No - 2h one-way commute is slowly killing me and my recent Ask HN thread got 0 replies, so I am not sure what to do to change my commute. I live near my family in suburbia and don't want to move inside the city so am not sure what to do or how to feasibly get full remote employment as a deaf QA professional.
Ask HN: Are you ok?
181–190 of 898 posts
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#182Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…
Could you be persuaded into defending yourself every time he lashes out? That would fix both your psychology and hopefully his, too. You see, he is abusive because his life is miserable. Make it a hobby to give him a hard time by defending yourself and your work and the value you generate. Because if you don't value yourself, nobody has to.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#183I'm transgender and have struggled with it my entire life. I spent years using drugs to cope; I'm sober now but feel like it's too late to make any changes. I also work as a contractor, so expressing myself feels dangerous, I worry it'd be harder to get new client work.
I'm doing well professionally, but it all feels hollow and pointless. Like I'm just running in place till I keel over.
Thanks for asking, it helps to talk about it <3
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#184As a team lead, one question I always ask in my 1-on-1's: On a scale of 1-5 (low good, high bad), what's your stress level since we last met? If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. We also address this as part of the simple assessment we do in each sprint retrospective. My company struggles to define meaningful KPIs and OKRs. This is the one that's most important to me.
> If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. Why not 1? Is the only way to work effectively to be moderately stressed?
Taking small steps to solve big (especially personally existential) problems can be significantly less daunting that solving the world in one go. Obviously, getting everyone's stress level down to 1 would be best, but improving even a bit to get it down to 3 is a (gigantic) first step.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#185As a team lead, one question I always ask in my 1-on-1's: On a scale of 1-5 (low good, high bad), what's your stress level since we last met? If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. We also address this as part of the simple assessment we do in each sprint retrospective. My company struggles to define meaningful KPIs and OKRs. This is the one that's most important to me.
"i'm going to answer 3 every time because if i say 4 or 5 i am worried and anxious that you're going to fire me." Welcome to impostor syndrome!
That's why you should ask "From 1 to 5 except 3" and "from 1 to 10 except 7" because these values are "always" used as the default "I don't really care" answer.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#186Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…
You clearly bother yourself WAY too much with what other people are thinking. Believe me, you'd be better off pursuing what you truly love instead of trying to fit into what you think is 'normality'.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#187Not really. My country is being ripped apart, everyone seems so hateful against the other, the government talks about record employment level and pay while people are using foodbanks and sleeping in the streets. My own life is great by the standards that people usually use to measure success. But it feels so empty. I'd rather check out and go and live in a cave on a hill, but all the land and caves have been parcelle…
I'm fairly certain we're from two different countries, but you pretty much described my feelings to a T. I wonder if this is a normal pattern, or whether the world is going through some sort of slow breakdown with no recent historical precedent?
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#188Can't change jobs right now because of upcoming trip with my mother in November, and the client will probably not renew the contract in december (from 16 people, from client and my company, 5 already left). The timing is not right to change jobs, and it's giving me a lot of stress.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#189Sort of. I have good and bad days. While my job is in the field I want to be in (predictive modeling/SWE), the team culture is so meh. No one talks to one another. I'm 25 and I am about a year into the first serious relationship of my life. She is everything I could ever ask for, but I just have constant anxiety that I'm never good enough (I make a really good salary, run a nonprofit outside of work, and have a huge…
Can relate. Tell her all that and stay the course. Trust takes a long time to build, even if you don't feel like it's lacking. Hard to be vulnerable about that kind of stuff but if she's understanding and supportive you'll develop deeper intimacy and the sexual anxiety will clear up over time.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#190I am 'OK' in the sense that I like all of my colleagues and really do enjoy my work as a technical product manager. What's not 'OK' is that a snake-oil salesman/professional bullshitter who calls himself an 'Agile Consultant' has embedded himself in the organization. He's an all-talk arrogant blowhard with a savior complex centered around rescuing us from 'Waterfall'. What's not 'OK' in my personal life: I've been ha…
Well I gotta say, I've worked in Waterfall and now Agile and I couldn't even explain how much better it is. I feel like I can actually do my job now instead of worrying every day about process. You won't know how much better you're going to have it until you switch. Waterfall is a shackle around your hands and feet keeping you from getting actual work done. That being said, if you have an Agile consultant who is not…
I totally understand Waterfall vs Agile. Story points, grooming, estimates, continuous release, potentially shippable product, etc.
I actually agree with the Scrum Guide [0], so my problem isn't with Agile; it's with this specific Agile Consultant who doesn't seem to "get" that process is often a proxy for talent/trust/respect and is just winging-it/BSing us all.
Imagine Bill Lumbergh from Office Space with a ton of two-day CS[a-Z]+ certifications who has never written a single line of code, designed a relational database, spec'ed out an API, etc. micromanaging every meeting while fundamentally misunderstanding the concepts of "collaboration" and "cross-functional teams." He knows what to talk about but has such a superficial understanding that he doesn't know why it's useful or when to apply concepts. Google 'Cargo Cult Agile'