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How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

parenting.nytimes.com

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Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#241

Post by jriot »

Japhy_Ryder wrote: post #228
anonu wrote: post #161

I am 14 months into kid #1. I've observed friends and family who are well into kid #2. My thought process was that going from 1 to 2 was going to follow some sort of logarithmic increase in complexity - but I am now convinced that the change is exponential. With 1, you can split the work. With 2, the dad will probably be focused on the older kid and the mom on the younger kid. Thus, there is less help to go around. M…

> logarithmic increase in complexity - but I am now convinced that the change is exponential. Good god. Is everything a math problem for you people? It's called 'figuring life out'. Sometimes there's not a 'logarithmic increase in complexity'. You just wing it. And you figure it out.

If we did that, 90% of HN articles wouldn't exist.

Though I am glad someone has similar thoughts as me!

~ Cheers

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#242

Post by isodude »

agent008t wrote: post #132

So, reading this thread is making me really not want to have children. Seems like one would have to be completely insane to voluntarily sign up for that. People that have children. Do you think it was honestly a good idea in retrospect, and if so, why? If your wife had been on the fence about having children, would you have preferred to go child-free, in retrospect?

I get people who don't do it. I can't imagine a life not having kids around.

If your scared how it will affect your life, maybe it isn't for you. It's not how kids work, you make it work, period. Either you do it or you don't. Whether it's a good idea is very irrelevant.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#243

Post by isodude »

peteridah wrote: post #115

This has been a very useful thread.I have struggled with weight for many years. I have sufficient motivation to exercise and I am normally able to keep a disciplined schedule. But with our 2yr old daughter, sleeplessness has kind of messed me up and I struggle to keep any form of discipline now. It's hard. I am just glad to know that I am far from the only one :)

Have you looked at city joggers? I see people running around with those all the time here. Kids love the speed :)

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#244

Post by isodude »

anonu wrote: post #161

I am 14 months into kid #1. I've observed friends and family who are well into kid #2. My thought process was that going from 1 to 2 was going to follow some sort of logarithmic increase in complexity - but I am now convinced that the change is exponential. With 1, you can split the work. With 2, the dad will probably be focused on the older kid and the mom on the younger kid. Thus, there is less help to go around. M…

The more kids the better. They tend to take care of each other with the right age combinations.

More kids with problems equals full time job though.

Somedays things just work out. Sometime they just don't.

You can't assume it will be easier but some days it will.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#245

Post by themoat »

philwelch wrote: post #229
koolba wrote: post #171

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> When our 9 month old started to sleep through the night (at around 4-5 months), we'd get between 5-6 hours of sleep, which after the interrupted sleep of the previous 4 months, felt like a full night's sleep but this is sleep deprivation territory, specially given the fact that it was 7 days a week. Assuming you have the space for it, I never understood couples that insist on both parents being woken up every night…

I don’t have kids but my wife and I have discussed having an explicit shift rotation where one of us stays home with the baby during the day while the other works, sleeps in the early evening when the working parent gets home, and gets up at night when the working parent goes to bed. I always wonder if it would actually work.

My wife and I did that for 2 years. It works, but like everything, there are trade offs.

It's great that you know your child is being raised by you and your partner. You aren't offloading the child to a babysitter and trusting daycare to raise them with your principles or just to your level of care.

The downside is crossing paths with your spouse in a 5 minute handoff. Rushed dinners to cram in as much adult interaction as you can before you do bedtime or rush to work. There are times when you meet up at a McDonalds to eat and trade cars.

I don't think we would have done it differently, but there were definitely periods of loneliness that both of us felt.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#246

Post by Japhy_Ryder »

KaiserPro wrote: post #205
nradov wrote: post #177

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It seems unlikely that a child could scream loud enough to cause significant hearing loss.

Babies can scream at 120db. (supposedly 130, but I find that hard to believe) not only that its at about 3.5khz. now look at this graph: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equal-loudness_contour Right in the loudness contour. children, less so, babies yes. number two is nowhere near as loud or as prone to screaming

> Babies can scream at 120db. (supposedly 130, but I find that hard to believe)

That sounds absolutely terrible. I am not looking forward to having a kid. :-(

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#247

Post by fyfy18 »

agent008t wrote: post #132

So, reading this thread is making me really not want to have children. Seems like one would have to be completely insane to voluntarily sign up for that. People that have children. Do you think it was honestly a good idea in retrospect, and if so, why? If your wife had been on the fence about having children, would you have preferred to go child-free, in retrospect?

My daughter is two and a half months old, and it's nowhere near as difficult as some people make out. My wife is currently studying, so is taking a year off to look after her. Plus I work from home, so can help out now and then.

In terms of sleep she usually sleeps from midnight until 4-5 when she will wake up to be fed, but often I don't even wake up now (yes, she is in the same room).

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#248

Post by MikeTheGreat »

koolba wrote: post #171
reallydontask wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Annedoctally as a recent father of a 6 month old, I would likely self report a good sleep quality in a questionnaire. However, objectively I know I sleep about 5 hours 30min yesterday evening, which would be sufficient sleep 'deprivation' to impact T production. When our 9 month old started to sleep through the night (at around 4-5 months), we'd get between 5-6 hours of sleep, which after the interrupted sleep of t…

> When our 9 month old started to sleep through the night (at around 4-5 months), we'd get between 5-6 hours of sleep, which after the interrupted sleep of the previous 4 months, felt like a full night's sleep but this is sleep deprivation territory, specially given the fact that it was 7 days a week. Assuming you have the space for it, I never understood couples that insist on both parents being woken up every night…

Hey, just as a friendly heads-up:

If you're ever talking with friends who have kids (particularly young kids)(particularly newborns like you're talking about here) you might do better by phrasing this as a question instead of a fact. ("Hey, assuming you have the space for it, why not trade off nightly?")

Nicest response you'll get from what you said is a polite nod and then they change the topic, the most useful would be a polite but pointed jest about how you obviously don't have kids, and at worst you'll do lasting damage to a friendship.

Trust me, nobody who's getting this little sleep wants to be told how to do it better (unless they've asked you, specifically, for your advice on this,specifically) :)

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#249

Post by roland35 »

cpayne624 wrote: post #185
seidleroni wrote: post #142

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a dad myself (2.5 yr old and an almost 1 year old), the negatives do not seem to be exaggerated at all. Going to work as a software engineer is the easiest part of my day, by far. What is not always mentioned are the wonderful parts of it, which is hard to describe. Scott Hanselman wrote something where he said that having kids is 49% awful and 51% amazing, and that 1% makes all the difference, and it really hits…

Atwood? https://blog.codinghorror.com/on-parenthood/ > every week it gets a tiny bit easier This has been my experience, too. I take comfort in it (got a 5 and a 3 y/o)

It does get easier as they get more independent, I have slowly clawed back time for sleep, now slowly getting time to exercise again, soon again I will have time for some hobbies again! I do hope to have some shared hobbies with my boys though!

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#250

Post by throwaway97533 »

auiya wrote: post #210
agent008t wrote: post #132

So, reading this thread is making me really not want to have children. Seems like one would have to be completely insane to voluntarily sign up for that. People that have children. Do you think it was honestly a good idea in retrospect, and if so, why? If your wife had been on the fence about having children, would you have preferred to go child-free, in retrospect?

People have a hard time admitting in retrospect they wished they didn't have kids because of biological bonding. My life would have INFINITELY less responsibilities and much more money had I not had a child. Are those things worth trading in retrospect? I don't know the answer to that because the toothpaste is already out of the tube. I'm currently middle aged, but if given the opportunity to go back in time and choo…

What would have happened to me if I hadn't become a father? Would I have been financially a lot better off without kids to pay for, free to do whatever I want, had a lot time to myself? Maybe. On the other hand, I might not be here.

Having kids was the best reason not to commit suicide I've ever had.

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