Ask HN: Are you ok?

I spoke with a therapist, but it hasn't helped me much; he basically admitted he didn't know what to suggest. Maybe I'm weird, and need to find the right therapist, which is what people suggest when I tell them this hasn't been that useful

What else can I do, HN?

I feel so lonely all the time. I don't have any close friends and people only talk to me at work about work. I do try to make an effort to talk to people about their lives and such - but they never reciprocate

I'm afraid that if I try to kill myself, I might make a mistake and could end up crippled. Alive, just with an even lower quality of life. That fear is about the only thing keeping me alive at the moment

I'm so tired of being alive. I just feel unwanted and unloved all the time

https://khanism.org/perspective/minimalism/

I attempted this a 2nd time in a car and it wasn't quite as good, but I'm still glad I did it:

https://khanism.org/perspective/a-tale-of-two-journeys/

If you're under 30, holiday work visas are great. Tons of countries have these agreements, they're cheap ($200 ~ $300) and let you live and work in another country for a year. The US has them with Australia, NZ, Ireland and a few non-English speaking countries too. IT work doesn't require certification like some professions (medical, legal) so it's easier for us to get work.

A lot of people are afraid to make these kinds of jumps. I will admit after that last 5 month drive and watching my bank account drain, I can understand the security of a job and I probably won't take off again (unless I can get into grad school to work on my PhD). It's much more difficult with family/kids, although two people I graduated with lived out of an RV for a while and even raised their kids for the first few years in RVs. One got off the road because he got cancer and needed to settle down to be close to a hospital for treatment. The other decided to home school in the RV.

> step over people on my way to work

This was one of the reasons for the 2nd journey, because that was life in Seattle.

I think overall this concept seems nice, the "R U OK?" but it fails to actually help people from the systemic problems of dissatisfaction with life. The best intentions cannot solve issues of loneliness or missing a life partner. They cannot correct a society which pushes young men and women to get STEM jobs and fancy careers instead of going into the fields they want (honestly I think men should be encouraged to go into art and education and more fulfilling work instead of women being encouraged into the same careers that leads men to be totally unhappy with our lives; but that's a whole different rabbit hole).

I'll end this rant by saying I've been lonely for quite some time, but still recently walked away from two potential relationships. One of them brought up really early she wanted a family and the other I had shared the fact that I didn't want kids. When I was younger I always assumed I'd have kids, because every girl I dated wanted them. Now that I'm almost 40; I just don't want to bring anyone else into this world to suffer and die.

I think these problems are big, really big, and this kind of website or concept isn't going to help people really get past the feeling of deep unsatisfactions with our lives. That takes a lot more work; and a way to build a better world.

While you're at it, you're choosing the modern-average crowd of people who do nothing interesting with their personal lives. Sports fans, movies, bars? Come on!

Easy first step: pick an individual sport and stick with it for a year. Check out your local bouldering gym or get into tennis, for example. Both of those have above-average, healthy, driven, interesting people.