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Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

nytimes.com

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Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#141

Post by kernx16 »

whalesalad wrote: post #39

I deleted all my tweets. Killed the app. Killed the Reddit app. Killed Instagram. Killed Facebook. I need to reactivate FB and do a dump of my data, but I’m dreading that. I just want the photos. I’m finding solace in boredom and using that as a catalyst for change. I’ve been reading more, already finished three books in the last few weeks. I’m on a mission to pour rocket fuel on my personal consulting business. I’m…

I'm with you, once I realized how much anxiety and self-loathing I experienced when on social media yet I was so addicted to it that I couldn't stop. I tore that band aid off, deleted all my social media accounts and I could not be happier. I did not realize how much more time I had without social media, how much more time I had to invest in myself, to achieve things I was happy with and was content without needing a numerical approval of the people in my life, the more 'in the moment and living' I was. I realized how much people thought they knew me because of my photos and posts until I was completely off social media. People become curious of what you've been up to and asked me how I was. I noticed how effective this is to build friendships and, this could be the people I surrounded myself with but people have forgot to ask how we each other how we are actually doing because we think we know based off of peoples social media. It's sad.

I've been off of social media for over a year and I don't regret it. I'm happy to miss an event because I wasn't on Facebook, it allowed me to see who actually wants me to be there versus those who just invite everyone in a group.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#142

Post by andai »

danenania wrote: post #100
whalesalad wrote: post #39

I deleted all my tweets. Killed the app. Killed the Reddit app. Killed Instagram. Killed Facebook. I need to reactivate FB and do a dump of my data, but I’m dreading that. I just want the photos. I’m finding solace in boredom and using that as a catalyst for change. I’ve been reading more, already finished three books in the last few weeks. I’m on a mission to pour rocket fuel on my personal consulting business. I’m…

Great comment and kudos to you, but a couple thoughts on the following: “Eliminate things from your life that don’t bring you joy and happiness.” I see this sentiment a lot in the techie self-help sphere, along with corrolaries like “ruthlessly eliminate negative people”. While I understand the motivation and agree it is true up to a point, it can also lead to a shallow and avoidant approach to life if you get carrie…

Re: Ruthlessly eliminate negative people

I'm undoubtedly the most negative person in my life.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#144

Post by daxfohl »

andai wrote: post #142
danenania wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Great comment and kudos to you, but a couple thoughts on the following: “Eliminate things from your life that don’t bring you joy and happiness.” I see this sentiment a lot in the techie self-help sphere, along with corrolaries like “ruthlessly eliminate negative people”. While I understand the motivation and agree it is true up to a point, it can also lead to a shallow and avoidant approach to life if you get carrie…

Re: Ruthlessly eliminate negative people I'm undoubtedly the most negative person in my life.

Well at least you have that going for you!

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#146

Post by lemm »

danenania wrote: post #100
whalesalad wrote: post #39

I deleted all my tweets. Killed the app. Killed the Reddit app. Killed Instagram. Killed Facebook. I need to reactivate FB and do a dump of my data, but I’m dreading that. I just want the photos. I’m finding solace in boredom and using that as a catalyst for change. I’ve been reading more, already finished three books in the last few weeks. I’m on a mission to pour rocket fuel on my personal consulting business. I’m…

Great comment and kudos to you, but a couple thoughts on the following: “Eliminate things from your life that don’t bring you joy and happiness.” I see this sentiment a lot in the techie self-help sphere, along with corrolaries like “ruthlessly eliminate negative people”. While I understand the motivation and agree it is true up to a point, it can also lead to a shallow and avoidant approach to life if you get carrie…

I think the parent commenter made some great points about social media, but I was going to say something about that line as well.

This seems to be a really common sentiment, and I could not disagree more. At worst, it comes across as severely narcissistic. At best, it's avoidance of reality.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#147

Post by viburnum »

mindsetalex wrote: post #113
viburnum wrote: post #72

Most therapists are well-meaning but have no idea what they’re doing. You’re just paying somebody to be your friend for 50 minutes a week. A competent therapist should help you get results in 6-8 sessions, faster if they really know what they’re doing. If you seeing a therapist and you’re not getting results, you’re wasting your money.

It’s the difference between brief therapy, where you’re learning specific coping skills and is much more solution focused, and talk therapy which is much more problem focused.

There’s a kind of talk therapy that’s more of a literary exercise than a treatment. It can be interesting but the risk is you’re just digging yourself into a deeper hole.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#148

Post by diminoten »

kernx16 wrote: post #141
whalesalad wrote: post #39

I deleted all my tweets. Killed the app. Killed the Reddit app. Killed Instagram. Killed Facebook. I need to reactivate FB and do a dump of my data, but I’m dreading that. I just want the photos. I’m finding solace in boredom and using that as a catalyst for change. I’ve been reading more, already finished three books in the last few weeks. I’m on a mission to pour rocket fuel on my personal consulting business. I’m…

I'm with you, once I realized how much anxiety and self-loathing I experienced when on social media yet I was so addicted to it that I couldn't stop. I tore that band aid off, deleted all my social media accounts and I could not be happier. I did not realize how much more time I had without social media, how much more time I had to invest in myself, to achieve things I was happy with and was content without needing a…

Is it possible the anxiety and self-loathing would have existed in another form if not for social media, and social media is getting scapegoated for other issues that you've got, which are now hiding dormant because rather than deal with them you externalized them onto a technology?

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#149

Post by 762236 »

whalesalad wrote: post #39

I deleted all my tweets. Killed the app. Killed the Reddit app. Killed Instagram. Killed Facebook. I need to reactivate FB and do a dump of my data, but I’m dreading that. I just want the photos. I’m finding solace in boredom and using that as a catalyst for change. I’ve been reading more, already finished three books in the last few weeks. I’m on a mission to pour rocket fuel on my personal consulting business. I’m…

Intense physical activity helps too, given that our bodies are designed for that.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#150

Post by nostrademons »

ipython wrote: post #116
vincent-toups wrote: post #4

Everyone should go to therapy. I don't think I've ever met a person who doesn't need to talk things out, from time to time, with a semi-objective, third party. Most of us were raised by imperfect people trying their best who still made a lot of mistakes. Even people who had really prepared parents probably experienced things which might have left us with some unresolved issues. Go see a therapist. Its not a big deal.

The only problem with this point of view is that, effectively, you have painted a sort of target on your back. As you say, not everyone goes to therapy (even though they should). Therefore, there is still a stigma associated with those who do choose to go to therapy. That wouldn't be so bad, except there are consequences to going to therapy. Paperwork and records are generated. There are certain positions where you h…

"Therefore, there is still a stigma associated with those who do choose to go to therapy."

Is there really? I haven't really seen it, at least among people who I hang out with (which admittedly, include a good number of therapists. Also a good number of knowledge workers who have a therapist.)

I suspect this might be class-based. The therapist market bifurcates into high-functioning professionals who can afford $400/session without insurance and just need someone to talk some feelings out, and people who really need therapy and are often referred by the school or court system. Therapists will usually take on a number of the former to pay the bills, and then a few of the latter to feel like they're doing good in the world. Who doesn't get therapy? What's left of the middle class, who are the people who usually need it the most.

If you're a member of the missing middle class, who do you see who goes to therapy? Usually the latter group, the folks who are visibly mentally ill and have trouble functioning normally. You probably don't know a whole lot of corporate executives in general, and if you do, they're often fairly good at keeping quiet that they have a therapist. So you get a very distorted picture of reality.

And knowing these class-based distortions, it's only when the highly-paid professionals, managers, and executives get together that they will casually remark, "Oh, my therapist said..." Occasionally you'll catch glimpses of this in media meant for this social class though, eg. TED talks or songs whose audience is primarily this class.

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