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Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

nytimes.com

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Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#61

Post by lonelappde »

cthalupa wrote: post #54
asabjorn wrote: post #33

There is much beauty and wonder in the interplay between as well as within the genders. However, men are not imperfect women that would be improved if we adopted the other genders mannerisms. We both need to be open to listening to each other when providing the loving support that we want and need. This article seem to be written by an ideologically inclined woman. A woman trying to understand the men in her life bet…

Please disclaim when you are linking material that has a religious bent. Both of these books appear to be based upon the Christian belief system and as such might not be of any interest to someone with a different (or nonexistent) belief system.

Every book is based on a belief system of the author.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#62

Post by PhasmaFelis »

whalesalad wrote: post #4

I really wish HN would implement a 'no ny times' policy.

I just now found the Forget Me plugin for Chrome, which seems to work to wipe the NYT's tracking cookie and reset my access. https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/forget-me-clean-hi...

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#63

Post by Aloha »

cthalupa wrote: post #54
asabjorn wrote: post #33

There is much beauty and wonder in the interplay between as well as within the genders. However, men are not imperfect women that would be improved if we adopted the other genders mannerisms. We both need to be open to listening to each other when providing the loving support that we want and need. This article seem to be written by an ideologically inclined woman. A woman trying to understand the men in her life bet…

Please disclaim when you are linking material that has a religious bent. Both of these books appear to be based upon the Christian belief system and as such might not be of any interest to someone with a different (or nonexistent) belief system.

I think the viewer ought to be smart enough to figure that out on their own. If the writer finds value in it, the ideology of it may not matter.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#64

Post by PhasmaFelis »

Consultant32452 wrote: post #34
johnny22 wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Men aren't sharing feelings in a way I understand most of the time, and I'm one of them. I could never get my friends to truly open up unless it was a one on one conversation.

That's not how men process things. Men process things by trying to eliminate perceived unnecessary information and take action. Women are more inclined to want to sit down and discuss all the details of whatever is going on, many of those details the man would not perceive as useful. This is the age old men vs women problem where women feel like men don't want to talk about problems/feelings and men feel like women j…

> That's not how men process things. Men process things by trying to eliminate perceived unnecessary information and take action. Women are more inclined to want to sit down and discuss all the details of whatever is going on, many of those details the man would not perceive as useful.

I'm a man. Sometimes I do the former, more often the latter. And I do feel shamed for that, sometimes.

Expecting men and women to fit into neat, stereotyped boxes like this is a big part of the problem.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#65

Post by johnny22 »

Consultant32452 wrote: post #34
johnny22 wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Men aren't sharing feelings in a way I understand most of the time, and I'm one of them. I could never get my friends to truly open up unless it was a one on one conversation.

That's not how men process things. Men process things by trying to eliminate perceived unnecessary information and take action. Women are more inclined to want to sit down and discuss all the details of whatever is going on, many of those details the man would not perceive as useful. This is the age old men vs women problem where women feel like men don't want to talk about problems/feelings and men feel like women j…

So you're telling me how I process things? Really....

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#66

Post by rolltiide »

OtterEcho wrote: post #53
pubby wrote: post #48

Female sexual attraction favors secure men who don't talk feelings. This results in men feeling unable to express their emotions around their significant other. On the other side, male sexuality selects based on looks more than anything. Feminism calls the latter shallow and toxic, but truthfully both should have that label. Neither is serving society or evolution well anymore. But what can we do? Sexual attraction i…

I've found that women often appreciate and find men who are authentic, emotions included, attractive. You can always overshare and if you express emotions in a way where you put the burden on the other person, I don't think anybody really enjoys that

> I've found that women often appreciate and find men who are authentic, emotions included, attractive.

I have found they are attracted to the idea of that, until they get it. Understand there are consequences and approach objectively.

The same idea of a lot men liking the chase more than actually being with a woman.

Let them chase an idea of a man sharing feelings, let them chase the idea they can change a man into sharing. But be aware there are often consequences that don't involve them being interested in you any longer if you actually share.

No its # not all women, no its not collaborative or mature. But I guarantee you can keep the sexual companionship of many more women for longer if you shut up and dangle an emotional string just out of paws reach. If you’re looking for a more mature life partner? Keep looking! But if you like consistent sex with people that think they’ll change you into a life partner that they wont be attracted to, be aware of what is happening and understand a lot of the relationship power imbalance in your favor comes from this and continuing it. A lot of women don't consciously know they do this, just one day after you open up or do something less masculine, they don't see you the same again.

Enjoy a satire on this concept that many might find relatable but never had spelled out for them:

https://local.theonion.com/girlfriend-changes-man-into-someo...

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#67

Post by lonelappde »

txsoftwaredev wrote: post #58
monksy wrote: post #23

I think we're starting to hit a critical moment with this. As men we have an unbelievable amount of expectation on our reactions, communication, behavior, past behavior, and others behavior. (Their friends and their partners) On top of all of this: Men spaces have been mostly eliminated.

"Men spaces have been mostly eliminated." An organization that was once called "Boy Scouts" is no longer catered only to young boys. And yet the Girl Scouts remain female only.

The Boy Scouts still are mostly single gender dens.

I hope you are merely misinformed and not intentionally deceiving people with misleading comments.

https://www.scouting.org/about/membership-policy/

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#68

Post by lonelappde »

perlgod wrote: post #37

I wouldn’t take this as a representative sample of all men. In my experience, sharing feelings makes me feel worse and substantially reduces my appeal to others. I prefer to just deal with my problems logically and avoid such navel gazing.

What is illogical about discussing feelings?

Is it illogical to ask for food if you are hungry?

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#70

Post by DuskStar »

cthalupa wrote: post #54
asabjorn wrote: post #33

There is much beauty and wonder in the interplay between as well as within the genders. However, men are not imperfect women that would be improved if we adopted the other genders mannerisms. We both need to be open to listening to each other when providing the loving support that we want and need. This article seem to be written by an ideologically inclined woman. A woman trying to understand the men in her life bet…

Please disclaim when you are linking material that has a religious bent. Both of these books appear to be based upon the Christian belief system and as such might not be of any interest to someone with a different (or nonexistent) belief system.

Either the advice is accurate, in which case the religious roots shouldn't matter, or it isn't - in which case the religious roots still shouldn't matter.
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