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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#841

Post by tonyedgecombe »

mdorazio wrote: post #751
TheOtherHobbes wrote: post #741

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It isn't necessarily more stressful and time-consuming. The point isn't to "start a business", it's to carefully engineer a viable business - which means doing solid research on customer numbers and income/profit estimates, creating a system for acquiring customers, and so on. Basically an adult plan. Not am impulse or hobby business. And that includes setting work limits for yourself, so you don't become the cliched…

In theory, that's true but I think you're making it sound a lot easier than it actually is. I don't know a single owner of a profitable business with employees that works less than a $250k/yr FAANG engineer. I sure as hell didn't any of the times I've run businesses. In general, you end up trading one set of issues for another - typical employee frustrations for typical business owner frustrations (closing new client…

You don't have to take on employees. My one person business has been far more stable than my previous employment. I can lose a customer and still pay the bills, that wasn't the case when my only customer was my employer.

I agree with your original point, it isn't for everybody and it sounds like it wasn't for you. But I know many people who have managed to fit their business around their life rather than their life around their business.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#842

Post by ta201909 »

VoiceOfWisdom wrote: post #637
protectid wrote: post #632

I am in software development but my troubles are at home. This is why I am using a throwaway. I am bad with relationships. There two sides to every story but this is my side. I have a quiet agreeable demeanor. Its a cultural thing and a personality thing. Unless something is going to affect my life I tend to agree. I seem to attract the opposite types of partner. My partners tend to do all the talking which is fine w…

Read the sidebar at /r/marriedredpill/. I think you would benefit from reading No More Mr Nice Guy, and When I Say No, I Feel Guilty. Don't be turned off by the red pill language.

I’ve read those, but unfortunately it didn’t change much my current relationship, same struggles as the op.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#843

Post by dyadic »

epiphanitus wrote: post #815
hliyan wrote: post #187

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm fairly certain we're from two different countries, but you pretty much described my feelings to a T. I wonder if this is a normal pattern, or whether the world is going through some sort of slow breakdown with no recent historical precedent?

Yes, I've been wondering this too - especially the economic part of it. How is it that the same dynamic could be happening in so many countries that are ostensibly so different from each other? I am inclined think that this is because of technological disruption, but how, exactly? Is this because of automation, globalization, or perhaps technology breaking governance systems somehow?

I think it's because we're sold on the idea of progress (technological and other types) as leading to improvements in our lives. But generally they aren't realised.

Automation, for example, was supposed to lead to easier lives with more free time for our own activities, but as I look around I see everyone being so so busy. As a society we are able to produce more and at a greater pace, but all the proceeds of that go up to the top and all of the rest of the people lose out from it.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#844

Post by ta201909 »

protectid wrote: post #632

I am in software development but my troubles are at home. This is why I am using a throwaway. I am bad with relationships. There two sides to every story but this is my side. I have a quiet agreeable demeanor. Its a cultural thing and a personality thing. Unless something is going to affect my life I tend to agree. I seem to attract the opposite types of partner. My partners tend to do all the talking which is fine w…

Thanks for taking the time to write about this and articulating what I’m living through too. Looking forward to the replies and the books recommended here.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#845

Post by tonyedgecombe »

prawn wrote: post #781
dyadic wrote: post #49

Not really. My country is being ripped apart, everyone seems so hateful against the other, the government talks about record employment level and pay while people are using foodbanks and sleeping in the streets. My own life is great by the standards that people usually use to measure success. But it feels so empty. I'd rather check out and go and live in a cave on a hill, but all the land and caves have been parcelle…

On the cave front, your best bet might be car dwelling on public land. I don't know the options in the UK, but there are opportunities in Australia and loads in the US. In the US you can go camp in the forest or desert away from the chaos and (generally) only have to move every 10-14 days. Depending on the vehicle you have, you can do this with minimal expense and as a full-time lifestyle decision or just when you ne…

We don't really have the space nor the climate for that in the UK. Some people do it but it's out of desperation rather than anything else. You will get hounded by the authorities as well.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#846

Post by ta201909 »

ethbro wrote: post #679
protectid wrote: post #632

I am in software development but my troubles are at home. This is why I am using a throwaway. I am bad with relationships. There two sides to every story but this is my side. I have a quiet agreeable demeanor. Its a cultural thing and a personality thing. Unless something is going to affect my life I tend to agree. I seem to attract the opposite types of partner. My partners tend to do all the talking which is fine w…

I would have identified a lot with what you said, several years ago. The key advice I'd give: realize you are sabotaging your own relationships when you don't tell your partners how you feel about something. This is not helping them, you, or the relationship out. It may feel like that because there's "less" arguing, but ultimately you're just poisoning trust in the relationship. As proof, why do you think your partne…

> there's a huge spectrum of communication options between "I agree" and "Let's fight about this."

How do you do this in practice? If your partner wants to to something that you disagree with already, and both of you are sub-born, how do you resolve conflicts without someone stepping down and becoming unhappy?

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#847

Post by kevtastrophe »

robot2051 wrote: post #828

Who else is struggling with backpain problem at early 30? It sucks and if you have any advices, i am all ears! :-/ I am living with herniated disks for 2 years now and my worst nightmare is to have another disk bulging episode that made me bedridden for 2 week. Not only working is difficult as i can't stay in a chair for too long, it is heartbroken to have to tell your kids you cant lift him up cause your back is foo…

I haven’t had it quite as bad as you, but I’ve struggled for sure. Someone on HN recommended a book called Healing Back Pain[0] - I found it really helpful. Might be worth picking up a copy.

[0]https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Back-Pain-Mind-Body-Connectio...

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#848

Post by rikroots »

Question: does anyone have any tips on how to recover from burnout at work?

I ask because I've taken the steps required to get myself out of an - unpleasant[1], let's say - work environment. I left my last job with a little bit of money in the bank, fully intending to set myself up as a freelance web developer; I did the research and planning work I needed to do before leaving. Everything was set to go - brave new chapter of my life etc.

Three months later, I'm still sitting at home trying to find the will to take the first steps. I know what I have to do - network, hustle for contracts, build that killer portfolio site. Interact with the real world. But ... I feel like an old rabbit caught in the headlights, not knowing where to hop. I doubt my skills and abilities. As each day passes I make plans to do stuff, and then I don't do them. As each day passes, I become more convinced that nobody would employ me anyway - so why make the effort?

I have absolutely no regrets about leaving my job. I felt, as I approached the fifth anniversary of my employment there, like a bomb primed and ready to detonate. Feeling that rage leach from my body in the weeks before and after my (planned) departure is one of the best feelings I've experienced in a long time. But the drive and determination I was expecting to feel in its place - it just hasn't turned up yet.

And my cash reserves are running out. Food doesn't put itself on the table.

Any advice on how to rediscover a missing Mojo would be very welcome!

[1] Small company with a wonderful business plan which greatly helped me develop my tech and soft skills as I moved into the tech industry. Sadly their business plan didn't work well so they pivoted, and pivoted again, and again, until by the end I was the last software engineer in the office, doing work I actively hated. I came very close to closing my laptop and running for the hills twice, before coming up with a plan to manage my exit in a planned, civilised way. Nobody's fault. Just the way the world evolves.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#850

Post by HeavyStorm »

e40 wrote: post #582
Waterluvian wrote: post #393

I recently experienced months of sleeping problems. Where I wouldn't sleep for days. Or would sleep a few hours. I would be exhausted and my head would hit the pillow and BAM adrenaline and I can hear my heart pounding and I'm awake. It got so bad I would go into the basement and destroy a wall that I kept repairing. I would cry in frustration. I started to have suicidal thoughts. It was harming my marriage and made…

Glad you found a solution. A very dear friend committed suicide after a few weeks of sleeplessness. I can't say it was the sole cause, but I don't believe he would have done that had he been sleeping more. Lack of sleep is dangerous to the human brain. Anyone that experiences this should seek help immediately. My solution to a racing mind: solitaire. I play for 10 minutes and I'm totally groggy and fall asleep very q…

Which surely says a lot of the game... ;)
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