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Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

nytimes.com

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Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#111

Post by ryanwaggoner »

dang wrote: post #42
sabarn01 wrote: post #19

Whats wrong with stoicism. Feelings are fleeting in general didn't lead me to positive places. I think we should put a high value on people that can handle their own problems.

I've participated in some of this work and agree that having feeling-sharing be the top line item is misleading. Feelings are involved, but the core of it is to face what one has been avoiding, in order to become stronger and grow. There's plenty of room for stoicism in that. The way to overcome pain is to acknowledge and include it instead of denying it. The difference is huge, and most of us need help to get there—…

Very well said.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#112

Post by [deleted] »

Consultant32452 wrote: post #20

Am I the only one who sees men sharing their feelings all the time? To me it seems like men simply process things differently than women, so women and the feminized psychiatry field don't recognize it's happening. We live in an age where men are being villainized at every turn, and this is just another way men are being told they don't measure up... because they aren't sharing in a way that women recognize. With all…

[deleted]

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#113

Post by ryanwaggoner »

woodruffw wrote: post #102
sabarn01 wrote: post #19

Whats wrong with stoicism. Feelings are fleeting in general didn't lead me to positive places. I think we should put a high value on people that can handle their own problems.

Stoicism requires apprehension , not repression, of one's feelings. "Handling their own problems" is precisely what these men appear to be attempting.

Stoicism is tragically misunderstood by most people.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#114

Post by munificent »

rebuilder wrote: post #13

I feel this article demonstrates why gender equality is damn hard for us right now. I'm male. I believe that has had a significant effect on my upbringing. I'm an individual. I believe a whole lot of things have had a significant effect on my upbringing. Why would I want to try to resolve my issues within this gendered framework? Am I really primarily male? That seems like a forced choice to me.

Group belonging is a fundamental part of the human condition. We are social, tribal animals. You may, of course, choose not to belong in groups that are defined by being male, but people are members of lots of groups with boundaries drawn for lots of reasons. Given that many men have similar experience by virtue of being men, it seems a reasonable attribute to base a group on.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#115

Post by AlexCoventry »

asabjorn wrote: post #33

There is much beauty and wonder in the interplay between as well as within the genders. However, men are not imperfect women that would be improved if we adopted the other genders mannerisms. We both need to be open to listening to each other when providing the loving support that we want and need. This article seem to be written by an ideologically inclined woman. A woman trying to understand the men in her life bet…

It seemed like a pretty factual account, to me. What ideology do you think it reflects?

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#116

Post by dang »

kleer001 wrote: post #8

I've got a pet peeve for articles that focus on events as if they were isolated in time, one of a kind, or unprecedented. No mention of similar mens groups that occurred 30 to 50+ years ago? There's the Mythopoetic men's movement for one.

MKP has been around for 30+ years and as far as I know is the keystone organization of that movement.

You're right that the article would be better if it weren't so ahistorical.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#117

Post by thrower123 »

honkycat wrote: post #22
sabarn01 wrote: post #19

Whats wrong with stoicism. Feelings are fleeting in general didn't lead me to positive places. I think we should put a high value on people that can handle their own problems.

No man is an island. And it is hard to know if you ARE "handling your own problems" when you do not seek other people's input. "Handling your own problems" a lot of the time means "making other people responsible for my emotional well being." I do love stoicism though and I think meditation and stoicism are excellent paths to understanding yourself and managing your internal state.

Are you going to work? Are you reasonably content? Then you are handling your problems.

Some people really seem to want men to be very emotional and assume something is wrong if they don't appear to be showing strong emotions. Often, they're just fine, and there's no there there.

If you keep picking at them, you'll probably generate some emotions, however.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#118

Post by cthalupa »

asabjorn wrote: post #72
cthalupa wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Please disclaim when you are linking material that has a religious bent. Both of these books appear to be based upon the Christian belief system and as such might not be of any interest to someone with a different (or nonexistent) belief system.

I thought the book was one of the better ones I've read on the topic, so I recommended it. It is not a spiritual book. I likewise would recommend reading "Islamic Patterns: An analytical and cosmological approach" when approaching geometry. Either the book is good or not in getting you to understand something you don't currently understand. I trust the reader to be able to make their own judgements, especially in thi…

I don't necessarily disagree, but:

>This article seem to be written by an ideologically inclined woman.

If you are calling out someone as being ideological and then recommending books that are based in a religious ideology, it seems relevant to make note of it.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#119

Post by hondo77 »

dang wrote: post #42
sabarn01 wrote: post #19

Whats wrong with stoicism. Feelings are fleeting in general didn't lead me to positive places. I think we should put a high value on people that can handle their own problems.

I've participated in some of this work and agree that having feeling-sharing be the top line item is misleading. Feelings are involved, but the core of it is to face what one has been avoiding, in order to become stronger and grow. There's plenty of room for stoicism in that. The way to overcome pain is to acknowledge and include it instead of denying it. The difference is huge, and most of us need help to get there—…

Ironizing?

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#120

Post by kleer001 »

kleer001 wrote: post #8

I've got a pet peeve for articles that focus on events as if they were isolated in time, one of a kind, or unprecedented. No mention of similar mens groups that occurred 30 to 50+ years ago? There's the Mythopoetic men's movement for one.

It's almost as if Journalists are under amazing pressure to deliver articles that are basically skin and bone.
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