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How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

parenting.nytimes.com

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Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#161

Post by anonu »

I am 14 months into kid #1. I've observed friends and family who are well into kid #2.

My thought process was that going from 1 to 2 was going to follow some sort of logarithmic increase in complexity - but I am now convinced that the change is exponential.

With 1, you can split the work. With 2, the dad will probably be focused on the older kid and the mom on the younger kid. Thus, there is less help to go around.

Maybe at #3 there is some sort of loop-back effect where the older kid can help out with the younger siblings?

Anyone with more experience care to opine?

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#162

Post by nradov »

reallydontask wrote: post #50
DoingIsLearning wrote: post #42

Looking into the T drop in fatherhood, the original study seems to account for self reports of 'sleep quality' but I wonder if sleep deprivation is not still a confounder in this finding. Annedoctally as a recent father of a 6 month old, I would likely self report a good sleep quality in a questionnaire. However, objectively I know I sleep about 5 hours 30min yesterday evening, which would be sufficient sleep 'depriv…

> Annedoctally as a recent father of a 6 month old, I would likely self report a good sleep quality in a questionnaire. However, objectively I know I sleep about 5 hours 30min yesterday evening, which would be sufficient sleep 'deprivation' to impact T production. When our 9 month old started to sleep through the night (at around 4-5 months), we'd get between 5-6 hours of sleep, which after the interrupted sleep of t…

Lack of exercise doesn't necessarily make it easier to survive sleep deprivation. It would be rather the opposite for most people since some moderate exercise tends to improve the quality of the limited sleep that you do get.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#163

Post by Broken_Hippo »

johnwheeler wrote: post #143
happytoexplain wrote: post #141

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Really? To me, that seems as obvious a majority thought as the more general "women are more child-oriented than men".

I didn’t lactate and therefore I’m not as psyched to be a dad? I’ve never seen (nor felt) any such phenomenon.

I'm female and have never wanted children. I never want to be pregnant. I'm 41, and have no children.

But I have had folks try to make me feel like I*m doing something wrong for not wanting children - both men and women. Apprently, that's what I'm supposed to want.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#164

Post by martythemaniak »

agent008t wrote: post #132

So, reading this thread is making me really not want to have children. Seems like one would have to be completely insane to voluntarily sign up for that. People that have children. Do you think it was honestly a good idea in retrospect, and if so, why? If your wife had been on the fence about having children, would you have preferred to go child-free, in retrospect?

Imagine if you just read about the negatives of Ivy-League schools - the insane admissions process, the cost, the pressures, the depression, the sleep deprivation, the drug abuse, the suicides, etc. You'd think people must be crazy to go there, yet when you weight it against the benefits, it turns out that basically anyone that can go there, should go there.

I think parenting, like school, is also a very high-effort, high-reward activity. Maybe while the negatives are easy to understand, the rewards are not so easily understood. "Give life to your offspring" just doesn't have the same ring as "make a ton of money" or "become the ruling class".

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#165

Post by hising »

anonu wrote: post #161

I am 14 months into kid #1. I've observed friends and family who are well into kid #2. My thought process was that going from 1 to 2 was going to follow some sort of logarithmic increase in complexity - but I am now convinced that the change is exponential. With 1, you can split the work. With 2, the dad will probably be focused on the older kid and the mom on the younger kid. Thus, there is less help to go around. M…

I have three, they live with me every other week, since I have had kids for 13 years now it is hard to imagine how it was without them, how it was with only one or two of them. My oldest two helps taking care of my younger one sometimes. I also tend to let the younger one do more stuff earlier on than I let the other two do. On top of that, it is more or less impossible to fill 5 days with 8 hours work the weeks the kids are at my place, but age solves that, they can stay a bit longer at daycare, when they get to 8-9 they can walk home by themselves etc. Life is complex at times, but most of the time it is quite awesome. Weeks when I don't have the kids tend to be work and trying to get enough sleep to have the energy needed for a 100% week with my kids. Even if I dont do 8 hours every day the weeks I have the kids, I'd say it is more or less 100% responsibility from 6:30 AM to 11 PM.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#166

Post by gwbas1c »

agent008t wrote: post #132

So, reading this thread is making me really not want to have children. Seems like one would have to be completely insane to voluntarily sign up for that. People that have children. Do you think it was honestly a good idea in retrospect, and if so, why? If your wife had been on the fence about having children, would you have preferred to go child-free, in retrospect?

Yes, but I consider children fulfillment of instinctual needs. As I've seen my grandparents age and see how my extended family works, I just can't see myself childless.

If you don't want children, don't worry about it. Population increases exponentially.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#167

Post by nradov »

jkestner wrote: post #140
pricees wrote: post #20

I was hoping this would explain my weight gain but I suppose I have to accept that replacing daily workouts with 3 bowls of ice cream and magic shell may be the culprit.

I'm in better shape than ever, and it’s thanks to free childcare at the YMCA. Getting a break from the children is the most motivation I've had to drag myself to the gym.

When children get a few years older you can also put them in YMCA swim lessons and use that time to exercise yourself.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#168

Post by gwbas1c »

lnsru wrote: post #49

After becoming father I experienced biggest weight loss ever. I went from 260 lbs to 200 lbs. During the months not being chained to a table with computer I was living healthy life. Lots of time outside with stroller or baby carrier, healthy food for baby and me. Few years later I am at 220 lbs again.

That happened with #1. Then #2 came, and the extra time getting both ready meant less time for walks, so I gained it all back!

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#169

Post by YinglingLight »

sundvor wrote: post #89
jbverschoor wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thank oh for being honest. There’s actually a topic on a different forum that is exactly about the taboo’ed negative things about parenting. People refuse to see/acknowledge this, esp. women.

Being a dad, whilst rewarding in its own rights, can also be hard AF. Throw in a diagnosis of ASD+ADHD with therapies etc that must be managed, and the pressures just sky rocketed. Managing his behaviour feels like an everlasting uphill battle. So much energy is drained, especially during meltdowns, causing frictions in the whole family. So in order to be able to look after him I also need to look after myself. Getti…

It's almost as if responsibility is what gives meaning to life.
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