Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

papers.ssrn.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

181–190 of 249 posts

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#181

Post by modriano »

zajio1am wrote: post #165
9nGQluzmnq3M wrote: post #23

I'm a regular reader of Ask a Manager ( https://www.askamanager.org/ ), and one thing that comes up over and over is how both managers and employees will avoid awkward topics ranging from trivial ("your breath smells") to consequential ("you need to step up or you'll be fired!"), to the point of going to extremes like quitting the job, just to avoid having a genuine conversation with somebody. And I'm guilty of this…

> And I'm guilty of this too. I used to work with a dude who did not brush his teeth and used to wear the same clothes for a week in a row -- and I don't think anybody ever said a word to him, they just edged away quietly. Well, i guess such conversation would not have a rational background, it would be just a power struggle whether one side could enforce its cultural norms on the other side. Using one's soft power t…

In the first (real) job I had after undergrad (physics and mechanical engineering, graduated in 2010 when the economy was a horrorshow), I was a shop supervisor in a factory. I was 23, working in the assembly department of a dirty factory, and I reasoned "appearance is shallow and not worth spending time and effort on, and this place is filthy anyway" (I'm kind of an aspie).

A lot of the people working in assembly in that factory were old women, and I became friends with them. After a few months, one of them pulled me aside and she clearly had a question, but seemed nervous about asking it. I invited her to be candid, and she asked "uh, do you use soap when you shower?". She had correctly identified that I didn't use soap, and her question immediately made me realize that everyone who I managed noticed my hygiene and quietly endured it because they were uncomfortable speaking up about it. I was mortified that I had been presenting myself so poorly, blind to the impact on the people around me. I was (and remain) grateful that she worked up the courage to let me know that something I dismissed as beneath notice actually was noticed. I started taking better care of myself and being mindful of how I presented myself to the world, and I quickly noticed that people's facial expressions were different when I was around, and when I showed people how to do different assembly operations, they learned the first time (rather than producing a lot of waste before I had to show them again) as they weren't distracted by my hygiene.

TLDR: One honest question immediately corrected incorrect beliefs that I held for years and that hindered my success.

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#182

Post by wool_gather »

boomboomsubban wrote: post #143
StandardFuture wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But, particularly in American culture it is the imbalance in "enforcement" of principles that is the problem. It is perfectly fine to be super-nice as often as possible. But, the culture is "do not offend" dominate and almost void of "do not take offense". This imbalance of cultural enforcement is likely a driving factor behind the younger generations view on enforcing standards of political correctness, social justi…

>But, the culture is "do not offend" dominate and almost void of "do not take offense". Events where people get offended end up being reported online or in the media. Events where no one gets offended get no coverage, though that mind set is also very common. Additionally, extreme examples of "offensive behavior" are used by poth sides for political propaganda.

Very, very important point. I'm not sure it's possible to overstate the effect of confirmation and selection biases in any kind of "people these days" generalization.

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#183

Post by mgh2 »

OnlineGladiator wrote: post #174
mgh2 wrote: post #168

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It depends on a lot of factors. Unless you extremely lack social skills or are new to a language or culture, a conversation is a continual data gathering, feedback loop for both parties. Here are some examples: 1. How close are you with this person? An issue of trust. 2. What is the context? Friends, coworker, interview, etc. 3. What is the goal? Friendship, small-talk, debate, etc. 4. Who is the audience? student, f…

> I suspect your wife asks these questions to the religious ("theology"), which is a subset (bias). How did you reach the conclusion she is primarily talking to religious people? That's such a leap I can't even hypothesize your deduction.

It is not a "conclusion", it is a "hypothesis" if you will, which I ask for confirmation from the author of this comment.

My hypothesis stems from his insight comment on "theology":

"In comparison I would have shyly still been discussing the weather whereas she would be already talking theology."

Because it is a deep subject not commonly conversed with the general public, but specifically known inside churches... unless you are giving a speech to a general audience (which this is not the case)

*Btw, apologies if I may have sounded rude, I did not intend to offend, just investigate.

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#184

Post by authoritarian »

sandoooo wrote: post #2

The author misses the point. People are avoiding sensitive questions not because it impacts opinion on average, but because of the rare outliers that ruin it for everybody. It takes just a single asshole reporting you to HR to ruin your life.

None of the examples of the "sensitive" questions I've read are anything that HR would discipline someone for (at least where I work). If the environment was so toxic that people were reporting each other for questions like these, and HR was actually acting on it, it wouldn't be a place I would want to work anyway. Either way, it certainly wouldn't "ruin your life"

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#185

Post by authoritarian »

zrkrlc wrote: post #31
ineedasername wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Trying to get the most out of another while giving little or nothing seems like a strange and rather mercenary way to approach interpersonal interactions. Could you explain how you arrive at this mode of communication?

Well, no. My point was that conversations are not zero-sum games. You produce intimacy via information exchanges, which you both benefit from, though there will always be an information asymmetry between you and your conversation partner. I know analysing social interactions is seen as a rather, if you will forgive the term, "autistic" (or worse, sociopathic) way of looking at things , but some people do not have the…

>I know analysing social interactions is seen as a rather, if you will forgive the term, "autistic"

That may be your perception of autism, but this statement is more akin to using "retarded" derogatorily than actually making a comparison. Autism is categorized by deficits in social interaction and repetitive thoughts or behaviorism. "Analyzing social interactions" is certainly not a standard symptom of autism, and depending on the severity of one's social deficit it may not even be possible for someone on the spectrum to do so without the help of a therapist/doctor/behavioral aid. I discovered I was on the spectrum this year, albeit at a relatively low level, and while I personally analyze social interactions a lot due to anxiety it absolutely shouldn't be seen as "rather autistic" as you say as that is a mischaracterization of autism

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#186

Post by authoritarian »

closeparen wrote: post #87
vitruvian987 wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Quitting/firing is a difficult conversation to have.

Hardly anyone gets fired that way. Instead they go in the spreadsheet for the next round of layoffs, which are mechanical and depersonalized.

>Instead they go in the spreadsheet for the next round of layoffs, which are mechanical and depersonalized.

I've never worked at a company where anyone was fired that way

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#187

Post by [deleted] »

gampleman wrote: post #134

My wife was* one of those rare people who just went ahead and asked people whatever was on her mind. This had a curious effect as I often internally winced and thought "you did not just say that". Sometimes I had the impulse to apologize for her or put in a joke to soften the blow. However, curiously, generally people didn't seem to mind or sometimes registered very mild embarrassment. In very rare cases they just av…

[deleted]

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#188

Post by rhacker »

tsukurimashou wrote: post #147
9nGQluzmnq3M wrote: post #23

I'm a regular reader of Ask a Manager ( https://www.askamanager.org/ ), and one thing that comes up over and over is how both managers and employees will avoid awkward topics ranging from trivial ("your breath smells") to consequential ("you need to step up or you'll be fired!"), to the point of going to extremes like quitting the job, just to avoid having a genuine conversation with somebody. And I'm guilty of this…

I tend to ask myself "does something really disturbs YOU", if the answer is yes, then I will talk about it because: 1. You cannot expect someone to realize something, no matter how obvious it is to you, you don't know how to person was raised and what experiences that person went through, thus you should never expect something obvious for yourself to be obvious for others as well 2. If something bothers me but I don'…

We had some contractors in a Mexico office that would sometimes visit San Jose (CA). At a certain point, one of them decided to permanently relocate to the US. Most things were fine, but there was one social line he crossed that needed to be said. His computer desktop background was pretty much laden with boobs and asses. The background image was pretty much intensely horrible. Another co-worker and I just calmly explained to him that he can choose any background he wanted as long as it didn't potentially land him in trouble with sexual or racial discrimination issues. Definitely, in this case it was an easy conversation and he obviously fixed the issue immediately.

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#189

Post by vanniv »

homonculus1 wrote: post #151
kqr wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No. Being an asshole -- regardless of reason -- is terrible for the team, no matter how decent they are. Making an effort to conform to social norms of politeness goes a long, long way. Don't get me wrong; feel free to upset people, but they should be upset about the factual content of the message, not the delivery!

I don't know why you assume being an asshole is the trait your GP doesn't want to reveal. Any number of innocuous interests could hurt your reputation in different circles: hunting, being gay, watching anime, practicing (a different/any/no) religion. "What did you do this weekend" is a loaded question if you're a cultural outlier at your workplace. Even decent people often have personal biases that lead to awkwardnes…

Thanks for being the only person to assume that I am an outlier in some way other than by being an asshole!

I don't know why everyone assumes that "different" has to be "asshole"

If anything, "asshole-ish" would be a part of "self" that is allowed to be expressed at work, so long as it is in limited doses

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#190

Post by vanniv »

_y5hn wrote: post #53
vanniv wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

True, though it seems like asking sensitive questions is a moderate risk, whereas answering them is the real high-risk activity.

You can always share your opinion as low risk. If you decide, getting feedback may even help!

Sharing opinions on sensitive subjects can get you fired these days if they're the "wrong" opinions
Post reply on HN