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Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

nytimes.com

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Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#101

Post by 0x8BADF00D »

rexpop wrote: post #99
asabjorn wrote: post #33

There is much beauty and wonder in the interplay between as well as within the genders. However, men are not imperfect women that would be improved if we adopted the other genders mannerisms. We both need to be open to listening to each other when providing the loving support that we want and need. This article seem to be written by an ideologically inclined woman. A woman trying to understand the men in her life bet…

> men are not imperfect women that would be improved if we adopted the other genders mannerisms. Divulging one's emotional state is not a "[female] mannerism". It is a basic, androgynous function of all social beings. It's endlessly frustrating to have my faculties gendered away from me.

But it’s a little bit different. Women tend to pick up on subtleties during conversation, which can immediately change their emotional state. I’d argue women are more emotionally labile. And often they will not divulge their true emotional state, IME. Men tend to be more direct.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#102

Post by woodruffw »

sabarn01 wrote: post #19

Whats wrong with stoicism. Feelings are fleeting in general didn't lead me to positive places. I think we should put a high value on people that can handle their own problems.

Stoicism requires apprehension, not repression, of one's feelings. "Handling their own problems" is precisely what these men appear to be attempting.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#103

Post by SomeOldThrow »

Ancalagon wrote: post #96
OtterEcho wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've found that women often appreciate and find men who are authentic, emotions included, attractive. You can always overshare and if you express emotions in a way where you put the burden on the other person, I don't think anybody really enjoys that

I disagree, maybe those women appreciate authentic emotions among friends, but at least while on the dating scene, authenticity NEVER won me any points, and quite to the contrary, the stoic/mysterious man always won out.

Maybe the issue is viewing relationships in terms of points and winning.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#104

Post by munificent »

bmarquez wrote: post #3

I participated in men's work, not specifically the ManKind Project but a closely related organization. I personally found it helpful doing weekly check-ins and having people holding me accountable to my goals. Unfortunately, the stigma regarding men sharing feelings is prevalent in western society, and it's not only the men causing it. When I told several female friends about the work they did, their response was: "A…

> it's not only the men causing it.

One thing I find fascinating about humans is that we are so compulsively cultural that we will actively propagate cultural practices that are harmful even to ourselves. When you are young, you absorb whatever culture is around you completely uncritically, and then you immediately turn around and start broadcasting to the next generation.

Cultural changes and evolves, of course, but it's really hard to uproot a norm or more once it's settled in, even if it's one that causes you personal pain.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#105

Post by ryanwaggoner »

I recently did the NWTA weekend retreat with the ManKind Project and found it a surprisingly profound experience. I would recommend it for most men I’ve known. Happy to answer any questions anyone has.

I’m not surprised to see so much pushback and gatekeeping here from other men, or suggestions that encouraging men to find spaces to “talk about their feelings” are a radical feminist ploy to subvert true masculinity, but I am saddened by them. That attitude reflects a deep sickness that is at the heart of what makes it so hard to be an authentic, open man in today’s culture. MKP and similar organizations are one of the few healthy forces I see working against this.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#106

Post by cam_l »

maximente wrote: post #83
pubby wrote: post #48

Female sexual attraction favors secure men who don't talk feelings. This results in men feeling unable to express their emotions around their significant other. On the other side, male sexuality selects based on looks more than anything. Feminism calls the latter shallow and toxic, but truthfully both should have that label. Neither is serving society or evolution well anymore. But what can we do? Sexual attraction i…

to see an extremely complex personal, social, cultural and biological behavior reduced to two trite sentences is nothing short of hilarious. there must be something about pop evolutionary psychology that appeals to your typical hacker news poster, because i've seen this comment in various forms in several places now. maybe it's hubris or something.

Indeed. Hacker News, Hubris Views.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#107

Post by ghettoimp »

monksy wrote: post #90
jalgos_eminator wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What were the men's spaces before? Legitimate question as I may be too young to have known them.

Gentlemen clubs, country clubs, bars (although I don't think it should have been single gender), other than this.. I can't name many of the other ones. They were mostly gone by the time I became an adult. Anyways, I have heard of discrimination that men have faced when trying to create "safe"/support groups that were men only.

I don't think I understand the desire or the concern here. Look around the BBQ in the back yard at any party anywhere in 'merica and you'll find the guys hanging out and chatting away from their wives. Look at sports teams in your high schools, colleges, and local clubs and you'll find men hanging out together. Look at Men's bible study groups or similar if that's your thing. Go to the local men's barber shop and find a bunch of guys getting haircuts. Invite your buddies to your place to watch the game...

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#108

Post by dang »

monksy wrote: post #25
rebuilder wrote: post #13

I feel this article demonstrates why gender equality is damn hard for us right now. I'm male. I believe that has had a significant effect on my upbringing. I'm an individual. I believe a whole lot of things have had a significant effect on my upbringing. Why would I want to try to resolve my issues within this gendered framework? Am I really primarily male? That seems like a forced choice to me.

> gender equality The way it's going about right now is "equality for me but not for you" by using over exaggerated claims.

Please don't take HN threads further into ideological flamewar. It's hard to get out once we go there.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#109

Post by scroy »

lacampbell wrote: post #78
sabarn01 wrote: post #19

Whats wrong with stoicism. Feelings are fleeting in general didn't lead me to positive places. I think we should put a high value on people that can handle their own problems.

Sharing your feelings doesn't really mean breaking down crying when anything remotely bad happens to you in life. It can just be talking frankly and openly about challenges you face in your life. Is that at odds with being stoic?

Not at all. I'd say the motivation for talking things through lies on a spectrum between brainstorming and bitching, and people have a need for both, just be aware of which one you're doing. A complaint can be stoic.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#110

Post by munificent »

ionforce wrote: post #6
atoav wrote: post #2

This might be one of the issues of our times: men unable to talk about their feelings, unable to maybe even care about themselves because we learned we shouldn’t and we are afraid how we are seen if we do. Sometimes beeing strong means to become vulnerable.

It sounds like you're saying this is a high priority issue. Why do you feel that way?

GamerGate, male suicide rate, incels, falling male graduation rates, mass shootings.
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