Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

I Won’t Buy My Teenagers Smartphones

theatlantic.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

41–50 of 114 posts

Re: I Won’t Buy My Teenagers Smartphones

#41

Post by kome »

ergothus wrote: post #21
y4mi wrote: post #7

This is clearly written by an adult who forgot how most children behave. If they're the only ones without a smartphone, they'll be single out. Especially with how prevalent online communication has become. They might not be bullied (though they probably will be), but growing up as the outsider comes with is own can of worms. They'll most likely survive it, but it'll have it's effect... But everything has consequences…

I think your take is valid, but also missing large areas. Even if they AREN'T bullied for lack, they'll miss out on all the socialization. When I was a teen people talked on the phone, they hung out at the mall. I barely did. When not at school, I stayed at home to care for my younger brother and make sure dinner was made (child of a working single mom). I went out of state to my dad's place every summer, so I never…

yeah, but let's not mix too many things together.

you can have a smartphone (I don't) and be very miserable and lonely (i’m not). I bet that's even the daily experience of a lot teenagers.

A smartphone may help to get in contact with people, but it's not a necessity by a far stretch.

Again: a (sometimes painful) emotional and social education is what teenagers need. Soft skills are hard to learn.

Re: I Won’t Buy My Teenagers Smartphones

#43

Post by danso »

tjansen wrote: post #14
danso wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As someone who grew up with a computer in the household in the 80s, I don't think the two situations are comparable. For one, a computer back then (and even today) is much less geared toward consumption (versus creation) than phones are. Second, being able to carry a phone with you and use it all day makes it a fundamentally different influence.

Not sure where you grew up, but where I grew up most kids spent at least 95% of their computer time playing games.

Yeah I played a lot of games too, but it was still a machine that was geared toward you doing work – even when playing games (besides qbasic, configuring .bat and .ini files were my first foray into hacking and programming). And reading USENET was not as addictive or as mind-dulling as infinitely scrolling on Instagram and Facebook

Re: I Won’t Buy My Teenagers Smartphones

#45

Post by vivekd »

y4mi wrote: post #7

This is clearly written by an adult who forgot how most children behave. If they're the only ones without a smartphone, they'll be single out. Especially with how prevalent online communication has become. They might not be bullied (though they probably will be), but growing up as the outsider comes with is own can of worms. They'll most likely survive it, but it'll have it's effect... But everything has consequences…

My mother was a teaching assistant at a small private school. There was one girl there whose parents wouldn't let her have her smart phone and she was the only one with no phine. So a group of girls ran a fundraising drive to get her a smart phone - until the parents got wind of it and had the principal put a stop yo it. The story shows that this girl was popular and well liked by her friends.

She actually had cool projects like she would sew small squares od cotton and sell it to other girls as doll pillows. So I understand that a private school is an exclusive environment where there might be less bullying. However, I disagree that being bullied for not having something is a foregone conclusion and. I strongly disagree with the premise that we should buy or give children things that might affect them negatively due ti the possibility of being bullied

Re: I Won’t Buy My Teenagers Smartphones

#46

Post by non-entity »

jonstokes wrote: post #34

I think it's amazing that on a site that's supposedly filled with tech geeks, so few commenters seem to know the difference between spending time alone in your room in front a non-networked PC learning to code, and being glued to a networked smartphone no matter where you are, taking in a feed and waiting for the dopamine hit from a "like" or a share. Anyway, the public-spirited side of me sees responses like the one…

> My three kids will have attention spans and social skills, and will out-compete the smartphone-addicted children of these fools in every arena of adult life.

until, you know, they decide to buy a smartphone as an adult, and over consume then

Re: I Won’t Buy My Teenagers Smartphones

#47

Post by xzel »

y4mi wrote: post #7

This is clearly written by an adult who forgot how most children behave. If they're the only ones without a smartphone, they'll be single out. Especially with how prevalent online communication has become. They might not be bullied (though they probably will be), but growing up as the outsider comes with is own can of worms. They'll most likely survive it, but it'll have it's effect... But everything has consequences…

This very much so (although I didn't experience any bullying but I'd assume there would be some jokes now a days because phones do so much more). I didn't get a cell phone until maybe 10th or 11th grade while most of the other kids had Blackberries or shitty flip phones. I missed out a lot of socialization via text and bbm at the time, probably 7th grade. I didn't really care at the time but once I was older I realized how big a deal it was.

Re: I Won’t Buy My Teenagers Smartphones

#48

Post by ksdale »

ergothus wrote: post #21
y4mi wrote: post #7

This is clearly written by an adult who forgot how most children behave. If they're the only ones without a smartphone, they'll be single out. Especially with how prevalent online communication has become. They might not be bullied (though they probably will be), but growing up as the outsider comes with is own can of worms. They'll most likely survive it, but it'll have it's effect... But everything has consequences…

I think your take is valid, but also missing large areas. Even if they AREN'T bullied for lack, they'll miss out on all the socialization. When I was a teen people talked on the phone, they hung out at the mall. I barely did. When not at school, I stayed at home to care for my younger brother and make sure dinner was made (child of a working single mom). I went out of state to my dad's place every summer, so I never…

Counterpoint, I had all the socialization I could possibly want growing up, and as an adult I had to unlearn a lot of social behaviors that I had learned when I was surrounded exclusively by my peers.

I personally think that socialization is often meant as "acting like the popular kids act" (though it doesn't sound like you're using it that way) and as my kids grow up, I am regularly shocked at how crappy kids are to each other. When I was a kid, I thought all the homeschooled kids I knew were weird, but they just acted like the adults in their lives, and without exception, they all turned into well-functioning adults.

Despite my negative take on socialization, though, we are also very liberal with technology. We just have high standards for their behavior, and don't think that following trends is good for it's own sake.

Re: I Won’t Buy My Teenagers Smartphones

#49

Post by notacoward »

docker_up wrote: post #11

My friend recently got his sons a smartphone and he says their relationship has been irrevocably damaged because of it. Not because they are rude, etc. But when they used to talk, now it's complete silence and them looking at their phones, chatting with their friends or girlfriends. He hates the phones now because there is no socialization whatsoever with his kids. The power of the phone is that strong, and he had su…

Like others who have replied, I'm skeptical that it's really about the phones. The age when kids get phones just happens to be about the same age when they start to separate from their parents and have always done so. Some people maintain a strong connection during that time and some don't. 'Twere ever thus.

Personally, I'm fortunate that I've maintained a pretty strong connection with my 15yo daughter. A large part of that is that I'm comfortable communicating with her the same way her other friends do, not only the physical medium of the phone but also the cultural medium of memes and slang and pop culture. I can still play Authority Figure when I need to, but there's a lot less friction involved when I'm also part of her daily social context and not The Alien who requires a unique mode of communication.

Re: I Won’t Buy My Teenagers Smartphones

#50

Post by jojolatulipe »

docker_up wrote: post #11

My friend recently got his sons a smartphone and he says their relationship has been irrevocably damaged because of it. Not because they are rude, etc. But when they used to talk, now it's complete silence and them looking at their phones, chatting with their friends or girlfriends. He hates the phones now because there is no socialization whatsoever with his kids. The power of the phone is that strong, and he had su…

I think as a parent you can still compromise and set limits/rules on the usage of the smartphone(s) at home. There is time to talk to friends (before smartphones, it was MSN messenger or else), and there is time to spend as a family where phones are not allowed. The same thing is also kinda true for school.
Post reply on HN