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It's later than you think

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Re: It's later than you think

#21

Post by sailfast »

codebeaker wrote: post #5

I took a step back in my career to work from home, and bring my kids to the kindergarten with my bike some days, and take a late lunch and eat their "dinner" with them, and it has been totally, totally worth-it. Remote work being a set-back is possibly a side-effect of how I selected my new gig, but it has suited me so well, I don't care about the (temporary) career stagnation. Beautiful story, I felt it hard.

Similar story. Made a decision to set aside career path in favor of remote work, flexibility and autonomy (I have young kids) for this exact reason. I will never get this time back. I want as much of it as possible to be ours. These stories bring it home.

This post was both heartbreaking, heartwarming, and very emotional to read. Thank you to the author for sharing your story.

Re: It's later than you think

#22

Post by noja »

wastedhours wrote: post #20
ElijahLynn wrote: post #15

Very touching, I shed a few tears on this part. "I’m guessing you have 1:1 meetings on the books with a lot of people you work with. Do you have them regularly scheduled with your kids?" I am totally doing this, but more like 1:1 days.

Definitely, make sure there's just "time". Everyone I've spoken to who has a real quality relationship with their kids has reiterated quantity is better than "quality". Don't fall into the trap of thinking that making it to the odd piano recital is the same as being there every day for dinner. As the piece sadly reminds us, that calendar invite might be scheduled too late.

Yeah this "quality time" trope is often just a justification for not being there very often.

Re: It's later than you think

#23

Post by [deleted] »

purephase wrote: post #8
codebeaker wrote: post #5

I took a step back in my career to work from home, and bring my kids to the kindergarten with my bike some days, and take a late lunch and eat their "dinner" with them, and it has been totally, totally worth-it. Remote work being a set-back is possibly a side-effect of how I selected my new gig, but it has suited me so well, I don't care about the (temporary) career stagnation. Beautiful story, I felt it hard.

Same here. I think the work-life balance that remote work provides is understated in our society. I get to be far more involved in my kids day-to-day, I know their teachers, friends, and generally what's happening in their lives. I think of the alternative (what I grew up with, and what a lot of my friends with kids are still doing) and it's sad. Barring the awful circumstances of the article (my heart goes out to th…

[deleted]

Re: It's later than you think

#24

Post by latortuga »

SketchySeaBeast wrote: post #13
badloginagain wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I could read things like that when I had no kids.

I can't imagine. I don't have kids and the horror and grief is tangible.

I can feel the panic that the author describes as he runs out of the office. I can feel it in my chest. Before kids this would have been a story to read. With them, reading this is me falling apart at my desk.

Re: It's later than you think

#25

Post by CalRobert »

Remember that performative workaholism is poison to life. Every time you put in more hours over the weekend "just because", dial in to a meeting on your vacation, or get on Slack at 10 PM "just to check a few things" - you're shifting the culture to make it that much more acceptable to demand it of everyone. The parents in your meetings that run until 7:30 bitterly hate you.

It might seem OK when you're single, childless, etc. but once that time starts coming from your family you will realize what a prison you've built yourself.

STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

Re: It's later than you think

#28

Post by wtvanhest »

IMO, the best PG essay says the same thing differently http://www.paulgraham.com/vb.html.

It has had a profound impact on how I think about everything, but especially the time I spend with our now 1 year old.

I'd recomend everyone read it, and internalize that you only get 52 weekends in a year. You also only get a handful of each holiday with your kids. His words are better than mine, and I encourage everyone to take the 2 minutes needed to read the essay, then implement a life strategy that gets you home with your family more.

Re: It's later than you think

#29

Post by adossi »

CalRobert wrote: post #25

Remember that performative workaholism is poison to life. Every time you put in more hours over the weekend "just because", dial in to a meeting on your vacation, or get on Slack at 10 PM "just to check a few things" - you're shifting the culture to make it that much more acceptable to demand it of everyone. The parents in your meetings that run until 7:30 bitterly hate you. It might seem OK when you're single, child…

I agree if you're talking strictly about salaried employees, because you don't get paid for that overtime work. But as a contract developer if I want to work 60 hours each week, instead of 40, to earn an extra 50% when I invoice them at the end of the month, that is my prerogative.

Re: It's later than you think

#30

Post by edmundsauto »

CalRobert wrote: post #25

Remember that performative workaholism is poison to life. Every time you put in more hours over the weekend "just because", dial in to a meeting on your vacation, or get on Slack at 10 PM "just to check a few things" - you're shifting the culture to make it that much more acceptable to demand it of everyone. The parents in your meetings that run until 7:30 bitterly hate you. It might seem OK when you're single, child…

This also applies to new technologies and skill gaps. I'm over 30, and have stopped following the latest javascript trends. I want younger people to be satisfied with the tools that I learned; they're perfectly adequate.

The treadmill of re-inventing the technology wheel also looks like a prison.

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