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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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741–750 of 898 posts

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#741

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Start your own business, work fewer hours, and take the cut in pay. That's what I did, and I have no regrets. It's the best decision I ever made.

In my experience this is pretty bad advice for a lot of people. Starting a business is 1) almost always more time consuming and stress-inducing than working a normal job, 2) tends to end up being 20% the stuff you enjoy doing and 80% the stuff you don't, and 3) has an incredibly high chance of being really bad for you financially. A potentially better solution several of my friends have pursued to good effect is to g…

It isn't necessarily more stressful and time-consuming.

The point isn't to "start a business", it's to carefully engineer a viable business - which means doing solid research on customer numbers and income/profit estimates, creating a system for acquiring customers, and so on.

Basically an adult plan. Not am impulse or hobby business.

And that includes setting work limits for yourself, so you don't become the cliched 80-hr a week self-employed robot.

2) is certainly true. But it's true for any job. It's very rare for work to be wholly positive, no matter what you do.

The most basic difference is that you have an internal locus of control. This immediately removes a lot of stress, because you're no longer responsible for cleaning up other people's mistakes, or pandering to unrealistic whims.

You're still vulnerable to macro-economics, although that's true of any job. But you can also improvise and pivot your way out of difficulties - which is much harder when you're being managed from above.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#742

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I stalked you a little based on that comment, and I can't figure out what it is you really do. You must be living a good life if you've got time to maintain a toy programming language ( https://github.com/kerkeslager/fur ), and you must be able to pick your work carefully if you're so passionate about GPL, which I can respect. But how do you make money? And how did you get started? I'd be concerned about losing healt…

I don't think I'm really ready to give you the keys to life or anything. I'm happy with where I'm at, but it's certainly not perfect and it wouldn't work for everyone. I'll answer your questions, though. > But how do you make money? I do web development, mostly. I mostly ensure that I have work by undercharging for my services ($80/hour, which is pretty competitive for a Python developer with 10+ years of experience,…

Thank you. That's eye opening. This thread is making me realize how much the US health care system really is impacting my life choices.

> It's not an extraordinary life, but it's mine and I like it.

From where I'm sitting it seems pretty extraordinary :)

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#743

I'm shocked at how many people seem to be doing OK or have minor complaints. For me, I've realized that if I have to do anything for 40+ hours a week on a schedule, after a couple of weeks, I'd prefer being dead. I could be a professional ice cream taste tester or race car driver, and after about 3 weeks of showing up at a fixed time and putting in 8 hours, I'd still be ready to off myself again. When I have week-lon…

I feel you. I wrote this post just now and it couldn't be more relevant: How I code for 4 hours a day and make more than my peers https://medium.com/@marcospgp/how-i-code-for-4-hours-a-day-a...

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#744

I'll add to the list here. No. I see a therapist but it doesn't help. Ultimately I'm burnt out. The startup I'm working at doesn't have good numbers anymore (not like any startup I've been at ever has). I can't get a job at FAANG (I've done their onsites about a dozen times). I live in the most expensive region in the USA. I only receive a salary from a startup and stock is obviously worthless. My SO is committed to…

Some tough love incoming:

1. Delete this post. Your feelings are valid, as are your struggles, and a lot of people are struggling with similar issues. If you had posted under a throwaway, this would be a great place for discussion. But airing these issues publicly with identifying information won't help anything. Your coworkers and employer read this website, this isn't something you need to share with them.

2. You need to reevaluate your relationship. If you want to provide these things out of caring and love, great, go for it. But if you are doing it out of a feeling of obligation, the only result will be resentment. You can't change someone, and in all (non-dependent) relationships, it only works if both people want to be there under the same terms. If the terms you want for a relationship don't match hers, even with compromises, then it probably won't work out.

3. You have a skill that few people have: You can build something once and sell it over and over at no marginal cost. And people like you are needed everywhere. You can make a change, in location, in job, in relationship, etc. and you will have the earning potential where ever you go to make what you need. (What someone else needs, that's another question.)

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#745

As a team lead, one question I always ask in my 1-on-1's: On a scale of 1-5 (low good, high bad), what's your stress level since we last met? If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. We also address this as part of the simple assessment we do in each sprint retrospective. My company struggles to define meaningful KPIs and OKRs. This is the one that's most important to me.

What if the stress is mostly from outside the job? Some of it could be "solvable" (better pay, better hours, ...), but some of it may not (family problems, health issues, ...). Is it taken into account or addressed?

We all have periods of work stress and life stress. When life stress increases a manager can choose to find ways to decrease an employee’s work based stress.

As a manager I’d consider tools to use might include paid time off, temporary re-assignment to work that is more rewarding/less demanding.

Even simple things like showing concern by following up to find out how those life stresses are coming along and being an ear to listen can go a long way.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#746

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can relate here, not sure if this is a reality for you but one thing that's helped me in this regard is negotiating 25hr/wk arrangements (accepting the pay cut). More flexibility, and if you're willing to burn the midnight oil once in a while you can bump your pay with a second (hopefully temporary!) gig.

How does that work in practice? What do you do? I can do just about any tech job, but every employer I've ever had is only interested in more than full time. Maybe I've been unintentionally signalling that I'm capable of doing more and that's why I keep finding myself in this situation? I'd be much happier if I had half the salary and somehow was able to work 2x12hr days instead of 5x8hr days, but I have no idea how…

I actually wrote a post about this just now, perhaps it can show you some possibilities! https://medium.com/@marcospgp/how-i-code-for-4-hours-a-day-a...

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#747

I recently experienced months of sleeping problems. Where I wouldn't sleep for days. Or would sleep a few hours. I would be exhausted and my head would hit the pillow and BAM adrenaline and I can hear my heart pounding and I'm awake. It got so bad I would go into the basement and destroy a wall that I kept repairing. I would cry in frustration. I started to have suicidal thoughts. It was harming my marriage and made…

Not for anything because my situation is completely different. But I went through a difficult period too. And I actually realised I had stopped doing any kind of recreation at all. It sounds crazy but learning how to do nothing again is really hard. I couldn't actually game at all. I tried but I felt like I was doing a shift. So I started with driving and listening to soccer on the radio (something I hadn't been acti…

I believe you tried meditation but I don’t buy the “it doesn’t work for me”

That’s like saying exercise doesn’t work for you.

Maybe you are going too hard too fast and getting injured or any number of things that make it difficult.

But meditation works, even if it’s (like exercise) a difficult habit to pick up.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#748

I recently experienced months of sleeping problems. Where I wouldn't sleep for days. Or would sleep a few hours. I would be exhausted and my head would hit the pillow and BAM adrenaline and I can hear my heart pounding and I'm awake. It got so bad I would go into the basement and destroy a wall that I kept repairing. I would cry in frustration. I started to have suicidal thoughts. It was harming my marriage and made…

I feel the exact same with DoTA 2. Makes me relaxed and helps me sleep. Especially the part with "replaying some of the moments from the video game in my daydreaming imagination". Resonates a lot.

Every time I hit the Play button for ranked I feel such anxiety with Dota2. Normally I just play in the arcade, like 12v12 or some tower defense instead.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#749

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I stalked you a little based on that comment, and I can't figure out what it is you really do. You must be living a good life if you've got time to maintain a toy programming language ( https://github.com/kerkeslager/fur ), and you must be able to pick your work carefully if you're so passionate about GPL, which I can respect. But how do you make money? And how did you get started? I'd be concerned about losing healt…

I don't think I'm really ready to give you the keys to life or anything. I'm happy with where I'm at, but it's certainly not perfect and it wouldn't work for everyone. I'll answer your questions, though. > But how do you make money? I do web development, mostly. I mostly ensure that I have work by undercharging for my services ($80/hour, which is pretty competitive for a Python developer with 10+ years of experience,…

> ($80/hour, which is pretty competitive for a Python developer with 10+ years of experience, 6ish of them in Python)

I have this kind of experience, but the most I can make is $50/hour. How do you find high value clients?

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#750

I recently experienced months of sleeping problems. Where I wouldn't sleep for days. Or would sleep a few hours. I would be exhausted and my head would hit the pillow and BAM adrenaline and I can hear my heart pounding and I'm awake. It got so bad I would go into the basement and destroy a wall that I kept repairing. I would cry in frustration. I started to have suicidal thoughts. It was harming my marriage and made…

That's interesting because, after quitting WoW back in 2012 or so, a couple of years I started playing vanilla on a private server and now it's my go-to "down time" thing again. I'm currently kind of sad because my server shut down when Classic released (and I don't want to sign up to Classic for other reasons) and I'm missing my game. :/
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