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Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

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Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#91

Post by loceng »

tomhoward wrote: post #64
iliketosleep wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Isn't this just essentially just a reflection of maslow’s hierarchy of needs? I mean, everybody has their demons, and the founder of the billion dollar company has the time and resources to face those demons by receiving top quality professional assistance, leading him/her closer to some kind of self-actualization. Whereas a large majority of the population (even in developed nations) are still struggling on much low…

No. Emotional healing became my top priority when I was effectively broke and homeless. I mean, I was crashing at my parents and friends’ places, but it was a profoundly miserable (and low-Maslow) state of existence. Founders of break-out successful companies don’t just voluntarily embark on emotional healing practices once they reach the pinnacle of business success. They generally do that when they suffer a humilia…

To add to this, when your ego mind drivers lead you to success giving you potentially unlimited resources - money and time, it is easier to maintain coping mechanisms of distraction - unless there's some traumatic or stressful enough event that "cracks" someone, causing an impetus and necessity to explore change.

Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#92

Post by antoinevg »

loceng wrote: post #79

I don’t want the struggle anymore. I could handle it when my nervous system was stable, when my ego mind had solidified logical pathways to bypass physical, and likely emotional, pain that had started when I was 4 or 5 years old - the full extent of which was masked, hidden, until my journey towards holistic healing practices lead me to Ayahuasca ceremonies - which dissolved my ego and reintroduced me to the intolera…

It took me a decade of tackling no projects at all to get back on a (different) horse.

Healing takes as long as it takes and you cannot predict the person you will be on the other side.

Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#93

Post by pier25 »

tomhoward wrote: post #26

> “We’re all just big, complicated bags of emotion walking around.” This has been the most important discovery from my startup journey, and the topic on which I now place the greatest focus. I was in the YC batch of winter 2009 – the one that included Airbnb. It was a small batch, so we all got to know each other pretty well. There was something that really made the Airbnb founders stand out from the rest in that bat…

This has to be one of the best comments I've read on HN.

I've failed many times in my life on different adventures and it has always been because I couldn't see what was really going on due to frustration, emotional traumas, etc. Of course hindsight is 20/20 and I can see that a lot more clearly now that I turned 40.

Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#94

Post by usrusr »

lbotos wrote: post #59
ericmcer wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is difficult deciding if this is inspiring or discouraging. The way you describe the Airbnb founders it feels like they had some intrinsic ability or talent. I think I have always viewed failure as not working hard enough, or smart enough, almost getting there but just not quite getting it right. Reminders that you may be failing because you might just not have ‘it’, and that no amount of work will get you there a…

> Are most of us just the kids in the middle trying to be the fast ones? Is self-acceptance, tempering of expectations and emotional growth a road to happiness or the silver medal of people who were just not good enough? I used to race bicycles competitively, and our coach grilled into our heads: "It's you vs. the track. The other racers are just obstacles in your way. You are not racing them, you are racing yourself…

What kind of bike racing was that? Because road racing is quite the opposite, the other competitors are everything while the properties of the course are just a minor influence on the all-defining question of which wheel to suck when. But those coach words are still wise and apply even there, if your goal is not to maximise winning but to maximise motivation and happiness (which would actually help winning long term, but the ratio between winners and losers is so bad in that game that you should focus on happiness nonetheless)

Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#95

Post by Zelphyr »

"He dared to ask what would happen if he were to truly listen and hold space, without jamming the meeting with his ideas on what to do and how to solve things."

Over the past year I have made a conscious effort to do this in all my conversations. Two things really stood out for me: first, I was a REALLY bad listener. I would interrupt a lot because I assumed I knew what the person was getting at.

The second is that sooooo many people do that as well and it's incredibly frustrating to be interrupted like that. What's worse; about 75% of the time they are completely wrong about what I'm about to say. Just as I was when I did this. Not long ago, I had finally had my fill with an Amazon support rep and had to interrupt his constant interruptions and say, "You have GOT to stop answering questions I'm not asking." He thankfully realized what he was doing and took a step back to listen to what my problem really was.

Another thing I've noticed is that the smarter the person is and/or perceives themselves to be and/or are told they are, the more they do this. Which means, this happens a LOT in technology circles, which is unfortunate given how critical communication is to our jobs.

It has really made a positive difference in how I deal with people though. In listening to people, and I mean really listening to them (with intent to understand and not just to reply) you learn so much more about that person. You notice things about them that you hadn't noticed before. You come to understand them at a deeper level I feel. This kind of listening is definitely something I'm trying to continue.

Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#96

Post by usrusr »

memn0nis wrote: post #81
tomhoward wrote: post #26

> “We’re all just big, complicated bags of emotion walking around.” This has been the most important discovery from my startup journey, and the topic on which I now place the greatest focus. I was in the YC batch of winter 2009 – the one that included Airbnb. It was a small batch, so we all got to know each other pretty well. There was something that really made the Airbnb founders stand out from the rest in that bat…

Very interesting that your batch recognized that the emotional strength and stability was the important part, rather than the idea.

I doubt that the whole batch had some sort of collective epiphany that made them consider "emotional stability" a key metric. The way I read the story they voted impressed by variety of seemingly unrelated things that all made them stand out in very pragmatic ways that tomhoward only much later identified as sharing a root cause in emotional stability.

Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#97

Post by haecceity »

Zelphyr wrote: post #95

"He dared to ask what would happen if he were to truly listen and hold space, without jamming the meeting with his ideas on what to do and how to solve things." Over the past year I have made a conscious effort to do this in all my conversations. Two things really stood out for me: first, I was a REALLY bad listener. I would interrupt a lot because I assumed I knew what the person was getting at. The second is that s…

Sirrah I'll teach thee a speech. Mark it, nuncle:

  Have more than thou showest,
  Speak less than thou knowest,
  Lend less than thou owest,
  Ride more than thou goest,
  Learn more than thou trowest,
  Set less than thou throwest;
  Leave thy drink and thy whore,
  And keep in-a-door,
  And thou shalt have more
  Than two tens to a score.

Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#98

Post by jstummbillig »

thdrdt wrote: post #84
jstummbillig wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Can you point to a specific text/video of his, that particularly and concisely addresses this point?

Here are some: https://youtu.be/5WX9UEYZsR8 https://youtu.be/M5S6cTQRoU4 He talks mostly about goals in life but I believe the principles are the same. Search keywords: jordan peterson goals

I find these videos to be what I experienced as typical Jordan Peterson ramblings. A clearly above average affluent, above average intelligence speaker, who goes off with what feels like very little preparation or direction. Does very little for me, specially when it comes to the specific topic of "taking time to think things through" that i was inquiring about (but also anything else, really).

Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#99

Post by JacobAldridge »

tomhoward wrote: post #42
JacobAldridge wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thanks for sharing Tom. I enjoyed your recent LI post about some of the recent successes you’ve helped create in multiple businesses - it really seemed (with all the social media caveats) that you’ve been focused and continue to create enormous value around you.

Oh thanks for that. Funny for you to observe that I've seemed “focused”. I've often though that to an outsider who isn't right beside me on this journey, I'd seem incredibly unfocused; since leaving my startup I've worked on almost 10 different projects or contracts. But what I've actually been doing, mostly very privately, is undertaking a highly focused project/experiment in deeply healing my mind and body, whilst…

I guess, as a consultant, for me working on multiple projects or with different businesses is just part of life.

To actually be shipping outcomes: that takes focus.

And I’m glad to hear the ‘source’ project is also progressing strongly.

Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#100

Post by xchip »

canada_dry wrote: post #78
xchip wrote: post #44

what a pretentious headline :/

You're being downvoted, but I agree. I also find it highly convenient that " I operate with an agreement of confidentiality, all of the below is anonymous ". I would imagine odds are decent that several of the "101" he's coached are regular news readers and would pipe up saying how much they benefited from Leo's guidance, yet I don't see any comments as such. Why wouldn't you get permission from some of your clients…

If you really coached so many CEOs you don't really need to brag about it. This guy is just advertising himself
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