Yes, but it took a lot of work to get here. I spent many years working at Uber during the hyper growth periods, and even before that a lot of startup life. It really took its toll on me, and by the end of it I was an alcoholic mess. I was lucky that after my time at Uber I was able to quit my job and re-evaluate my situation. It's been 1 year since then, and I can say my life is permanently altered forever. So many of my dreams are starting to come true, things I have been trying so hard to achieve since I was a teenager. I always fantasized about quitting my job and growing as a human, but I never thought it possible, or would be realistic. I am here on the other side now and would like to say to everyone here that it is worth a shot. Do some short term free-lancing after you quit your job, stay afloat. You are worth it. Your life is incredibly important.
Ask HN: Are you ok?
251–260 of 898 posts
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#252No. My work stress level is basically maxed out and has been for a long time. I'm not coping with it. I can't sleep well, and at night my thoughts are filled with ideas of suicide. The thought of putting a gun to my head is calming, like I'd finally be able to relax. I imagine a lot of elaborate and violent ways to go, and these thoughts seem to be the only things that relax me enough to fall asleep. There's no point…
Take some time off to care for yourself. Do some exercise and try meditation and CBT. Don't hope for things to fix themselves, and admit you are heading in the wrong direction.
It doesn't sound like OP's life is broken. He is actually OK. It is just that his life has no meaning/purpose for him. Most of life is a circus, I agree with him, but there are nice things too. Unfortunately he doesn't see it this way.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#253No... but I'm not sure what to do about it I spoke with a therapist, but it hasn't helped me much; he basically admitted he didn't know what to suggest. Maybe I'm weird, and need to find the right therapist, which is what people suggest when I tell them this hasn't been that useful What else can I do, HN? I feel so lonely all the time. I don't have any close friends and people only talk to me at work about work. I do…
Do you have any hobbies or interests outside of work? Is there something that you have always wanted to try but found it hard to start? Perhaps checking up on meetup or something like that...
Along the same lines, city intramurals ("beer leagues") could be an option too. In most places you can sign up as a single and be placed on teams that need more people. It has the advantage of getting you out of the house, doing something physical which can also help, and you get to consistently meet people? It's also harder to slack off and quit since you're part of a team.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#254[deleted]
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#255I am the CTO of a semi-successful startup but I believe, this is actually my biggest cause of stress and depression. I have been a software developer for roughly 8 years so I am still learning a lot. I was able to scale the company to handle hundreds of thousands of photos a day but the second I hired a more senior developer I find myself feeling like an imposter. I am always second-guessing myself, how I name things…
I'm way less experienced than you but I can tell you without doubt: as a CTO you are not expected to be the best developer/technical person in your organization. You're supposed to have good enough skills to understand what's going on and "rockstar ninja 10x" (lol) planning and communication skills, to act as a bridge between the technical team and customers/CEO, and to make sure you provide your team with anything t…
You phrased this way better then me. I concur.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#256Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…
I used to work in a place where I was surrounded by these "normies" for a lack of a better term. I had absolutely nothing in common with any of my coworkers. Maybe one of them because we both enjoyed expensive coffee, but that was superficial at best.
I was miserable for the year and a half I was there, and I found a new job where everyone is a nerd. I love every single minute of my "work" day.
Your environment can poison your self image, so leave and find somewhere that suits you better. Personal fit in a company is sometimes more important than the tech you're working on.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#257Situation degraded over the time. I'm a beginning PhD student in a small lab in a top university of the country I live. Basically every of my projects have been cancelled. A paper I was writing and cared about for a small conference too. I'm forced to write something for a really hard conference about something that's not my idea on a topic I don't care. I have a "special" treatment: I have to point most of the work…
Any reason not to leave?
Do you have other career options you are qualified for?
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#258No... but I'm not sure what to do about it I spoke with a therapist, but it hasn't helped me much; he basically admitted he didn't know what to suggest. Maybe I'm weird, and need to find the right therapist, which is what people suggest when I tell them this hasn't been that useful What else can I do, HN? I feel so lonely all the time. I don't have any close friends and people only talk to me at work about work. I do…
Not sure what are your hobbies (if any). If you have some passion that you're unable to share, I'd advise actively looking for people with a similar taste online.
It's usually quite easier to make friends from unknown people sharing a similar taste than to convert your existing social group to what you like.
Also, if you're kinda good at something, googling some pedagogy basics and teaching it for free in your spare time will make you meet grateful people.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#259It varies. I'm 18, working a high pressure and underpaid development job. I have some clue what I'm doing, but I'm nowhere near skilled enough to get another job fast, and my work/life balance isn't exactly giving me time to learn new skills. I have some social life, but it feels like that's the only thing holding me back from insanity.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#260Earlier quoted context omitted.
Good point. One way I could try to pre empt this is to say: "nobody was ever fired for answering 4 or 5 to this question" But I'm not sure how effective that would be.
I'm afraid I wouldn't believe you. With rare exceptions, management wants to hear 'no problem' and that 'everything is fine'. The next thing to do is a PowerPoint chart for the 2nd level managers showing names and stress levels over time with trends.
Companies loose more when people run into burnout and become sick or leave the company. If the company doesn’t care about your wellbeing, leave.
Also you should leave when there is more middle management then people who do real work.