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Having Kids

paulgraham.com

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Re: Having Kids

#571

Post by alasdair_ »

triangleman wrote: post #131

Hey guys. Anyone else have the experience of having kids, getting a burst of energy, but of course all that energy goes directly back into the kids and house, and you have absolutely no life for 3-5 years or more? Because my kids are 2 and 4 and so far it's been 4 years of no life, no freelance clients, almost no learning/hobbies, just 35-40 hours a week of working as much as I can at the office and then everything i…

It’s a temporary thing. Once they hit five or so they require less direct help.

Re: Having Kids

#572

Post by gerdesj »

triangleman wrote: post #131

Hey guys. Anyone else have the experience of having kids, getting a burst of energy, but of course all that energy goes directly back into the kids and house, and you have absolutely no life for 3-5 years or more? Because my kids are 2 and 4 and so far it's been 4 years of no life, no freelance clients, almost no learning/hobbies, just 35-40 hours a week of working as much as I can at the office and then everything i…

One day you might become a granddad. My socks, that I am wearing right now, have embroidered: "I love my grandpa".

You do have to lose yourself a bit for a while especially when the little loves are very young but there are so many repayments in kind if you notice them. Try and describe the first time your child looked into your eyes and you felt loved ... really, really loved and wanted and the best person in the world ever because you are dad and the little darling is ensuring that if mum is not around then you are the absolute dogs nadgers 8)

You are dad. You'll be fine.

Re: Having Kids

#573

Post by dbcurtis »

triangleman wrote: post #131

Hey guys. Anyone else have the experience of having kids, getting a burst of energy, but of course all that energy goes directly back into the kids and house, and you have absolutely no life for 3-5 years or more? Because my kids are 2 and 4 and so far it's been 4 years of no life, no freelance clients, almost no learning/hobbies, just 35-40 hours a week of working as much as I can at the office and then everything i…

Those years are intense. It gets better after age 6 or so. I remember when I moved into this house and the neighbors across the street had one age 8 and triplets age 5. When I saw Rick across the street in his front yard, that man just always looked tired :) Mine was 2.5 at the time.

Anyway, it gets better, and interaction gets more intellectually stimulating. Do your best to enjoy every day as it comes at you, because all too soon you will be parallel parking between orange cones in a big, empty parking lot, and soon after paying tuition bills to the fanciest school they can get into.

Re: Having Kids

#574

Post by hailhash »

Have a kid and know it for your selves. Ignore whatever Graham is saying, that’s his personal experience. Your experience will be totally different from his, if it’s not, then you are a robot, just another brick in the wall.

Note: Niece and nephews are not your kids.

Re: Having Kids

#575

Post by coldtea »

kmarc wrote: post #552
coldtea wrote: post #527

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Raising children is not about being a helicopter parent like many Americans understand it. It wasn't even in the US like that, until the 80s or so, when media people and book authors inspired profitable guilt to parents, and the boomers started making pandering and spoiling their kids the norm. If we're talking about kids less than school age, then sure, parents are with them most of the day. After school age however…

> it's rather more time than kids historically got. But... But... Any reference to this? All I can see here that some people think that "history" is how their great-grandparents were. No! After industrialization and urbanization, so less then a couple hundred years ago did humans start this new lifestyle. You don't even have to travel back in time, just travel to places where tribes and their commons are still around…

If you check the people from the 15th century, 1950s villages, or even the "tribes" you mention, you'll find that the children are either helping (small tasks, actually working, after a certain still young age), hanging out with members of the community at large, or mostly playing around with other children.

They don't hang out with the parents after a certain age, and they don't helicopter them...

Re: Having Kids

#576

Post by kelnos »

rbavocadotree wrote: post #394
satyrnein wrote: post #313

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I try to avoid telling unsolicited stories about my kids, but what else am I supposed to answer when people ask about my weekend? It's not that I'm mistaken about how exciting my kids are, it's that other people are mistaken about how exciting (for them) my weekend could possibly be!

Despite not having children, I like hearing about my coworker's and friend's kids. Complaining about them can get old, but funny stories and things they are proud of are great to hear. I don't think I'm unique in this.

I don't mind -- and am often interested in -- cool/funny things about my friends' kids, but the complaining... ugh. I get that kids are far from being all rainbows and sunshine, and I would never begrudge my friends the occasional (or even more than occasional) venting session, but after some threshold of complaining I just want to say "maybe you shouldn't've had kids if all you can do is complain about them".

Re: Having Kids

#577

Post by booleanbetrayal »

Since having my children, my capacity for patience and empathy have increased significantly. Surprisingly, these newfound attributes aren't solely directed towards them, but to the general population as a whole. This is perhaps the most remarkable thing I've experienced outside the pure emotional impact one would expect.

Re: Having Kids

#578

Post by marktangotango »

booleanbetrayal wrote: post #577

Since having my children, my capacity for patience and empathy have increased significantly. Surprisingly, these newfound attributes aren't solely directed towards them, but to the general population as a whole. This is perhaps the most remarkable thing I've experienced outside the pure emotional impact one would expect.

I experienced the same thing, it really is remarkable.

Re: Having Kids

#579

Post by gcheong »

daxfohl wrote: post #425

I'd even go further and say it's irresponsible these days to post things like this. If nothing else, because we know the Earth cannot support many more people. Or at least it's looking that way. I think as a society we need to get away from sappy Hallmark channel stuff like this and celebrate the individual. We should not be made to feel like having kids is some transcendental thing. Studies consistently show childle…

I'd go further and say that the central question shouldn't be whether having kids makes our lives better in some way, but rather is it right to impose a life on a person, as well as the inevitable death they will eventually have to face, with all the potential negative experiences in between just to fulfill a selfish desire. A strong case can be made that the answer is no: https://aeon.co/essays/having-children-is-not-life-affirming...

Re: Having Kids

#580

Post by kelnos »

nradov wrote: post #203
quadrifoliate wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Can you elaborate? What exactly is wrong with parents talking to you about their kids? I'm not sure I can, but let me try. Some of my coworkers will chat to me for five minutes about watching that new Scorsese movie, and maybe make plans to hang out after work. Let's call this Group A. Some other ones will talk to me for twenty minutes about how their kids are really into Frozen 2, and how they dressed up as Elsa f…

Why would you care about hanging out with coworkers after work? I've never understood that mentality.

Because some people have coworkers who actually grow into friends outside of work. Why is that so hard to understand?
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