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I Won’t Buy My Teenagers Smartphones

theatlantic.com

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Re: I Won’t Buy My Teenagers Smartphones

#51

Post by dxhdr »

leetcrew wrote: post #18
docker_up wrote: post #11

My friend recently got his sons a smartphone and he says their relationship has been irrevocably damaged because of it. Not because they are rude, etc. But when they used to talk, now it's complete silence and them looking at their phones, chatting with their friends or girlfriends. He hates the phones now because there is no socialization whatsoever with his kids. The power of the phone is that strong, and he had su…

one possible interpretation of this story is: when given the option, the son prefers to talk to his friends instead of his parent. the phone is not the culprit here; it merely revealed a pre-existing preference.

Yet another interpretation: text message notifications provide a larger a dopamine response than a spoken conversation.

Re: I Won’t Buy My Teenagers Smartphones

#52

Post by ls612 »

helpPeople wrote: post #20
docker_up wrote: post #11

My friend recently got his sons a smartphone and he says their relationship has been irrevocably damaged because of it. Not because they are rude, etc. But when they used to talk, now it's complete silence and them looking at their phones, chatting with their friends or girlfriends. He hates the phones now because there is no socialization whatsoever with his kids. The power of the phone is that strong, and he had su…

What if I told you this has little to do with phones, but rather the dynamic between parent and child?

What if I told you most parents don’t care what their (teen/young adult) children want, but instead care about what they want for said children?

Re: I Won’t Buy My Teenagers Smartphones

#53

Post by michaelmior »

y4mi wrote: post #7

This is clearly written by an adult who forgot how most children behave. If they're the only ones without a smartphone, they'll be single out. Especially with how prevalent online communication has become. They might not be bullied (though they probably will be), but growing up as the outsider comes with is own can of worms. They'll most likely survive it, but it'll have it's effect... But everything has consequences…

> which has at least as many dangers for their mental health as the alternative had

While I'm not saying there aren't issues with not having a smart phone, I'm not sure there is evidence to support this. It may very well be true, but it's hard to say.

Re: I Won’t Buy My Teenagers Smartphones

#54

Post by ineedasername »

y4mi wrote: post #7

This is clearly written by an adult who forgot how most children behave. If they're the only ones without a smartphone, they'll be single out. Especially with how prevalent online communication has become. They might not be bullied (though they probably will be), but growing up as the outsider comes with is own can of worms. They'll most likely survive it, but it'll have it's effect... But everything has consequences…

I don't know, we didn't bully kids that didn't have a Nintendo/Sega/Playstation growing up, I'm not sure this is too much different. My son is 9 and wants a phone. He has a tablet. The only reason he can articulate for wanting a phone is that many of his friends have one, which is not a great reason. He has a specialized kids watch that is a phone, so he's covered on the "contact parents" front. Otherwise, he's never said anything about getting made fun of on the issue, and he's been plenty upfront when anything like getting made fun of or bullying has been an issue in the past.

Re: I Won’t Buy My Teenagers Smartphones

#55

Post by jonstokes »

holdenc wrote: post #36
gwbas1c wrote: post #26

Just curious: Any parents in this thread? When did you give your kids smartphones? We're at the point where we replace our phones every two years, and plan on letting our kids use the old ones. (Probably wifi-only, mostly to keep costs under control.)

It's a short trip between 15 and 18 years old. Treat a 15 year old like a baby, and they'll be making up for lost time their first year away from home. A 15 year deserves a smart phone, but should respect the house rules on when it's ok to use.

I'm a parent of three girls, the oldest of which is 10. None of them will have smartphones, probably not even in high school. I run my house pretty much like the author of the article -- there are gadgets on the weekend, only. And even then the internet-connected ones are very carefully controlled and there are a ton of rules.

But you know what? My kids aren't babied. My oldest and I just went to a two-day rifle shooting clinic, and the two oldest have knives of their own that are very sharp and that they can use whenever they want.

They hike in the woods by our house, unsupervised, and they ride horses and swim. They climb trees. They camp in a tent in the woods by the house.

As for their peers? Those poor kids have never even touched a sharp knife, much less been given one of their own. My kids are well aware that they're allowed to take a lot more risks than their peers, and that they're given more responsibility for their own safety.

They're not babied. Rather, the kids who stay indoors on a gadget are the ones who are babied and stunted. They're the ones whose parents have infantilized them.

A kid doesn't "deserve" a smartphone. What they deserve is a childhood. They deserve to be bored for long stretches and to have to make up their own games and stuff to do. They deserve the privacy of their own thoughts, and to not be tethered to a gadget that they can't put down. They deserve flesh-and-blood relationships, instead of jerky pixels and audio. They deserve a life, and not just an existence.

Re: I Won’t Buy My Teenagers Smartphones

#57

Post by FrankyHollywood »

gwbas1c wrote: post #26

Just curious: Any parents in this thread? When did you give your kids smartphones? We're at the point where we replace our phones every two years, and plan on letting our kids use the old ones. (Probably wifi-only, mostly to keep costs under control.)

My son is 10yo, we want to give him a phone when he reaches 12. It's becoming a bit more difficult, a lot of friends already have one so he keeps asking but he just has to wait :)

I'm not to worried about social isolation. This will vary from person to person. The article mentions all the fun things the writer did when she was a teenager. However, when I was young some kids were addicted to gaming on there 486 or 8bit NES, never met any friends. The tone of the article is a bit 'in the old days everything was better'

Not having a phone will cause some isolation as well. A lot of meetups with friends are announced on app-groups. That was actually the moment when I decided to buy a smartphone myself, when I started missing out on parties.

Re: I Won’t Buy My Teenagers Smartphones

#58

Post by opportune »

I would put this on par with being an anti-vaxxer. Not only are the kids not allowed smartphones but their internet access is apparently strictly monitored well into their teens. Good way to get your kids to hate you as soon as they move our.

The author is just longing for an era that’s gone. It’s funny she mentions hanging out under bridges, drinking, and dating while also probably never letting her kids get anywhere close to a situation where that is possible. And won’t let her kids make mistakes even regarding food, and complains about kids these days not wanting to drive. You would think this is some kind of satire making fun of boomers (even though the author is technically not one)

This is, in my opinion, a terrible parenting style. Smartphones are a part of life these days. You wouldn’t have your kids ride a horse drawn carriage wearing handmade blouses to school, and bemoan the fact they won’t play outside with a hoop and a stick, just because that’s the way it was when you grew up

Re: I Won’t Buy My Teenagers Smartphones

#59

Post by cube2222 »

kome wrote: post #41
ergothus wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think your take is valid, but also missing large areas. Even if they AREN'T bullied for lack, they'll miss out on all the socialization. When I was a teen people talked on the phone, they hung out at the mall. I barely did. When not at school, I stayed at home to care for my younger brother and make sure dinner was made (child of a working single mom). I went out of state to my dad's place every summer, so I never…

yeah, but let's not mix too many things together. you can have a smartphone (I don't) and be very miserable and lonely (i’m not). I bet that's even the daily experience of a lot teenagers. A smartphone may help to get in contact with people, but it's not a necessity by a far stretch. Again: a (sometimes painful) emotional and social education is what teenagers need. Soft skills are hard to learn.

Being a student, it really quite is a necessity.

Group chats on Facebook / WhatsApp / Telegram are how people share experiences, learn, set up meetings or parties. All the people which I've met so far who didn't use those platforms were socially isolated. Not sure whether it's correlation or causation, it still does count.

Obviously, having a smartphone won't magically bring you friends.

Re: I Won’t Buy My Teenagers Smartphones

#60

Post by icebraining »

tjansen wrote: post #14
danso wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As someone who grew up with a computer in the household in the 80s, I don't think the two situations are comparable. For one, a computer back then (and even today) is much less geared toward consumption (versus creation) than phones are. Second, being able to carry a phone with you and use it all day makes it a fundamentally different influence.

Not sure where you grew up, but where I grew up most kids spent at least 95% of their computer time playing games.

Same. Either gaming or on mIRC, flirting. Very few created anything or even knew more than the basics about computers.
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