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Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

nytimes.com

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Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#151

Post by OJFord »

davidw wrote: post #124
whalesalad wrote: post #39

I deleted all my tweets. Killed the app. Killed the Reddit app. Killed Instagram. Killed Facebook. I need to reactivate FB and do a dump of my data, but I’m dreading that. I just want the photos. I’m finding solace in boredom and using that as a catalyst for change. I’ve been reading more, already finished three books in the last few weeks. I’m on a mission to pour rocket fuel on my personal consulting business. I’m…

Here's what keeps me on social media: * YIMBY activism. Facebook especially is a great, low-friction way to get new people involved. * FB can be a great way of sharing, say, photos of kids or activities or events with people who are... maybe a bit more peripheral than friends I see every day, but who I still find value in keeping in touch with.

> * FB can be a great way of sharing, say, photos of kids or activities or events with people who are... maybe a bit more peripheral than friends I see every day, but who I still find value in keeping in touch with.

What got me off Facebook (>3y ago, not a passing whim) was the realisation that I found no value in keeping in touch with people I was only 'in touch with' via Facebook.

> * YIMBY activism. Facebook especially is a great, low-friction way to get new people involved.

Okay, that probably helped too. ;)

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#153

Post by diminoten »

ipython wrote: post #116
vincent-toups wrote: post #4

Everyone should go to therapy. I don't think I've ever met a person who doesn't need to talk things out, from time to time, with a semi-objective, third party. Most of us were raised by imperfect people trying their best who still made a lot of mistakes. Even people who had really prepared parents probably experienced things which might have left us with some unresolved issues. Go see a therapist. Its not a big deal.

The only problem with this point of view is that, effectively, you have painted a sort of target on your back. As you say, not everyone goes to therapy (even though they should). Therefore, there is still a stigma associated with those who do choose to go to therapy. That wouldn't be so bad, except there are consequences to going to therapy. Paperwork and records are generated. There are certain positions where you h…

What exactly is your threat model?

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#154

Post by fuzz4lyfe »

skizm wrote: post #32
erokar wrote: post #26

If your job is making you unhappy, therapy will just be a band-aid. The solution is to quit and find something better to do.

Where can I find someone that will pay me a living wage to read fantasy novels, go to the gym, play video games, and occasionally travel?

Is working worth the gym membership, video games and travel? Perhaps the solution is to work, do and own less more generally. Trying to find a trick to fool your mind into liking an activity you don't only seems healthy for the corporate balance sheet, not you as a individual.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#155

Post by hiram112 »

rblion wrote: post #87

Seven ayahuasca ceremonies and two bufo ceremonies over the course of 2 years changed my life. I experienced a paradigm shift and healed a lot of repressed trauma, let go of a lot of internal drama. I feel I got to the root of the issue and built a solid foundation upon mindfulness and compassion. Every day I work to train my mind to be one-pointed while keeping my heart open towards all, even those who wish me harm.…

Had you ever tried any of the typical anti-depressants before deciding to use one not developed by Big Pharma?

I don't doubt that a lot of these psychedelics, about which almost every person who tries them for depression raves, are effective for some people. But like any strong drug affecting the brain, I'm wary that they could just as easily cause even more anxiety and depression in those already predisposed.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#156

Post by csours »

My primary motivation is learning things and doing things the right way. In tech, I feel like I will never know everything, and in fact I never know "enough" - there's always some little setting or error or gremlin that will get me. Thus I can't do things the "right way" because my programs will break. This is a source of great anxiety for me.

Yes I know there are software principles that help with this like KISS and YAGNI, but I have a hard time internalizing them.

I used to work in construction, and tasks were largely repetitive. I knew the "right" way to do nearly all of my tasks, and I was able to complete them well. That drives a feeling of accomplishment that I don't have in tech.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#157

Post by Raphmedia »

tiborsaas wrote: post #138
Raphmedia wrote: post #73

The best way I can describe therapy to a tech oriented person is this: Therapy is rubber-ducking for your brain and thinking patterns. Sure, you can figure the bugs by yourself but you often get stuck in your ways of thinking which make you blind to them. The therapist is the equivalent of a senior brain & behavior engineer. Use them, talk to them. Talk about your quirks and your bugs. You may think you have a perfec…

I never been to therapy or talked to a psychologist, but I want to. What I'm afraid of is that I might pick a wrong "brain and mind engineer" and it might take a while and a lot of money to realize it only to go back to square one. I found one recently, but after my second email she just replied that she's overbooked. I have issues with rejection among other things :)

Going to a therapist that you don't like isn't a setback. It's getting closer to being aware of which kind of therapy is good for you. It's perfectly okay to jump around.

The first appointments are usually going to be freeform discussions, so you'll be able to see if there's a connection.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#158

Post by alistproducer2 »

OJFord wrote: post #151
davidw wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Here's what keeps me on social media: * YIMBY activism. Facebook especially is a great, low-friction way to get new people involved. * FB can be a great way of sharing, say, photos of kids or activities or events with people who are... maybe a bit more peripheral than friends I see every day, but who I still find value in keeping in touch with.

> * FB can be a great way of sharing, say, photos of kids or activities or events with people who are... maybe a bit more peripheral than friends I see every day, but who I still find value in keeping in touch with. What got me off Facebook (>3y ago, not a passing whim) was the realisation that I found no value in keeping in touch with people I was only 'in touch with' via Facebook. > * YIMBY activism. Facebook espec…

>What got me off Facebook (>3y ago, not a passing whim) was the realisation that I found no value in keeping in touch with people I was only 'in touch with' via Facebook.

This. If you're only interested in keeping in touch with people as long as it takes zero effort on your part that means that you don't really want to stay in touch with said person. Once I realized that, being done with social media was easy. I run a nextcloud instance that allows me to share photos and large files with family, and anyone for that matter.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#159

Post by cheeko1234 »

cubano wrote: post #139

Does anyone here have any experience with the Psych On Demand-type services that promise professional therapy like LARKR or Talkspace and the like? $85 for 50 minutes seems quite reasonable and I have been wanting to try it but wanted to hear from other tech professionals before paying the money I barely have. I know I could use use therapy, although the fabulous graduate-level textbook I once read that I believe nai…

I've read similar stuff. It sucks since it seems there's no way out. Introduction to Internal Family Systems was very illuminating regarding this topic:

https://www.amazon.com/Internal-Family-Systems-Therapy-Guilf...

First two chapters:

https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5205b3d1e4b08b89e5d18...

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#160

Post by BeetleB »

ipython wrote: post #116
vincent-toups wrote: post #4

Everyone should go to therapy. I don't think I've ever met a person who doesn't need to talk things out, from time to time, with a semi-objective, third party. Most of us were raised by imperfect people trying their best who still made a lot of mistakes. Even people who had really prepared parents probably experienced things which might have left us with some unresolved issues. Go see a therapist. Its not a big deal.

The only problem with this point of view is that, effectively, you have painted a sort of target on your back. As you say, not everyone goes to therapy (even though they should). Therefore, there is still a stigma associated with those who do choose to go to therapy. That wouldn't be so bad, except there are consequences to going to therapy. Paperwork and records are generated. There are certain positions where you h…

> That wouldn't be so bad, except there are consequences to going to therapy. Paperwork and records are generated. There are certain positions where you have to disclose any therapy that you've received (see for example Section 21 on the SF-86: https://www.opm.gov/forms/pdf_fill/sf86.pdf).

My thoughts on this are that first and foremost, my health is more important than my career. And for SW professionals, the reality is very few jobs require disclosure. You can easily go to a mental health professional without adversely impacting your career.

Regarding the national security position disclosure, from what I see:

- You have to disclose a court appointed order to get mental health, or a court finding of mental incompetence.

- You have to disclose a hospitalization for mental health problems.

- You have to disclose any of the following:

"Have you EVER been diagnosed by a physician or other health professional (for example, a psychiatrist, psychologist, licensed clinical social worker, or nurse practitioner) with psychotic disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, delusional disorder, bipolar mood disorder, borderline personality disorder, or antisocial personality disorder?"

I don't know about the last two, but the rest are serious conditions that are often treated with medication and not with therapy. If you have any of them, I think it's a lot better to get help and be excluded from those jobs. Furthermore, they're about issues orthogonal to the article and most of the discussion here.

You have to answer this:

"Do you have a mental health or other health condition that substantially adversely affects your judgment, reliability, or trustworthiness even if you are not experiencing such symptoms today? (Note: If your judgment, reliability, or trustworthiness is not substantially adversely affected by a mental health or other condition, then you should answer "no" even if you have a mental health or other condition requiring treatment. For example, if you are in need of emotional or mental health counseling as a result of service as a first responder, service in a military combat environment, having been sexually assaulted or a victim of domestic violence, or marital issues, but your judgment, reliability or trustworthiness is not substantially adversely affected, then answer "no.")"

This is an easy "No" for almost everyone.

I think for most stress/anxiety related issues that one would seek help from a therapist, you would not have to disclose any of it for this form.

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