Ask HN: Are you ok? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#681

Post by CM30 » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 10:15 PM UTC

Not at the moment. Feel kinda depressed, and lacking any motivation to do anything. Part of me wonders if it's simple burn out from trying to do too many things at once (multiple side projects plus a full time job), the other part wonders if I've simply lost most interest in coding altogether.

Still, not as if there are many alternatives now. Software engineering is the only thing I have any interest in that makes money any more, and the only ticket to a decent lifestyle. Other interests (like writing, journalism, etc) simply don't pay any more because of the internet whereas things like video production and game design are like buying lottery tickets.

Regardless, it's getting difficult to sleep because of it all. I always feel like there's more I should be doing, while having no energy or interest in actually doing it.

I also feel I can't really trust anyone either, which probably adds to the pressure a bit. Just found no one I can work with or even truly empathise with, so end up doing everything for every project I work on myself. If I make a game, then I have to draw the graphics, compose the soundtrack, design every level, write every line of code and text and do every aspect of the marketing myself, and I can't be happy til each and every one is at a professional standard. This obviously means few things actually get finished.

So yeah, depressed, finding it hard to sleep, obsessed over perfectionism in everything, unable to trust anyone and always stuck feeling there's far more I should be doing and that I should be more successful at everything.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#682

Post by jwilk » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 10:16 PM UTC

luhn wrote: post #665

qorrect wrote: post #657

Earlier quoted context omitted.

|There's a line from a song I like that goes "This place is designed to kill us and make us think it's our fault." What song ?

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=%22This+place+is+designed+to+kill+...

Linking to search engine results page is almost never helpful.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#683

Post by sjustns » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 10:16 PM UTC

I just wanted to comment to recommend a book: The Earth Has a Soul: C.G. Jung on Nature, Technology & Modern Life

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#684

Post by anon9001 » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 10:16 PM UTC

aristophenes wrote: post #643

anon9001 wrote: post #616

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thank you. You shouldn't be downvoted for saying this. I feel like you're saying what everyone else around me is thinking, but nobody has ever actually said. I don't even know why you'd have to preface it by saying you mean to be compassionate. If your belief is the common one, why isn't that something people talk about? Is it that taboo? Shouldn't this death of self be celebrated if it's how were made to be? Also, I…

Thanks for the thoughtful response. I didn't mean that becoming selfless should make you more dedicated to your job. It might do that, depending on your job. But the main thing is that you can start to enjoy everything more, particularly whatever it is you really should be doing. If you are in a place where you decide you should really be working, then you can work and not feel miserable about it. If you are in a pla…

Ok, that makes sense, but you make it sound like I know what I should be doing.

It's impossible to know what I should be doing in any kind of optimal way without knowing when I'm going to die.

If I'm going to die next year, I'd be pretty upset that I didn't quit my job today.

If I'm going to die far in the future, then I'm going to die homeless if I quit my job today, because I don't think I'd be ever be able to force myself to go back. I sometimes wonder what percentage of homeless people started off like me, where they couldn't take it anymore so they quit and then the money runs out.

> If you are so miserable while doing any kind of thing in a set way over any length of time, then you may find a soul-crushing moment where you have achieved permanent financial independence, are living your dream, and find this feeling overtaking you again. But this time there is no hope of an eventual way out.

I don't even think I'd be upset if this is what happens. At least I'd learn something about myself. I really have no idea who I am, and I've never had the chance to explore who I'd be without work for more than a couple of weeks at a time. Based on the few limited breaks I've had over the years, I suspect I'd be a very different person than I am today.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#685

Post by anon9001 » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 10:26 PM UTC

l_t wrote: post #587

anon9001 wrote: post #438

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How does that work in practice? What do you do? I can do just about any tech job, but every employer I've ever had is only interested in more than full time. Maybe I've been unintentionally signalling that I'm capable of doing more and that's why I keep finding myself in this situation? I'd be much happier if I had half the salary and somehow was able to work 2x12hr days instead of 5x8hr days, but I have no idea how…

Have you considered remote work? Sounds like it would be right up your alley. (Good) remote companies work based on results, not "butts in seats," so you're free to work in whatever way works best for you. Of course, you still have to be productive.

I do remote now, but I don't think much of anything is based on "results". We still have mandatory morning meetings, many meetings through the week, lots of questions to be answered, bugs to be fixed, new features to be written, etc. Maybe I should stop working for startups?

If I had a clear goal of "get this done for the week" and that was it, why wouldn't I just do it as quickly as possible and then not do anything else? I just assumed this whole system of meetings/checkins/standups/code-reviews/slack-channels/etc was set up to avoid people doing that.

If anything, I feel more pressure to be readily available when I'm remote.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#686

Post by avl999 » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 10:27 PM UTC

1msi wrote: post #506

No. I’ve been really stressed out about work. This was actually a very cool job (8 minute commute, good coworkers) until about a month ago when a former coworker got promoted to manager. Suffice it to say he’s not cut out for the position. Our recent sprints have left me with fuck-all to do almost all the time while being massively overworked the tiny remaining portion of the time. Had a heart attack at work 4 weeks…

> Suffice it to say he’s not cut out for the position. Our recent sprints have left me with fuck-all to do almost all the time while being massively overworked the tiny remaining portion of the time.

This seems like something to bring up/address in the Sprint retrospective. While I find that often retrospectives aren't very useful, this kind of quantifiable and actionable thing is exactly what they are meant for.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#687

Post by zentiggr » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 10:35 PM UTC

arghwhat wrote: post #605

Waterluvian wrote: post #393

I recently experienced months of sleeping problems. Where I wouldn't sleep for days. Or would sleep a few hours. I would be exhausted and my head would hit the pillow and BAM adrenaline and I can hear my heart pounding and I'm awake. It got so bad I would go into the basement and destroy a wall that I kept repairing. I would cry in frustration. I started to have suicidal thoughts. It was harming my marriage and made…

Glad you finally found a good solution, but I have to say that this is really worded like a bad old TV advertisement for WoW. :) I can also whole-heartedly recommend the Nintendo Switch for busy people: The instant suspend/resume of any game mean that you can quite easily continue where you left off in seconds. It's hard to find time to game when we get older.

Another option for us phone-always-in-reach types is the idle/incremental games. (Not a plug, I just happen to be trying out Antimatter Dimensions for now.)

The usual setup has you co a bunch of clicking and watching whatever numbers grow, and soon enough tools to autoclick become available. I open it occasionally, see what's happened in the meantime, do a few actions, "Clear All" to empty the app list and away I go until hours/days later and I happen to think of it in slower moments.

No actual goal, just 'bigger'. Sometimes there's wired in challenges or harder achievements, sometimes not.

Often enough, I clear data and start from scratch if I feel like it.

Very calm, but feels like a game anyway.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#688

Post by AntiqueFig » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 10:39 PM UTC

anon9001 wrote: post #460

p1esk wrote: post #375

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Find a remote job (take a pay cut if needed), move to a cheaper country if money is a concern. Work 3-4 hours on a beach. Totally realistic as long as you’re good at what you do and manage to get things done.

I did that and relocated from SF to a cheaper part of the country. How does working on a beach help? I'm expected to be online during core work hours and available for calls (in a quiet location with good internet). I feel like I've optimized working as much as humanly possible and I'm still going insane. My job pays well, has good benefits, has good coworkers, my opinion is valued, my work is appreciated, my boss is…

> I must be doing something wrong though, because if everyone felt like I do, society shouldn't be able to function.

No you're not doing anything wrong. You're not the problem, the society is.

Also I have to say that I feel exactly like you on everything you said on this thread.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#689

Post by DidISayTooMuch » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 10:40 PM UTC

If I can get a girlfriend, I'd be ok. People say you gotta be complete yourself and not look for another person to be alright, but that's kinda bullshit, I think.

I live in SF and dating is so app based here. I don't do well in these apps.

Apart from that, I think I'm ok. Don't really like working fulltime but I've gotta a FI/RE plan to leave in a few years.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#690

Post by bpchaps » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 10:40 PM UTC

johnfactorial wrote: post #380

bpchaps wrote: post #142

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No need to be patronizing.

Sorry, didn't mean to sound insulting, my wife and I routinely discuss leaving our programmer jobs to move out into the woods and raise chickens.

Ah sorry. That does sounds relaxing, even in jest.

I'm trying to get out of for-profit tech and into the non-profit space to do data/FOIA/investigative work. It's still "tech work" at the end of the day, but without the deep dread of making rich dudes richer.