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How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

parenting.nytimes.com

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Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#251

Post by Steel_Phoenix »

agent008t wrote: post #132

So, reading this thread is making me really not want to have children. Seems like one would have to be completely insane to voluntarily sign up for that. People that have children. Do you think it was honestly a good idea in retrospect, and if so, why? If your wife had been on the fence about having children, would you have preferred to go child-free, in retrospect?

I was skeptical, but I'm happy with the decision. I can't cite anything for this, but I swear it rewrites your mind and body to be a more perfect parent. My own theory is that there are some kind of pheromones in baby breath that trigger something. If you have kids and spend a lot of time with them, you will be near certain to be glad you did. The biggest physical change I noticed besides some short term weight gain was a drastic improvement in my reflexes. I was happy without kids. I think what convinced me in the end to have kids is that my wife and I don't have a lot of friends or younger family members around. If I still wanted to have a family when I get older I'm going to need to make some.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#252

Post by dgacmu »

agent008t wrote: post #132

So, reading this thread is making me really not want to have children. Seems like one would have to be completely insane to voluntarily sign up for that. People that have children. Do you think it was honestly a good idea in retrospect, and if so, why? If your wife had been on the fence about having children, would you have preferred to go child-free, in retrospect?

The book "all joy and no fun" sums things up better than I can in an HN post. Well worth a read.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#253

Post by balfirevic »

jawilson2 wrote: post #158
agent008t wrote: post #132

So, reading this thread is making me really not want to have children. Seems like one would have to be completely insane to voluntarily sign up for that. People that have children. Do you think it was honestly a good idea in retrospect, and if so, why? If your wife had been on the fence about having children, would you have preferred to go child-free, in retrospect?

Having kids is incredible. My youngest is 6 (others are 8 and 10), and sleeps 10-11 hours now. They are already hilarious little people, and not having them in my life would be empty and unbearable. Re: "completely insane to voluntarily sign up for that" I hear the same thing here often about joining or running a startup and putting in 100+ hours per week. The only reason I regret having kids is because of the planet…

> Re: "completely insane to voluntarily sign up for that" I hear the same thing here often about joining or running a startup and putting in 100+ hours per week.

Crucial difference is that you can (ethically) quit the startup if you decide it isn't worth it.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#254

Post by koolba »

MikeTheGreat wrote: post #248
koolba wrote: post #171

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> When our 9 month old started to sleep through the night (at around 4-5 months), we'd get between 5-6 hours of sleep, which after the interrupted sleep of the previous 4 months, felt like a full night's sleep but this is sleep deprivation territory, specially given the fact that it was 7 days a week. Assuming you have the space for it, I never understood couples that insist on both parents being woken up every night…

Hey, just as a friendly heads-up: If you're ever talking with friends who have kids (particularly young kids)(particularly newborns like you're talking about here) you might do better by phrasing this as a question instead of a fact. ("Hey, assuming you have the space for it, why not trade off nightly?") Nicest response you'll get from what you said is a polite nod and then they change the topic, the most useful woul…

Bah! A life of parsing words and walking on eggshells is no fun. Speak your mind and give people the benefit of the doubt. In my experience they appreciate it.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#255

Post by belorn »

sweeneyrod wrote: post #208
belorn wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I always view articles skeptically when they talk about testosterone as effecting behavior. Most modern studies tend to conclude that testosterone levels changes after changed behavior rather than before, and artificially lowering or increasing testosterone within human levels does not usually have any measurable effect on behavior. For example, the article stated that there is a correlation between lower testosteron…

It's possible (and indeed seems very likely) that testosterone and behaviour both affect each other.

Indeed testosterone and behavior both affect each other. I have however several reasons why I am skeptical when people focus exclusively on testosterone as effecting behavior.

One larger reason, as given by a professor in neuroendocrinology, is that people and researchers alike tend to view behavior as soft science and hormones as hard science. There has been (and still are) a lot of resistance to the idea that behavior alone can cause biological changes in the body.

The second reason is that again and again, when people try to test a correlation between a hormone and behavior by supraphysiological doses, the predicted behavior does not occur.

The third reason is that the general role of sex hormones is to regulate the body in favor of reproductive success. The generally accepted theory to explain why testosterone goes up by having voted on the winning team, or by winning a competition, or by winning a physical fight, is that the individual perceive themselves as having gained social rank and thus the body adjust testosterone levels accordingly. Any behavior that does not have a clear link to reproductive success is unlikely to be regulated by a sex hormone.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#256

Post by shadowtree »

legooolas wrote: post #172
paultopia wrote: post #123

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was wondering this too. Every new parent seems to report that they basically don't sleep for a year or two. That has got to account for a lot of the biological changes in parenthood. (Honestly, I'd really want to know about likelihood of dying in a car accident or other heavy machinery sleep-deprivation-induced-screwup.)

> Every new parent seems to report that they basically don't sleep for a year or two I'm a new parent, and I'm pleased to say that our 5-week-old is sleeping really, really well. I was not expecting this after all the horror stories others told... I did, however, feel like I aged about 10 years in the first week as my other half had an emergency C-section and I had to do everything for both her and the baby. Nothing…

Sleep patterns will change drastically for years to come, don't worry. A 5 week old is very different than a 18 months old.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#257

Post by drewg123 »

leonroy wrote: post #234
rdtwo wrote: post #233

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Honestly idk how it’s possible to afford the extra hour and a half for gym 3 days a week as a dad with a toddler

Honestly, you won’t. But until your kid is in full time school a 20-30 minute workout even everyday is eminently doable. Run around the local park, pull ups on a bar in the door way, press-ups, lots of exercises you can do to stave off muscular and skeletal atrophy which is what most of us at desk jobs literally suffer from due to chronic inactivity.

I totally agree. I had an elliptical machine in a nook outside my home office that I walked by every day. I wish I'd have just given up 30 minutes a few times a week rather than eating a bowl of ice cream. Maybe I would have only gained 20lbs and not 60.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#258

Post by shadowtree »

rconti wrote: post #224
outside1234 wrote: post #217

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You need to be passionate about it. If you are on the fence, in my opinion, go child free. It's better for the environment (the mountain of plastic and CO2 that having kids causes is astounding) and there are plenty of people in the world that are passionate about having kids.

Thanks for the opinion. I feel the same way as the parent poster - this thread is fairly horrifying, particularly as someone who has spent the past couple of years on personal growth, particularly improving my fitness and sleep. Always been on the fence, keep hoping I want to have kids some day, because I sure don't want to go into it with a negative attitude. I don't want to "miss out" and regret having lived a chil…

Remember that despite all the self-improvements, you will die.

Having kids gives you a chance in making a more significant impression than just exist and disappear.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#259

Post by tlear »

rdtwo wrote: post #231
tlear wrote: post #176

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is the martyrdom story that is dumb. There are two of you there is absolutely zero reason for both not to have decent sleep. First couple weeks sure after that.. get a second bed, couch whatever. Separation of concern works way better one takes care of the kids other takes care of $$.

Seems easy when you aren’t living it. Maybe one day you will find out that things aren’t so simple

I have 2 kids.. first one was terrible, she did not want to sleep more then 2-3 hours till she was 8 month or so. Wife dealt with it, fed her and took care of her at night, while I worked, cooked during the day, took kid out for walks etc

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#260

Post by dual_basis »

agent008t wrote: post #132

So, reading this thread is making me really not want to have children. Seems like one would have to be completely insane to voluntarily sign up for that. People that have children. Do you think it was honestly a good idea in retrospect, and if so, why? If your wife had been on the fence about having children, would you have preferred to go child-free, in retrospect?

For me, having children was the worst decision I ever made. Since you've already identified the negatives (described in the article) I don't think I have to explain why I feel this way. If I could go back in time and tell my younger self one thing it would absolutely be "do not have children".
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