Ask HN: Are you ok?

My wife and I have split up twice before but the last time was the worst. It bankrupted me and we almost divorced. We lost a house, a car, savings, etc. Historically, I come from an emotionally abusive background and suffer from anxiety and depression.

We keep saying we'll go to counseling but keep pushing it off. We are together now and have agreed to make it work. My last job was great but the compensation wasn't enough. So, I moved on and rejuvenated my career + family. Recently, the company has moved to a sales-centric organization instead of the engineering-centric organization I joined. I want to leave. I'm unhappy but can't give up the benefits. I'm trying not to take it out on my children - who I love so much but also have a nagging feeling sometimes that they have aged me and made my life more difficult.

Plus, eco-future is terrifying.

We go to church now. It's methodist. I don't believe in a man in the sky but find the community helps my depression. They offer counseling (a third party) for free. And I now work with the youth - more community focused vs religious.

Good luck. And it can get better.

how is he behaving with others ? the same ?

is it a large company with possibility to change team so to avoid this dude ?

If I may, after long illness I thought I'd work simple min-wage jobs to get back into active life. Few things hit me: you get around the same amount of shit there. Bad bosses, bad colleagues. Imperfect working conditions. The difference is, even underpaid, you get more money.

Maybe that will help you swallow the bitter pill for a little while.

Best of luck

My employer has been letting me work from home as much as I want despite having no official work from home policy, so that's contributing to a general uptick in mental positivity. When I first started at this place I was commuting 1.5 hours both ways. I would leave at 9AM and wouldn't get home until 9 at night. It was destroying my will to do anything.

I've been hitting the gym 5-7 days a week and seeing some good progress. I feel very physically fit.

I've made some new friends over the past couple of months which I feel really good about since it can be so difficult to make friends as someone going into their 30s.

Despite all of this, I still just feel like I want jump in my car and drive around the country for a few months. I want to get out. I miss having adventures.

Very few things in my life feel new and exciting anymore. The only time I ever feel truly fulfilled is driving on a clear canyon road or hiking in the mountains.

I don't think it's too bad though. I believe that every person feels this way right around my age. I just need to make sure I don't settle for a boring and unfulfilled life like so many people are willing to do.

That said, I've managed people who have mental health problems that results in high anxiety from answering these types of questions. As a manager / lead you have to know your employees and work with each of them as an individual.

This is way more important than that paycheck.

You'll be fine, one way or another. This isn't really about your boss, it's about you and your self-respect and fear of change and stuff like that. (I'm not going to try to psychoanalyze you from across the internet but this much is clear from what you wrote.)

Also, fire your therapist, as you are clearly getting ripped off there.