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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#601

Post by arikr »

Waterluvian wrote: post #393

I recently experienced months of sleeping problems. Where I wouldn't sleep for days. Or would sleep a few hours. I would be exhausted and my head would hit the pillow and BAM adrenaline and I can hear my heart pounding and I'm awake. It got so bad I would go into the basement and destroy a wall that I kept repairing. I would cry in frustration. I started to have suicidal thoughts. It was harming my marriage and made…

For others reading this thread with sleep struggles, I highly recommend the book "The Sleep Book" by Meadows.

It solved my insomnia where nothing (black out curtains, eye masks, ear plugs, sleeping pills, room temperature, CBT, etc) did.

It's based on the premise that anxious thoughts about falling asleep make our brain scared of danger and our brain doesn't want to fall asleep when we could be in danger. So it has techniques for allowing those anxious thoughts to relax, and then your brain feels it's safe, and then you fall asleep.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#602

Post by codingstuffs »

koonsolo wrote: post #548
codingstuffs wrote: post #535

Appreciate the question. Not particularly - the work culture at my current employer is slowly killing me. I have managed (through meds/therapy) depression/anxiety. The startup I'm currently working for has no work/life balance, which is severely starting to affect my health. Engineers are on call all the time. Having to check email on nights and weekends is just a normal week now. There is very little task management…

You offer a service to your employer and agreed a price for that service. Don't wrongly assume that just because he pays you, he can ask anything. Of course he can ask anything, but that doesn't mean you have to agree with it. It works both ways, and he needs you as much as you need him. Make up your own mind of how far you want to go for which price, and stick with it. You have to set clear boundries in such situati…

Setting boundaries is something I've never really been good at, and definitely need to work on.

Thanks for the advice and encouragement.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#603

Post by aasasd »

anon9001 wrote: post #460
p1esk wrote: post #375

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Find a remote job (take a pay cut if needed), move to a cheaper country if money is a concern. Work 3-4 hours on a beach. Totally realistic as long as you’re good at what you do and manage to get things done.

I did that and relocated from SF to a cheaper part of the country. How does working on a beach help? I'm expected to be online during core work hours and available for calls (in a quiet location with good internet). I feel like I've optimized working as much as humanly possible and I'm still going insane. My job pays well, has good benefits, has good coworkers, my opinion is valued, my work is appreciated, my boss is…

Can't help noticing that you don't mention your own perception of purpose of the work in that list. Which is pretty obvious from the overall description anyway.

Sounds like you could use some rotation of occupations until you find anything that's of interest to you. Intrinsic interest trumps external motivation every time, just ask a procrastinator.

Personally I stumbled upon work that interests me purely by chance, only because the web was taking off back then. I don't even need to know I'm serving the humanity or building the future, just give me some scripting to fiddle with and I'll fiddle it into perfect shape. Have no idea how I'd function otherwise—would probably rot my brains off and drink myself to death as a janitor or something.

In fact, I'm getting serious dread from the thought that I should be switching occupations for the reasons of both health and money, and because youngsters are mashing keyboards faster.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#604

Post by croo »

anon9001 wrote: post #510
caconym_ wrote: post #491

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I also get the "waking up" feeling whenever I take more than a few days off, and going back to work feels like a death sentence (not in the judge-pounding-the-gavel sense, more in the it's-later-than-you-think sense). I don't feel suicidal, but I do feel desperate to waste less of my priceless time on piling up the money so that I can survive and support a family in a society that seems engineered to trap me in this…

> Maybe I'm just weak, for not being willing to throw it all away and go live in a barrel up in the mountains. It's unclear to me if this is a weakness or a strength. I don't know which way is up. Are you a stronger person if you're willing to say fuck it and go do your own thing and not be concerned with things like health care and financial stability? Or are you a stronger person by steadfastly holding your station…

The problem is you can't really choose. As someone with a spouse and kids and possibly other people depending on you (aka your income), the pressure to acquire a monthly payment is astounding. There really is no simple or quick way out of this rat race.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#605

Post by arghwhat »

Waterluvian wrote: post #393

I recently experienced months of sleeping problems. Where I wouldn't sleep for days. Or would sleep a few hours. I would be exhausted and my head would hit the pillow and BAM adrenaline and I can hear my heart pounding and I'm awake. It got so bad I would go into the basement and destroy a wall that I kept repairing. I would cry in frustration. I started to have suicidal thoughts. It was harming my marriage and made…

Glad you finally found a good solution, but I have to say that this is really worded like a bad old TV advertisement for WoW. :)

I can also whole-heartedly recommend the Nintendo Switch for busy people: The instant suspend/resume of any game mean that you can quite easily continue where you left off in seconds. It's hard to find time to game when we get older.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#606

Post by howard941 »

Waterluvian wrote: post #376
satokema wrote: post #162

Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…

> I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. When I lived in Waterloo, everyone was a software person or related so it wasn't a problem. But I moved to a small city where almost everyone is a factory worker of some sort for farming or auto industries. When someone asks and I say I'm a software engineer, it usually stops there. Or they'll say something along the lines…

Software doesn't have to be about automating people out of their jobs. You could be writing software for drones or some shit like that which brings new pleasure or value or both to another person's home or work life. It is complicated yes but it's not a life sentence of working on bad stuff. Your expertise enables you to work on positive things. I hope you find the role that lets you work on those things.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#607

Post by somasucks »

somasucks wrote: post #484

I don't know. I think I am? I come home from work and kill some time on the internet. Often times, I lose interest in whatever it is I'm doing and go to bed. I have acid reflux, so that prevents from eating stuff that I like as well. I don't like SF a lot, but I care about career progression and opportunities as well. I used to play a lot of video games, but I stopped now because of...I don't know - just lost interes…

EDIT: Ha, no one replied to my comment here either. Guess I'm a sad motherfucker after all. Onwards!

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#608

Post by kerkeslager »

anon9001 wrote: post #360

I'm shocked at how many people seem to be doing OK or have minor complaints. For me, I've realized that if I have to do anything for 40+ hours a week on a schedule, after a couple of weeks, I'd prefer being dead. I could be a professional ice cream taste tester or race car driver, and after about 3 weeks of showing up at a fixed time and putting in 8 hours, I'd still be ready to off myself again. When I have week-lon…

Start your own business, work fewer hours, and take the cut in pay. That's what I did, and I have no regrets. It's the best decision I ever made.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#609

Post by kerkeslager »

hhjinks wrote: post #551
anon9001 wrote: post #360

I'm shocked at how many people seem to be doing OK or have minor complaints. For me, I've realized that if I have to do anything for 40+ hours a week on a schedule, after a couple of weeks, I'd prefer being dead. I could be a professional ice cream taste tester or race car driver, and after about 3 weeks of showing up at a fixed time and putting in 8 hours, I'd still be ready to off myself again. When I have week-lon…

Here comes an inverse take. I used to believe what you believe... Before I started working. I couldn't imagine getting up before 9 every day and go to work, get home around 5, and repeat that every day. Now that I've actually started working, I've completely changed. I took a week off to play Classic, but I was tearing my eyes out after three days, bored out of my mind. Now I feel like I can never see myself retiring…

I have no idea what Classic is, but maybe it's not the thing you'd want to do so much of. That doesn't mean there isn't anything, or any combination of things, that you could do.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#610

Post by tempestn »

Jenz wrote: post #392
teppifk wrote: post #235

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. Most software engineers have a healthy circle of friends and social life. > I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. It's not any different when an electrician, lawyer or a doctor wants to talk shop. Most people you will interact with don't have the same interests as you. > I h…

> it could be poor social skills. Is this an area where you can improve? My social skills are abyssmally non-existant... I am in a suprisingly similar situation to satokemas, all but the fact that I do not ever doubt "why bother" (I love the world) and I go to high school— I don’t work, that is. I’ve been alone for two years in school now, although I just recently got one friend that is very understanding, though I g…

In addition to the other things mentioned, I'll just add that once you graduate you'll have a whole new environment with new opportunities to make friends. In particular, if you go to college I would recommend living on campus: dorm housing tends to often be a built-in group of friends. (And if you don't like the crowd you end up with, you can always move for the next semester.)

More generally though, you're still young and have lots of new opportunities to make friends ahead of you. So while I definitely agree with some of the other replies, if you find yourself struggling still, just remember high school isn't forever and there will be new opportunities in the future; you just have to be ready to take full advantage of them.

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