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Having Kids

paulgraham.com

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Re: Having Kids

#151

Post by patch_cable »

triangleman wrote: post #131

Hey guys. Anyone else have the experience of having kids, getting a burst of energy, but of course all that energy goes directly back into the kids and house, and you have absolutely no life for 3-5 years or more? Because my kids are 2 and 4 and so far it's been 4 years of no life, no freelance clients, almost no learning/hobbies, just 35-40 hours a week of working as much as I can at the office and then everything i…

Yo, right here buddy. No regrets, but yeah, that’s kind of how it is right now.

Re: Having Kids

#152

Post by jessriedel »

trolololooo wrote: post #112
hsm3 wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This might work for some people, but for me it would have been a worthless and tragically misleading signal. I got modest-at-best enjoyment from being around kids before I had one, but the past 10 years with our son has held many of the best experiences of my life. Your own kid is a very different thing than all the other kids you might spend time with. My experience is more like pg describes, where I had a lot of tr…

This is absolutely true. I love spending time with my kids and I really don't like being around most other people's kids.

Did you dislike it before you had kids?

Re: Having Kids

#153

Post by 1996 »

getpolarized wrote: post #99

> Partly, and I won't deny it, this is because of serious chemical changes that happened almost instantly when our first child was born. It was like someone flipped a switch. I have a step-daughter. It's amazing how protective I am over here. I'm not violent or confrontational by any means. One time this drunk guy didn't like that she was on her phone (she wasn't doing anything wrong). This guy was basically yelling…

I don't understand. Was the guy angry because the kid was using a loud/bright (?) phone during a movie? Was he angry just because he was drunk? Like some people get booze-happy, and some booze-sad?

Re: Having Kids

#154

Post by johnwheeler »

honkycat wrote: post #77

I'm not knocking Paul Graham or anyone who did well for themselves. But comparing your experience with that of Paul Graham, one of the richest people on the planet, is pointless. The wealthy live on a completely different PLANET than you or me. Of course he enjoys having kids, he has NONE of the stress of supporting himself and his family. His kids are going to have private tutors and house cleaners. He won't sweat t…

No, worries never go away no matter where you’re at in life. It boils down to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

He doesn’t have to worry about financial stuff and instead gets to focus his worries on getting sick, dying prematurely, and not giving his children the awesome life he can with his unique personality.

You didn’t mention that anywhere in your list, but I guarantee you it’s on his.

Re: Having Kids

#155

Post by thdrdt »

nickreese wrote: post #11

Uhh. Just going to chime in here. It is absolutely OK if you don’t experience the emotions he writes about here. You aren’t broken. I write this because I read and it immediately messaged a few friends who respect Paul as well asking them if I was broken. Everyone experiences parenthood differently. I never had the chemical changes in my brain and often over the past 3 years have realized just how selfish I am when i…

What almost always bothers me about Paul's essays is that he includes 'facts' like they apply to everyone. This is why I don't like most of his eesays.

For example: "..but having kids may make one less ambitious.".

It might apply to Paul but I have never been more ambitious since I had kids.

In his next sentences he almost makes us feeling guilty for it because "..you're probably going to care more about them than you do about yourself."

Ehm, no. Taking more care about your kids has nothing to do with ambitions. At least not for me. You can have great ambitions which include your whole family.

Re: Having Kids

#156

Post by sethammons »

georgewsinger wrote: post #94

> I hate to say this, because being ambitious has always been a part of my identity, but having kids may make one less ambitious. Of course this is true. Can someone think of a single $10B+ founded by someone who already had a kid? Now a single $100B+ company?

I don't follow start ups, but the one I am familiar with: SendGrid. One of the founders had several kids.

Re: Having Kids

#157

Post by phamilton »

nickreese wrote: post #11

Uhh. Just going to chime in here. It is absolutely OK if you don’t experience the emotions he writes about here. You aren’t broken. I write this because I read and it immediately messaged a few friends who respect Paul as well asking them if I was broken. Everyone experiences parenthood differently. I never had the chemical changes in my brain and often over the past 3 years have realized just how selfish I am when i…

I highly recommend watching Mike Birbiglia "The New One". It's on Netflix, which is how I watched it, but I bet it would be pretty awesome to see in person.

Re: Having Kids

#159

Post by acjohnson55 »

Two things stood out to me when my first kid was born.

First, my life didn't fundamentally change overnight. My life's a lot different now, a couple years and a couple kids in, but it was a gradual change. Lots of slow roll through phases, with some dramatic small-scale shifts. Granted, I'm super lucky to have healthy kids and almost daily help from my in-laws. I can see how the change is significantly more dramatic for most.

The second is that it's a lot I like the experience of traveling in an unfamiliar country. If you like constant novelty, tiny surprises, and having to adapt to your own ignorance, it's a blast.

Re: Having Kids

#160

Post by kgwgk »

sethammons wrote: post #149
kgwgk wrote: post #104

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Then having one or two should be seen as a huge failure, when you could have dozens.

See traditional Mormons and Catholics.

Antinatalist sects have existed within Christianism, but unsurprisingly they tend to fade out.
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