Anxious tech workers are going to therapy • Hacker News Board

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#241

Post by wonderwonder » Fri, Sep 20, 2019, 8:18 PM UTC

Social media has given us all echo chambers that we can be constantly connected to that shares all the things that scare or concern us every minute of every day. We follow people / channels that share our concerns so are constantly bombarded by them.

We need to learn to just disconnect and focus on the real and whats in front of us. I can't tell you how many times I have sat down to do some work, looked a twitter for a minute and looked up an hour later severely depressed about the state of the world and angry over something I have zero impact on.

Just unplugging from social media may really be the answer.

Also In tech especially so many of us are always after the next job and raise that we are don't take time to establish roots and make friends. Isolation is an epidemic among tech workers.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#242

Post by bluntfang » Fri, Sep 20, 2019, 8:22 PM UTC

viburnum wrote: post #232

taurath wrote: post #197

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A very cynical take - it seems you're taken from the place where a therapist to many people is like a doctor's visit. Figure out what the problem is, fix it, and then move on. Maybe that works if you only have one problem. Maybe that works if you have nothing fundamental and deep down to get over. Our society doesn't offer many places for people to feel safe truly opening up emotionally. It can take people a very lon…

If it takes your therapist four hours for you to feel comfortable opening up, they are a bad therapist.

or you have trust issues

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#243

Post by exit_bag » Fri, Sep 20, 2019, 8:24 PM UTC

vincent-toups wrote: post #4

Everyone should go to therapy. I don't think I've ever met a person who doesn't need to talk things out, from time to time, with a semi-objective, third party. Most of us were raised by imperfect people trying their best who still made a lot of mistakes. Even people who had really prepared parents probably experienced things which might have left us with some unresolved issues. Go see a therapist. Its not a big deal.

are there any kind of online therapy options that are actually worthwhile? my past experiences w/ irl therapists were not very good & i think it'd be a lot easier to communicate effectively online without the stress that comes from things like eye contact etc.

i think 8ch used to fill that roll for me but now it's gone and there's no one else to talk to & everything's spiraling out of control.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#244

Post by exit_bag » Fri, Sep 20, 2019, 8:37 PM UTC

skizm wrote: post #32

erokar wrote: post #26

If your job is making you unhappy, therapy will just be a band-aid. The solution is to quit and find something better to do.

Where can I find someone that will pay me a living wage to read fantasy novels, go to the gym, play video games, and occasionally travel?

i will get rich and pay you to be my friend but you have to play jrpgs sometimes and be nice to me. or maybe just kill me in my sleep that'd be ok too.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#245

Post by seppin » Fri, Sep 20, 2019, 8:37 PM UTC

seppin wrote: post #213

jrockway wrote: post #136

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, Twitter is really bad. Every discussion, no matter how trivial, devolves into a flame fest. I've told this story on HN before, but I was reading some minor controversy about Hearthstone esports and eventually the thread devolved into people threatening to kill each other. Over someone that made a dumb mistake in one of their games. It is crazy. I think some of us use a lot of electronic communication for work,…

Twitter, more so than Facebook even, is 100% dependent on who you follow. I choose academics, (good) journalists, etc. My feed is constantly enlightening, I learn something everyday, and there's no gossip or BS. Every time someone posts a selfie or some food they are eating, they are gone. I love it.

Also: muting. You can not only mute trolls that sneak into your feed, but entire words and people. After a few weeks of customization it's almost full proof.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#246

Post by readhn » Fri, Sep 20, 2019, 8:44 PM UTC

80 / 20 rules fellas.

Spend your time only on 20% of things that bring you 80% of joy.

Family, friends, awesome experiences that take your breath away, learning something new that you absolutely love. The rest is NOISE and is not important.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#247

Post by nyxtom » Fri, Sep 20, 2019, 8:51 PM UTC

Therapy is great. Excellent way to create some balance and regular introspection.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#248

Post by qzx_pierri » Fri, Sep 20, 2019, 9:10 PM UTC

kempbellt wrote: post #191

danenania wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Great comment and kudos to you, but a couple thoughts on the following: “Eliminate things from your life that don’t bring you joy and happiness.” I see this sentiment a lot in the techie self-help sphere, along with corrolaries like “ruthlessly eliminate negative people”. While I understand the motivation and agree it is true up to a point, it can also lead to a shallow and avoidant approach to life if you get carrie…

>it can also lead to a shallow and avoidant approach to life if you get carried away with it. There is nothing wrong with taking this approach, while you get yourself back on track. I've gone through this myself. Became an "asshole" in some peoples' eyes - "Why should I attend that social event? What am I going to get out of it? Nah, pass". They've gotten over it. So have I. Truly though, who gives a shit, if that is…

hey I really needed to see this today. thanks.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#249

Post by _cairn » Fri, Sep 20, 2019, 9:20 PM UTC

kempbellt wrote: post #191

danenania wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Great comment and kudos to you, but a couple thoughts on the following: “Eliminate things from your life that don’t bring you joy and happiness.” I see this sentiment a lot in the techie self-help sphere, along with corrolaries like “ruthlessly eliminate negative people”. While I understand the motivation and agree it is true up to a point, it can also lead to a shallow and avoidant approach to life if you get carrie…

>it can also lead to a shallow and avoidant approach to life if you get carried away with it. There is nothing wrong with taking this approach, while you get yourself back on track. I've gone through this myself. Became an "asshole" in some peoples' eyes - "Why should I attend that social event? What am I going to get out of it? Nah, pass". They've gotten over it. So have I. Truly though, who gives a shit, if that is…

Thanks for this.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#250

Post by AnimalMuppet » Fri, Sep 20, 2019, 9:24 PM UTC

TeMPOraL wrote: post #233

> a couple of years ago, clients were coming in mostly because of personal issues, but that now they were reporting anxiety about global trends, like climate change and the rise of dictatorships. Yup. I'm increasingly considering doing the same. Climate change is really getting into my head these days. How do you deal with feeling there is no future?

In one of his essays on startups, Paul Graham said (quoting from memory): "One minute you're going to take over the world; the next you're doomed. The low points are worse than the high points, though, not because they feel worse but because they make you stop working."

Despair can be self-fulfilling. Fight it. "Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

> How do you deal with feeling there is no future?

Well, I'm a Christian. I believe that there is a future for me, and it's not here. That doesn't make me uncaring about problems here, though. It lets me approach them without despair, even when I can't see how they can be solved.