Ask HN: Are you ok?

However, I would still strongly suggest seeing a therapist, or exploring online therapy tools. Escaping with video games is great supplement to a stress-management , and for short term comforts but a strong support system(recognizing and acknowledging stressors, discussing solutions with your partner and family, having an outlet to vent with a professional, and emotional tools for overall resilience improvement) should be your overall goal(and everyones goal).

Here are some resources I've identified for my affinity network at my work, but I think really should be around spread for everyone.

Mental Health is super important. "We all experience different levels of mental health throughout our lives. In fact, half of us will deal with some type of mental health challenge over the course of our lifetime." https://www.eachmindmatters.org/mental-health/

Consider taking mental health breaks and investing time into self-care, because your family and community cares about your well-being too and your contributions are going to be much greater with improved mental health: https://www.workplacestrategiesformentalhealth.com/newslette...

Explore utilizing mental health apps, like a cognitive behavior diary, meditation, or mood tracker to identify and improved harmful thinking patterns: https://adaa.org/finding-help/mobile-apps https://www.workplacestrategiesformentalhealth.com/employee-...

Learn about the signs for suicide risk (it is Suicide Awareness Week! And Tuesday was world suicide prevention awareness day) https://www.suicideispreventable.org/

I don't even know why you'd have to preface it by saying you mean to be compassionate. If your belief is the common one, why isn't that something people talk about? Is it that taboo? Shouldn't this death of self be celebrated if it's how were made to be?

Also, I think it's not a coincidence that my views on this definitely have not changed since I was a kid that hated school. I also rejected religion as a kid, and have continued to do so as an adult. Seems like you've got me figured out so far.

> It's not easy because it's like part of you has to die and it doesn't go quietly.

That is exactly what it feels like.

> But on the other side, where it becomes easy to start thinking about others first, everything starts to fall into place.

This is where you lost me. From my perspective, I would be a better person without the work obligation. I don't really know what I'd do without the obligation to work, but it would probably be more philanthropic than whatever my employer has me doing. Maybe I'd work on free software or anti-censorship? Or maybe I'd find joy in helping the disadvantaged in my local community? Or maybe I'd find virtue in starting a family? I have no idea, but I won't find out unless I luck into a few million bucks, because I can barely function while I'm employed. I can assure you I'd be a greater asset to society if I was unemployed than building commercial software.

> And I don't think we can really be happy until we achieve this state. When you can find joy in satisfying others, you have access to a bottomless well of happiness.

I don't understand. Are you saying that I should accept some greater wisdom that giving my employer my best waking hours is helping the company, and that is somehow greater than helping myself? If that were the path to fulfillment in life, I should be taking a pay cut and working longer hours, which is quite the opposite of what I'm trying to do here. I'm trying to hoard as much as possible because I know society won't support me later if I become unable to support myself. Which incidentally, is also what I believe my employer is doing for himself.

I suspect society only works because your view is widespread, but I still can't understand it.

In college, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after staying awake for three days and attempting suicide. I was hospitalized for a week, then had delusions and depression that persisted for months. Two years later I had a rough mixed episode. A year later I finished school.

I graduated with a social science degree and was lucky to get a customer service job in online retail making $13 / hour. I worked there for several years, taking abuse from regular American consumers. They would cuss me out for trivial reasons, like if I couldn't give them a discount on an item they had ordered if the price went down the next day. I held on because it almost paid the bills.

I managed to get a better customer service job at another company with a train commute. I studied coding on the train. I switched companies again, nearly doubling my pay, and kept studying as much as I could.

Years later, I'm a real Software Developer and I make a pretty decent living. More importantly, I've been asymptomatic for over ten years. I have a successful career and have built a great life for myself. And I'm happy.

Would I feel comfortable sharing my story in a professional setting? Probably not. It took some guts just to post this with a new account. I don't know what will need to change for the mental health stigma to go away. For now, I will probably continue to fly under the radar, maybe like many others.

Months ago a good friend was really battling depression. I wish I was better at helping people in need, I wish I could just find the happiness switch in their head and flick it to 'on'. But you can't usually fix another person. They have to do it. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try, far from it. Sometimes the best thing you can do is listen, try to understand, and help them help themself.

Or open the door for them to ask for help. Like by asking, "Are you OK?".

According to the calculators, I still have to put in at least another 10 years and save aggressively before I can quit.

I don't think I'm gonna last that long, and if I do, I don't know if there'll be any of me left to enjoy it.