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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#91

Post by wycy »

open-paren wrote: post #41

I'm kinda struggling right now. I'm a few months from graduating with a BS in CS, and I'm scared. Not scared about getting a job (I've had a few internships and have a solid handshake return offer from more than one of them) or “the next step” (kids? house?) independently, just the combination of all those things. How do I find a job that's is within a same commute distance, but also affordable? How do I find a job t…

Moneywise, if you expect to make roughly $100k and can buy a townhouse for roughly $300k in your area, that's a pretty good financial position to be in.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#92

Post by derekp7 »

open-paren wrote: post #41

I'm kinda struggling right now. I'm a few months from graduating with a BS in CS, and I'm scared. Not scared about getting a job (I've had a few internships and have a solid handshake return offer from more than one of them) or “the next step” (kids? house?) independently, just the combination of all those things. How do I find a job that's is within a same commute distance, but also affordable? How do I find a job t…

Pick another area to live. For example, where I'm at there are plenty of tech jobs (many in the financial, insurance, or older industry sectors, not many web companies though) which can pay 80k to 130k once you've established yourself after a few years. And a lot of houses that need a bit of refurbishment available really cheap (60 - 100k), or houses that are move-in ready but a bit older for 150 - 200k.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#93

Post by mapcars »

theanine wrote: post #55

Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…

So.. why don't you leave?

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#94

Post by appleiigs »

mpfundstein wrote: post #20
hluska wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You sound like an excellent team lead!

Asking that question is the simple part. I am more curious what he actually does afterwards to reduce the stress..

I wouldn't dismiss the effect of simply asking the question. Often the boss can't do anything about it. But it's helpful for many employees to be at least heard.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#95

Post by 52-6F-62 »

TamDenholm wrote: post #16

Right now no, the last couple weeks is where everything in my life is going down the shitter. I'm trying to just get on with it cuz my stoic nature just tells me I'll get through it eventually. I'm in substantial debt for me but at the rate in which I earn I can pull myself out of it within 6 months, but I've been working on launching new companies and it's been a struggle. My 2 cofounders are waiting for me to finis…

There are a lot of PHP/JS jobs in Toronto. Mostly working with WordPress. It's not in my sphere so I can't point you in any specific directions but if you're anywhere near there it's worth a look. Some do office/remote and some do fully remote AFAIK.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#96

Post by ficklepickle »

el_cujo wrote: post #29

Nope. I hate my current job and am trying to pick up some new skills in my spare time so I can switch, but its very hard to come home from my 9-5 and feel motivated to study a new subject. Progress is extremely slow and often feels hopeless. Any time I'm not studying I feel paralyzed by the stress of knowing that I should be doing that instead, and yet I'm so far from being done that I get no reprieve if I actually d…

Once I stopped being hard on myself, motivation came easier. It is still hard with a 9-5 though. Watch the negative self-talk. Negative reinforcement makes me less motivated and more guilty. Be kind to yourself and celebrate the little victories.

I also hate my job. Bad culture and unfulfilling. We will both find something better in due time, I can feel it.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#97

Post by abbiya »

I have been attending lot of interviews but not able to go through even the first rounds. I have nearly 7years experience in the industry. I mostly work on backends. I worked on iOS Android php node Java golang projects. My recent project included writing APIs backed by hyperledger using node. I also have a hacker news spin called 8hrs.xyz

Most of the interviews feel like a test. Not one of them gives me feedback even though I specifically asked for it. Lot of interviewers just ask questions from geeksforgeeks. I know data structures and algorithms are as important as other things. I know I lack grip on Ds and algos. Not that I don't like working for current company but its been 3yrs here. I'm not married yet. My mother always worries about that. No girlfriend, it's just Indian thing. I am going bald. My eyesight is decreasing and I blame computers for that. My last three meetings with girl's family side went sideways. It gives me anxiety to look at people talk about what happens if ones skill set goes obsolete. I used find it hard to stay feeling ignored by everyone and about the whole living. I did green and alcohol. After a long period of high I stopped all that and started going to gym, relearning mathematics with the help of YouTube and online resources. I took up photography. My nieces love me. I learned to ignore the bullshitters and started trying to live a good life.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#98

Post by jjordan »

theanine wrote: post #55

Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…

Is there anyone you can lean on financially or with a place to stay so that you can get yourself out of this extremely toxic situation? I can't imagine that another job would be anywhere near this level of stress. In the meantime I would suggest attending meetups and talking up how you are looking for new opportunities. I have found that applying online is far less effective in finding employment than just showing up and networking.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#99

Post by charmander_ »

Sort of. I have good and bad days. While my job is in the field I want to be in (predictive modeling/SWE), the team culture is so meh. No one talks to one another.

I'm 25 and I am about a year into the first serious relationship of my life. She is everything I could ever ask for, but I just have constant anxiety that I'm never good enough (I make a really good salary, run a nonprofit outside of work, and have a huge variety of interesting things about me), despite her constant reassurances to the contrary (she doesn't know I have these feelings of inadequacy. I kind of feel like Alexander Skarsgard's character (sans the violence, for sure) in Big Little Lies - he tells his wife, "I'm fearful because you could have your pick of the litter, leave me at the drop of a hat and be with someone equally wonderful just like that." I also have been plagued recently by a few bouts of "losing wood" when having sex - nothing more disappointing to me than getting her almost "there" and then my little member disappears... But even just this last weekend we had great sex three days in a row... then for some reason things just don't go as planned other nights.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#100

Post by wycy »

Bootwizard wrote: post #68
open-paren wrote: post #41

I'm kinda struggling right now. I'm a few months from graduating with a BS in CS, and I'm scared. Not scared about getting a job (I've had a few internships and have a solid handshake return offer from more than one of them) or “the next step” (kids? house?) independently, just the combination of all those things. How do I find a job that's is within a same commute distance, but also affordable? How do I find a job t…

I'm 3 years into my career and I can tell you I felt exactly the same way. A few things: - You don't need to buy a house outright, get a loan. The only big cost is just the downpayment (5-20% of the price) - There are no shortage of jobs out there for you as a new grad, but there are very few good jobs (at least where I live, YMMV). It's ok to work somewhere you don't like that pays the bills for a year and then find…

> - The only big cost is just the downpayment (5-20% of the price)

Also closing costs can be large. I'd long thought the big up-front cost was the down payment plus maybe $3k of inspections and closing costs, so I was surprised when I bought my place and had nearly $30k in closing costs, transfer taxes, etc up front.

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