're starting up or doing something else entirely. If you're fortunate, you're new significant other will be a disruptive, yet motivating force. Moving you towards new heights that you had not imagined. But, it's more likely to be a struggle to balance your life's goals with your desire for…
Amazing writeup. Thanks.
Re: Ask HN: Hackers falling in love
#17Choose love over money.
Always.
Re: Ask HN: Hackers falling in love
#18You have your whole life for startups. Indulgence in love is mostly limited to your 20s. I would suggest enjoy the chemistry till it lasts - startups can wait. The chemistry will bring you more happiness then any amount of big company building would.
Destinations are always pointless, its always the journey. Think of this as a detour from your startup life. In the longer run, detours will give you valuable perspective and make your journeys more meaningful.
Re: Ask HN: Hackers falling in love
#19Sorry; I can't tell if you're just back down to earth and you're in a steady relationship now or if it's over. In case it's the former, here's my two cents. This comes from a place a little further down the road, and therefore it is a little OT, but I'll mention it because I wish I would have heard the same.
You might find that your professional success--perhaps your emotional investment in your business--gives rise to turmoil in your relationship. Many of us strive to get big, go public, get acquired, acquire others, merge, etc. These events are typically wins, but the downsides are loss of control, loss of interest, and perhaps even a bit of depression as a result.
I hope you're successful. If you feel a little off in the course of things, don't let it poison your relationship. Recognize it, act on it, but don't react.
Re: Ask HN: Hackers falling in love
#20Falling in love is not one of life's distractions, its one of life's points. Time well spent.