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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#191

Post by ropiwqefjnpoa »

canardlaquay wrote: post #173
satokema wrote: post #162

Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…

You clearly bother yourself WAY too much with what other people are thinking. Believe me, you'd be better off pursuing what you truly love instead of trying to fit into what you think is 'normality'.

Yes and no, being able to share your interests with others is deeply rewarding. It often enhances our enjoyment as opposed to doing it all alone.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#192

Post by hntemp190912 »

DoofusOfDeath wrote: post #158
hntemp190912 wrote: post #113

No. My work stress level is basically maxed out and has been for a long time. I'm not coping with it. I can't sleep well, and at night my thoughts are filled with ideas of suicide. The thought of putting a gun to my head is calming, like I'd finally be able to relax. I imagine a lot of elaborate and violent ways to go, and these thoughts seem to be the only things that relax me enough to fall asleep. There's no point…

I'm really sorry. I can relate a little about the work anxiety, but a lot about the existential dread. While I don't have any pat answers for you, I'd like to encourage you about the existential anxiety you feel. If my personal experience is anything to by, you have a few reasons for hope on that front. First, unless you've thoroughly explored a lot of world views, you can hold out hope that you'll find one that you…

I've already put the effort into developing friendships... I moved back to my childhood home where I'm close to family and many of my life-long best friends. I see them all the time now.

It doesn't matter. None of it is making me think life is worth it at this point. So what, so I get to see family and friends? Then what? I go back to bed and want to die again.

My world view is mostly rooted in Camus's writing on the myth of Sisyphus. There's no point to any of it, life is absurd, but the daily struggles I go through are supposed to be enough to fill my heart.

Until they aren't any more, and any way out seems better than repeating the same shit day in, day out, where days blur together and I'm treading water until I die.

My thoughts aren't on my existential dread 100% of the time, but they seem to be my baseline. They're what I return to when things get quiet and I'm trying to sleep. When I fail at a project and I have to start over. When the weed wears off. When I wake up. When I'm not actively distracting myself.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#193

Post by apolymath »

I can care less about what people think, I have an unbreakable mindset to protect my dignity, honor, and freedom of speech. I will never need psychological help because not one person on this planet can mentally/emotionally damage me. I persevere as a software engineer / FPS gamer / cyclist / drone racer / graphic designer / web developer (C#, T-SQL, ECMAScript 8, SASS) / mobile app developer (react native), open source developer.

I don't allow myself to get into extremely stressful situations. If anyone tries to force me into a stressful situation, I refuse. I will not be a "hero" unless someone's life is in danger. I am willing to quit my job to prevent myself from being overwhelmed by stress. I have a certain level of expectations when it comes to how I am treated as a human being and how I treat others. I am not responsible for anyone's "feelings" except my own, therefore, even though I respect one's feelings, I am willing to disregard them to prevent my own suffering. My mental health is more important than anyone else' mental health because I am human, humans can be ruthless individuals, and so I must protect myself from the ruthlessness of this world. If the world was different, let's say, like it is in Bhutan where they have an economy based on happiness instead of export, I would be more willing to be emotionally vulnerable towards other people, but this modern world of ours is in fact ruthless.

...and that concludes my rant.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#194

Post by EulersBridge »

chadwilken wrote: post #148

I am the CTO of a semi-successful startup but I believe, this is actually my biggest cause of stress and depression. I have been a software developer for roughly 8 years so I am still learning a lot. I was able to scale the company to handle hundreds of thousands of photos a day but the second I hired a more senior developer I find myself feeling like an imposter. I am always second-guessing myself, how I name things…

I'm really sorry to hear what you are going through, I can't offer you any sage words of wisdom. Just solidarity and recognition of the difficulty you must be having. I honestly have no clue what I would do in that situation. All I know is circumstances change over time. Also, you hired him because he is good, that speaks to your judgement as CTO. EDIT: Personally I tend to feel like someone who is more competent than me in a specfic area is secretly judging me, I've rarely found that to be the truth. I'm not a mind reader, but my brain tends to act like I am one.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#196

Post by kraftman »

mccolin wrote: post #184
kraftman wrote: post #172

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. Why not 1? Is the only way to work effectively to be moderately stressed?

Taking small steps to solve big (especially personally existential) problems can be significantly less daunting that solving the world in one go. Obviously, getting everyone's stress level down to 1 would be best, but improving even a bit to get it down to 3 is a (gigantic) first step.

That makes sense. I guess I read it as '3 is the goal' rather than '3 is a step in the right direction.'

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#197

Post by throwa20190912 »

No, I am not. I love the field I chose(CS) and the kind of work around it. But after working for a while it doesn't seem fulfilling on a personal level. I don't feel motivated to work on tasks if all I have to do is build some SAAS products where all I am doing is trying to earn more money and not really contributing to something great. When I say something great think of something like the 'Apollo Missions ' by NASA. They were truly groundbreaking in what they did and took the whole human race forward, while the stuff I am doing is nowhere close. I don't feel motivated to do it and it doesn't give me satisfaction.

In life, I can't seem to get attached to a person in a romantic relationship for a long time. I hate moving from one person to another but I can't find the one that will be perfect for me and me for her.

After all this, I started falling in a depression spiral and started having suicidal ideation. I really want to off myself, the only thing that is stopping me is my parents and friends. I can't inflict that pain on them but I don't want to even continue this existence.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#199

Post by Phlarp »

satokema wrote: post #162

Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…

You should not feel social pressure over having traditionally "nerdy" interests.

10's of millions of people have played WoW over it's 15 year run and I suspect a large number of software engineers that were exposed to the original game as teenagers are enjoying playing classic now.

You shouldn't feel like you need to beat yourself up for not having some version of "normative" interests or not aligning with what you see others doing.

Finally, always keep in mind that people are generally far too worried about their own lives to dissect yours. You say you feel discomfort telling people you are a software engineer? Have you ever considered that the sports fans and netflix watchers first reaction to hearing that might be "damn, I wish I had my shit together enough to learn a valuable professional skill like satokema has"

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#200

Post by toyg »

MentallyRetired wrote: post #108
dyadic wrote: post #49

Not really. My country is being ripped apart, everyone seems so hateful against the other, the government talks about record employment level and pay while people are using foodbanks and sleeping in the streets. My own life is great by the standards that people usually use to measure success. But it feels so empty. I'd rather check out and go and live in a cave on a hill, but all the land and caves have been parcelle…

I'd ask what third world country you live in, but it really sounds like America right now.

I’d bet good money parent was talking about the UK.

But yes, a lot of countries are like that at the moment.

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