Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…
Ask HN: Are you ok?
201–210 of 898 posts
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#202Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#203I am the CTO of a semi-successful startup but I believe, this is actually my biggest cause of stress and depression. I have been a software developer for roughly 8 years so I am still learning a lot. I was able to scale the company to handle hundreds of thousands of photos a day but the second I hired a more senior developer I find myself feeling like an imposter. I am always second-guessing myself, how I name things…
A leader is supposed to bring smart people together, not be the smartest guy in the room.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#204Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#205As a team lead, one question I always ask in my 1-on-1's: On a scale of 1-5 (low good, high bad), what's your stress level since we last met? If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. We also address this as part of the simple assessment we do in each sprint retrospective. My company struggles to define meaningful KPIs and OKRs. This is the one that's most important to me.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#206I have a "special" treatment: I have to point most of the work days (3) in the middle morning at the lab (I'm a night owl). I'm the only one subject to this while everyone else is free to come or not to the lab (some student are almost never there). At first it was every working day but I rebelled against. I also said no the have my desk moved besides my day-to-day supervisor, in the researchers' room.
I've been recently been told in front of everyone that my research didn't advanced for 6 months (public humiliation). I've also received nicely worded email from the laboratory head about my (supposedly) inability to graduate. One small project of mine had been totally removed from the list of what's done with our partners, with no explanations, despite its usefulness, my ability to complete it in time. I've not being invited at some research events were most of the lab participated, nor to go meet field partners.
So I have zero academics liberty, I'm forced to work on stuff the I have no interest in, the projects & papers I care are cancelled, I'm charged with menials tasks, then I'm basically told I'm lazy... At least every other lab members are kind, some very supportive. I just feel like the black sheep.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#207Earlier quoted context omitted.
Asking that question is the simple part. I am more curious what he actually does afterwards to reduce the stress..
An inappropriate neck massage usually reduces the stress..
Relatedly, I've heard that in Helsinki they have some mobile saunas which are parked in front of businesses which are available for stressed out employees... not sure how true it is.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#208Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…
I think you just need to find more interesting people to talk to. It's them, not you.
Reminds me of a quote I found helpful: "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#209Earlier quoted context omitted.
"i'm going to answer 3 every time because if i say 4 or 5 i am worried and anxious that you're going to fire me." Welcome to impostor syndrome!
That's why you should ask "From 1 to 5 except 3" and "from 1 to 10 except 7" because these values are "always" used as the default "I don't really care" answer.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#210Earlier quoted context omitted.
Good point. One way I could try to pre empt this is to say: "nobody was ever fired for answering 4 or 5 to this question" But I'm not sure how effective that would be.
I'm afraid I wouldn't believe you. With rare exceptions, management wants to hear 'no problem' and that 'everything is fine'. The next thing to do is a PowerPoint chart for the 2nd level managers showing names and stress levels over time with trends.