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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#351

Post by jiveturkey »

q5jwB6bD wrote: post #266

I'm sure that there are people in this thread that are in a lot worse situation than me but ... I could use some damn friends. Especially local ones with the same interests/hobbies. Also, my job is super boring. I have an advanced degree, multiple certificates, years of experience, moonlight as a consultant, and I write basic SQL SELECT statements in solitary confinement every day. I've tried to convince my organizat…

change jobs. change cities while you're at it! the change will be refreshing and might spur you to be [more like] the person you want to be.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#352

Post by agumonkey »

dyadic wrote: post #49

Not really. My country is being ripped apart, everyone seems so hateful against the other, the government talks about record employment level and pay while people are using foodbanks and sleeping in the streets. My own life is great by the standards that people usually use to measure success. But it feels so empty. I'd rather check out and go and live in a cave on a hill, but all the land and caves have been parcelle…

Sorry to hear that.

I often think about reconciliating tech with people. Going to help climate change related companies. Or solar powered (if that's of any help) ones.

Maybe even doing small apps for associations. At my last job, I saw how the used very limited tools and people have to work with paper listings the old way even though a simple bit of software logic could alleviate a good amount of stress. I think a lot of people are looking for that.

And just yesterday I ran into a german guy who made is own recruiting agency, his clients are helping optimizing energy consumption, plus they aim at open source too. Felt like a great idea to copy.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#353

Post by filoleg »

RankingMember wrote: post #151
lr wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I find that, almost all the time, in all of the places I have worked, I feel worse when a higher-up tries to make myself or the group feel less stressed. They have always, almost universally, tried to make it sound like it is not bad. Or they say, "Take time off, and do not respond to emails ." And if you do that, the rest of the team gets crushed, and then you have an insane amount of work when you get back, which p…

Why would you respond to emails on vacation? If the rest of the team gets crushed when someone takes their allotted time off, there are bigger issues at play.

Exactly. Unless it is a temporary stressful time of the year (like a big ship date coming up), then coming back from vacation shouldn’t be resulting in the rest of the team getting crushed or you getting swamped on your first days back. In which case, i would personally postpone the vacation. I know that work shouldnt dictate personal vacation plans, but luckily it never feels this way for me, because big ship dates and crunch periods are so damn rare on my team. Worst case scenario i just postpone my vacation until the next month (my own choice), and then i go fully stress-free.

It never feels like i have to plan my vacations around work, and my previous manager was very strictly insisting on no emails or comms while you were on vacation, and i loved how it actually worked out.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#354

Post by inthistogether »

baalimago wrote: post #247

Apart from the chronic daily suicidal thoughts, sure. Ironically enough, always choosing the future-safe choice of education, jobs, friends and so forth resulted into me not really wanting to have a future at all. My new strategy of finding relationships which guilt me into staying alive seems to be working out though. Good times. Longing for that plane crash or random heart attack I couldn't prevent. Of course I wor…

I'm so sorry. I'd offer a hug if possible.

1. I agree - living organisms are inherently cancer. Especially humans. However, I have come to accept without pain we cannot appreciate pleasure.

2. I have a great job, wife, kids, etc. but still feel depression and have suicidal thoughts. Do not feel guilty for them. Honestly, I might have killed myself if I didn't have children.

I also look at the world negatively. That's what I'm trying to change. Ignorance is bliss. If anything, work towards adding a rose-tint to the way you see the world. If we do that, and choose to make positive contributions, eventually we will outnumber the sour a$$-holes destroying us.

You can chat with suicide prevention online: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineCha...

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#355

Post by sickygnar »

scriptkiddy wrote: post #335

I feel like I'm fine. My job is OK. I'm not exactly passionate about the specific piece of software I'm working on, but I work with some very smart people who I learn a lot from, so that makes it a little less boring. My employer has been letting me work from home as much as I want despite having no official work from home policy, so that's contributing to a general uptick in mental positivity. When I first started a…

> Despite all of this, I still just feel like I want jump in my car and drive around the country for a few months. I want to get out. I miss having adventures.

If you don't have any responsibilities besides yourself, then why not. If you're good at what you do I'm sure they would give you a 3 month leave, or let you work remote on the road.

I did it when I was 27. No ragrets. Bought an RV and saw 36 states in around 4 months. Did a lot of hiking, biking, and sightseeing. I was working remotely during the time as well, had an unlimited verizon hotspot which worked great in 95% of places (had to plan ahead a bit). After the 4 months I was pretty much over it but so far I consider it my best life experience.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#356

Post by carapace »

sad-throwaway wrote: post #211

No... but I'm not sure what to do about it I spoke with a therapist, but it hasn't helped me much; he basically admitted he didn't know what to suggest. Maybe I'm weird, and need to find the right therapist, which is what people suggest when I tell them this hasn't been that useful What else can I do, HN? I feel so lonely all the time. I don't have any close friends and people only talk to me at work about work. I do…

Like others have already said: try more therapists. And try different kinds of therapy, even weird stuff. Therapy is a very YMMV area, eh?

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#357

Post by inthistogether »

UseStrict wrote: post #56

No, I'm really not okay. My current job is insanely unfulfilling, but I need to keep up appearances so I don't go bankrupt. I am saddled with a lot of debt, some of it stupid decisions, some of it valid, all of it soul crushing. I moved to a new city for my current job with a referral from a friend. But I have struggled to make meaningful relationships here in the last year. This is also impacting my career as while…

To be blunt, my life is great on the surface. I am the cause of my own issues, usually, because I am very unfilled, depressed, etc.

You're not alone.

I have learned that single-person businesses often fail because we lack support and accountability. Consider finding someone to work with you. It might become a strong bond. Try meetup.com and "ProgrammingPals" on reddit.

Good luck.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#358

Post by logfromblammo »

hayksaakian wrote: post #152
hprotagonist wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"i'm going to answer 3 every time because if i say 4 or 5 i am worried and anxious that you're going to fire me." Welcome to impostor syndrome!

Good point. One way I could try to pre empt this is to say: "nobody was ever fired for answering 4 or 5 to this question" But I'm not sure how effective that would be.

"...because they all understood intuitively that they would be fired if they ever did. Also, past performance is not indicative of future results."

So it would be zero effective. Employees cannot trust their employer to act ethically, at any level of management, ever. Full stop. Every measurement that could be used to influence management will be gamed. The employee can't know whether their manager is asking out of genuine concern, or due to a top-down directive to identify stressed workers, probably so they can be fired first.

If you want to know if the employees are stressed or unhappy, ask via an anonymizing third-party, such as their union rep.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#360

Post by anon9001 »

I'm shocked at how many people seem to be doing OK or have minor complaints.

For me, I've realized that if I have to do anything for 40+ hours a week on a schedule, after a couple of weeks, I'd prefer being dead.

I could be a professional ice cream taste tester or race car driver, and after about 3 weeks of showing up at a fixed time and putting in 8 hours, I'd still be ready to off myself again.

When I have week-long breaks from work (like holidays mixed with PTO), I regain the will to live and there's so much I want to do, and I'm so sad about how much time I've wasted. I start projects, I start forming relationships, I feel happiness. Then I go back to work, and the suicidal tendencies are way stronger than before I left.

The best way for me to survive seems to never allow myself time off of work, because I dare not remind myself of what a free life would be like, or I might not be able to endure my current circumstances for another day.

I just don't understand how people function as workers in society. I hope I can retire before this kills me.

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