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Having Kids

paulgraham.com

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Re: Having Kids

#531

Post by soohyung »

larnmar wrote: post #526
citizenkeen wrote: post #511

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My wife did research for grad school related to this, so we went in to this eyes open. Her studies showed that people who have a kid 3 or younger were less happy than equally situated peers. Their first smile is nice, but it's a lot of poop and your peers are going to Europe. If your youngest is 4 or older, there's literally no difference in happiness. Europe is nice. Their first play, them as actual human beings - a…

It’s not that hard to take young kids to Europe.

If you have the money, sure. Not everyone is in the silicon valley tech bubble and can afford it.

Re: Having Kids

#532

Post by ant6n »

citizenkeen wrote: post #511
triangleman wrote: post #131

Hey guys. Anyone else have the experience of having kids, getting a burst of energy, but of course all that energy goes directly back into the kids and house, and you have absolutely no life for 3-5 years or more? Because my kids are 2 and 4 and so far it's been 4 years of no life, no freelance clients, almost no learning/hobbies, just 35-40 hours a week of working as much as I can at the office and then everything i…

My wife did research for grad school related to this, so we went in to this eyes open. Her studies showed that people who have a kid 3 or younger were less happy than equally situated peers. Their first smile is nice, but it's a lot of poop and your peers are going to Europe. If your youngest is 4 or older, there's literally no difference in happiness. Europe is nice. Their first play, them as actual human beings - a…

Young kids go everywhere you go, so you can still go to Europe. It maybe take a cruise, that cash be pretty family friendly while allowing you to see a different city every day.

Re: Having Kids

#533

Post by OrgNet »

triangleman wrote: post #131

Hey guys. Anyone else have the experience of having kids, getting a burst of energy, but of course all that energy goes directly back into the kids and house, and you have absolutely no life for 3-5 years or more? Because my kids are 2 and 4 and so far it's been 4 years of no life, no freelance clients, almost no learning/hobbies, just 35-40 hours a week of working as much as I can at the office and then everything i…

I have 3 kids, 1.5 year apart, and I can completely relate. Not sure what kind of wisdom I can give you though... besides getting a baby sitter as often as possible

Re: Having Kids

#534

Post by kelnos »

casion wrote: post #34

I don't have kids. However, I teach up to 18 hours a day with children of various ages. I've done this for 22 years. I also have been the de facto babysitter for my family since I was 14. Kids in my home almost constantly. The #1 thing I've learned is that kids love to help, . If you are busy and shush them away then they'll cause havoc. Involve them ever so slightly and you can continue your task. Realizing this was…

I've noticed this when seeing my sister's kid at her home. Cooking is hard for her because her son constantly wants her attention. For a while (when he was 2ish), he really wanted to help cook. Obviously giving him a kitchen knife or letting him near a hot stove/oven would be a terrible idea, so instead she would give him a big bowl, a spatula, some flour, a used spice shaker that she'd put flour or something colorful in, and have him sit on the floor in the kitchen and "help cook". Sure, he made a bit of a mess, but it wasn't hard to clean up, kept him occupied, and made him feel a part of the action.

Re: Having Kids

#535

Post by citizenkeen »

larnmar wrote: post #526
citizenkeen wrote: post #511

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My wife did research for grad school related to this, so we went in to this eyes open. Her studies showed that people who have a kid 3 or younger were less happy than equally situated peers. Their first smile is nice, but it's a lot of poop and your peers are going to Europe. If your youngest is 4 or older, there's literally no difference in happiness. Europe is nice. Their first play, them as actual human beings - a…

It’s not that hard to take young kids to Europe.

This was averages across all America, all income brackets. Privilege does make things easier, yes.

Re: Having Kids

#536

Post by Klinky »

PKop wrote: post #460
Klinky wrote: post #167

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is no responsibility or obligation to one's ancestors to have children. This is a construct you are creating to justify your choice, or rather "lack of choice". You're playing the logic games you're saying others play to justify not having children.

>There is no responsibility or obligation to one's ancestors to have children I think it's probably a philosophical, maybe even a spiritual argument. Enlightenment individualism has ingrained in western cultures the idea they have no connection or ties to the past, or their ancestors, and shouldn't even conceive of themselves in terms of these other people. Blank slate, complete autonomy, etc. I think it's just a fun…

Glorification of your ancestors, or having the expectation that your descendants will procreate in your honor, sounds like self-interested ego stroking and a vain attempt at establishing ones own importance in the universe, when that importance in the grand scheme of things is questionable.

Adopting a belief of "Lack of choice" is still a choice, as no one holds a gun to your head to have children, and birth control options are readily available to much of the world. This sounds like an excuse to remove inhibitions around sex, in that you are somehow doing this sexual act to honor "something greater than yourself", rather than it being your own self-interested pleasure seeking.

Species that adopt breeding = winning behaviors often experience overpopulation pressures which leads to catastrophic die offs. Turning this into a winners vs losers argument, over an act that is not that terribly complex or worthy of ticker-tape parades, seems again more self-interested ego stroking. How many points do you score when you have a baby, and who is keeping score? Maybe just you.

Re: Having Kids

#537

Post by Jxjcinbh »

daxfohl wrote: post #425

I'd even go further and say it's irresponsible these days to post things like this. If nothing else, because we know the Earth cannot support many more people. Or at least it's looking that way. I think as a society we need to get away from sappy Hallmark channel stuff like this and celebrate the individual. We should not be made to feel like having kids is some transcendental thing. Studies consistently show childle…

That's a bit over the top, but I agree there's a bit too much social pressure toward parenthood. And it's a bit presumptuous to make parenthood sound like rainbows if it may actually make a lot of people miserable.

Re: Having Kids

#538

Post by kelnos »

buboard wrote: post #199

Worth noting that this is a western city- centric view of children. It's much different for people living in small communities or near parents and other family. Children spend way less time near parents when the neighborhood is familiar and safe enough, and instead spend most of their time playing with other kids. Parents today spend twice as much time with their kids than 2 generations ago, and it's probably not bec…

In part I think it's also the development of greater paranoia and zero risk tolerance (for whatever reason). It seems like nowadays if you let your kid play by themselves, or even if you aren't hovering over them close enough, some other parent will call the cops and you'll get in trouble for being a "negligent parent". When I was a kid (80s/90s), I'd ride my bike around the neighborhood alone or with friends, walk to friends' houses by myself, etc., and that was the norm.

Re: Having Kids

#539

Post by 8f2ab37a-ed6c »

Disclaimer: I do like kids, but, anybody else out there with 0 urge to have em?

I'm already somewhat behind the prime of when most people would be having some, but I don't regret it because I simply have never felt the call.

I'm sure I'd be an ok parent, I've done alright at most other parts in life, but it also seems like a thing you actually would want to want if you're to commit to it.

Re: Having Kids

#540

Post by m0zg »

triangleman wrote: post #131

Hey guys. Anyone else have the experience of having kids, getting a burst of energy, but of course all that energy goes directly back into the kids and house, and you have absolutely no life for 3-5 years or more? Because my kids are 2 and 4 and so far it's been 4 years of no life, no freelance clients, almost no learning/hobbies, just 35-40 hours a week of working as much as I can at the office and then everything i…

This is something nobody can answer for you. Kids are all different. Some are low maintenance, some are extremely high maintenance, and it's a roll of the dice as to what you can expect. My kid was extremely high maintenance in his first few years, and remains high maintenance for his age to this day (he's 15). So for the first 5 years or so both career and personal life were basically put on hold, and our marriage very nearly fell apart because we felt trapped. I have friends whose kids just do the right things all on their own though, so I know for a fact not all kids are high maintenance.
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