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Having Kids

paulgraham.com

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Re: Having Kids

#821

Post by mcgwiz »

triangleman wrote: post #131

Hey guys. Anyone else have the experience of having kids, getting a burst of energy, but of course all that energy goes directly back into the kids and house, and you have absolutely no life for 3-5 years or more? Because my kids are 2 and 4 and so far it's been 4 years of no life, no freelance clients, almost no learning/hobbies, just 35-40 hours a week of working as much as I can at the office and then everything i…

Agree completely. Have found that, in addition to the bursts of energy, I've honed my already-refined productivity and organizational habits to the extreme as a result. Hoping these will retain usefulness/accuity after we get through the early childhood years.

Re: Having Kids

#822

Post by eanzenberg »

There’s a lot of self affirmation in these comments. “I knew it was going to suck” so it does suck.

We knew we wouldnt be able to do as much but wanted to live like we had before kids. 2 kids (3 years and 2 months) later, 3 international vacations (2 more booked next year), 3 new jobs, 3x tc growth, and continuing to push and progress in both careers. And we’re not all that special. Its just a non-defeatest mindset and mutual effort.

Re: Having Kids

#823

Post by kvnnews »

triangleman wrote: post #131

Hey guys. Anyone else have the experience of having kids, getting a burst of energy, but of course all that energy goes directly back into the kids and house, and you have absolutely no life for 3-5 years or more? Because my kids are 2 and 4 and so far it's been 4 years of no life, no freelance clients, almost no learning/hobbies, just 35-40 hours a week of working as much as I can at the office and then everything i…

... and the everything is about the kids.

Think that’s your problem right there. Kids can and should learn to entertain themselves.

Re: Having Kids

#824

Post by Cougher »

gist wrote: post #813
Cougher wrote: post #773

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Another older guy here. I can barely wrap my head around how much I disagree with this comment. Spend your focus on acquiring money for your kids leads to kids who want money from you. Spend your focus on giving love to your kids leads to kids who want love from you.

> Spend your focus on acquiring money for your kids leads to kids who want money from you. I didn't say that that. And nothing wrong with kids who want money from their parents. It does not mean that they are worthless in their own right. I deal with many people (in what I do) who have very wealthy parents. And despite the stereotype they are not living off their parents but sure they take advantage of the things tha…

"Also ironic is the fact that the only reason that anyone is commenting in this thread is because the post was an essay by Paul Graham who surprise surprise 'is successful and has money'."

Your posts are riddled with these very wrong assumptions, insinuations, conclusions, and pointless diversions.

Re: Having Kids

#825

Post by coldtea »

justinclift wrote: post #648
coldtea wrote: post #582

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> for tens of thousands of years mankind spent 80%+ of the day with their offsprings/families/villages For tens of thousands of years kids played with other kids or hanged in the village watched by the older people in the community, while fathers did some guild style job or worked at the fields, and moms cooked and tended the house. They got together to eat and sleep at various points. For less fortunate families, ki…

> For tens of thousands of years kids played with other kids or hanged in the village ... Weren't humans nomadic for the vast majority of our history, with agriculture (aka villages) coming about only a few thousand years ago?

Yes, make it "for about ten thousand years". Was referring to standard post agriculture civilizations and most of the ancient / classical ones we know of.

Re: Having Kids

#826

Post by cpr »

Thank you for that, pg!

As a father of 8 and grandfather of 11 (so far) at 65, you can't imagine the joys ahead of you, at every stage, but especially when your kids are grown and you realize they are just delightful people you love to be with!

Working from home for 30 years now (running a "lifestyle" company) has given me the freedom to do whatever, whenever generally, with the family.

Re: Having Kids

#827

Post by coldtea »

kortilla wrote: post #726
coldtea wrote: post #582

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> for tens of thousands of years mankind spent 80%+ of the day with their offsprings/families/villages For tens of thousands of years kids played with other kids or hanged in the village watched by the older people in the community, while fathers did some guild style job or worked at the fields, and moms cooked and tended the house. They got together to eat and sleep at various points. For less fortunate families, ki…

If you’re living hand-to-mouth, that’s not a great environment for your kids anyway. Not being in that position is privileged, but it’s a privilege shared by all of the middle and upper class in western societies, which is who dominates this readership. Not every comment needs to disclaim its privilege because the author speaks English, is literate, and has access to the internet.

>If you’re living hand-to-mouth, that’s not a great environment for your kids anyway.

Kids aren't supposed to be born to comfort and greatness, they're supposed to be born to life.

This talk is a talk of leisurely privilege anyway. If people in the past thought that "hand to mouth living" and harsh conditions mean you should not have kids, most of those making these claims today wouldn't be here, and the civilisation would be at medieval standards at best (since population growth is a crucial part of the economic engine in history - thou doesn't guarantee it).

Re: Having Kids

#828

Post by coldtea »

XorNot wrote: post #629
coldtea wrote: post #521

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Anyone else have the experience of having kids, getting a burst of energy, but of course all that energy goes directly back into the kids and house, and you have absolutely no life for 3-5 years or more? Because my kids are 2 and 4 and so far it's been 4 years of no life, no freelance clients, almost no learning/hobbies, just 35-40 hours a week of working as much as I can at the office and then everything is about…

If the best argument you have to do a thing which will make you miserable is that someone else somewhere else is worse off, that's no argument at all.

First, there are no "arguments" that solve life predicaments. There are explanations of one's predicament and relative estimations of its impact.

Second, whether something (a lack of a specific amount of wealth, a status symbol, a job, etc) makes you miserable or not is mostly due to a social comparison. It's not the thing itself, but the thought that others have it better, and that you could have it so much better. Nobody in the 1500 century felt bad for not having a "side gig" or a Porsche.

If that's all you know, or you understand that most are worse off, you gain a little perspective and can count your blessings better. So "you have it way better than a huge majority already" is a great reminder for people not feel bad about their situation.

Re: Having Kids

#829

Post by originalbryan2 »

jrrrr wrote: post #332
triangleman wrote: post #131

Hey guys. Anyone else have the experience of having kids, getting a burst of energy, but of course all that energy goes directly back into the kids and house, and you have absolutely no life for 3-5 years or more? Because my kids are 2 and 4 and so far it's been 4 years of no life, no freelance clients, almost no learning/hobbies, just 35-40 hours a week of working as much as I can at the office and then everything i…

The thing I miss most from pre-kid days was occasionally having time and energy simultaneously. Now it's one or the other.

Excellent point! 2 or 3 times a year my wife offers to let me have a few hours off, but all I want to do is sit or lay down. Which confounds her, but she gets about 40x more work/kid free time than me, so kinda makes sense.

Re: Having Kids

#830

Post by winrid »

hodgesrm wrote: post #583
lordnacho wrote: post #269

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your kids are at the age before school where they are the hardest to deal with. Once a kid gets to school, magic happens. I mean it. - They get tired from learning stuff. And the teachers know how to deal with them. - They learn how to behave in a group. They start having actual friends. - You get a bunch of friends who are in the same situation as you, and you can use their kids to cancel out yours. (AKA playdates)…

Why did you decide to have kids? This is a serious question.

It makes your life meaningful in a way nothing else can.
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