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The Death of Social Reciprocity in the Era of Digital Distraction

blogs.scientificamerican.com

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Re: The Death of Social Reciprocity in the Era of Digital Distraction

#81

Post by word-reader »

hoorayimhelping wrote: post #34
aphextim wrote: post #3

One thing I try to always do is smile and/or wave at babies/young children if they make eye contact with you. In a world where there is a lot of negativity being broadcast on the news 24/7 and click bait headlines, it is good to instill a sense of happiness in the youth of today by being friendly. Walking places a lot of people are distracted by their phones and hardly make eye contact anymore of if they do they make…

Something I've been making an effort to do more is to try to have a softer look on my face when I'm in public. I tend to be pretty intense looking, especially when I'm thinking hard, which I usually am when I'm walking or standing in line. I've noticed that consciously thinking about something that makes me very happy, or something I find funny, will make that happy emotion show on my face. When I project happy into…

When I moved to NYC, I was used to walking around with a pleasant and welcoming face, "without armor" as you say. Unfortunately, this caused me to be accosted multiple times a day by beggars, scammers, or just crazy people. After a few months, I developed the mild scowl and cold attitude required to keep them away.

Re: The Death of Social Reciprocity in the Era of Digital Distraction

#83

Post by ncr100 »

word-reader wrote: post #81
hoorayimhelping wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Something I've been making an effort to do more is to try to have a softer look on my face when I'm in public. I tend to be pretty intense looking, especially when I'm thinking hard, which I usually am when I'm walking or standing in line. I've noticed that consciously thinking about something that makes me very happy, or something I find funny, will make that happy emotion show on my face. When I project happy into…

When I moved to NYC, I was used to walking around with a pleasant and welcoming face, "without armor" as you say. Unfortunately, this caused me to be accosted multiple times a day by beggars, scammers, or just crazy people. After a few months, I developed the mild scowl and cold attitude required to keep them away.

Dense cities are a "product" ripe for disruption - great stimulation opportunities but simultaneously an unhealthy environment for humans.

Consider: Containerized city. 0-population cities where rapid transit brings people in during active-hours only? Walkable areas being vehicles themselves, forceably removing people after N-hours and dumping them in to less-dense habitation areas?

Re: The Death of Social Reciprocity in the Era of Digital Distraction

#84

Post by switch007 »

univalent wrote: post #78
AnimalMuppet wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> You, and only you should be in charge of when you use your phone. Life happens. Your wife falls and breaks her wrist. Your mom has a heart attack. They want you now , not when you deign to look at your communications. And until you do look, you won't know if it's that she broke her wrist or that she had a heart attack. If you are disconnected enough from other people that nobody has a valid demand on your attention…

iOS has a feature where you can setup certain contacts to override your 'do not disturb' settings. Check that out.

While that is certainly useful, what about local hospitals, police departments, when someone borrows someone else's phone you call you etc.

IIRC iOS also has a feature which allows through someone who rings multiple times in quick-ish succession?

Re: The Death of Social Reciprocity in the Era of Digital Distraction

#85

Post by ipython »

The problem is, social reciprocity is /expensive/ ... and like anything else expensive, it's been eliminated in today's society.

Say what you want about Wal-Mart, but Sam Walton wanted his stores to have a more 'neighborhood' feel, so he employed greeters to stand at the front of the store to say hello to shoppers as they entered. A small gesture, but eliminated in the name of 'cost savings'.

For most businesses these days, labor is one of your largest - if not your largest - direct cost. So it is a natural target when thinking how to increase profitability.

That's just talking about direct $$ cost... I think this article also touches on the fact that 'expensive' is also measured in attention. It's a lot easier to get a dopamine hit by checking your phone rather than a spontaneous interaction with another human being. You know what that little badge on the phone means, the outcome from a random conversation with another human ... is a little less certain.

Re: The Death of Social Reciprocity in the Era of Digital Distraction

#86

Post by ipython »

ksdale wrote: post #77
Bodell wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is definitely something I had to work on a lot (and am still working on) as I've gotten older. Some time After 25 it became apparent to me that I was leaving the house with full armor on. This was getting in the way of my being apart of the world and making me into more of a passive observer than active participant. Now, I think it is much better to leave with the defenses down. Which means a "softer face" for s…

I agree 100%. After purchasing a home and joining the local neighborhood social media scene, it's unreal how suspicious people are of the people and cars in the neighborhood (even ones that belong to residents!). We live in as safe of a neighborhood as you possibly could, and people are still paranoid. People lament a loss of community and then without irony, get on FB and worry that every unfamiliar vehicle passing…

What's really interesting here is that if people actually demonstrated a little social reciprocity by saying 'hello' to each other, they'd realize that security and having a neighborhood feel aren't mutually exclusive.

Think about it - as a potential burglar, which is a more attractive target? A neighborhood where everyone silently ignores you or one where people notice you, make eye contact, wave, and say hello?

tl;dr: Saying 'hello' is a just as effective defensive strategy as it is being friendly to your fellow neighbor.

Re: The Death of Social Reciprocity in the Era of Digital Distraction

#87

Post by [deleted] »

word-reader wrote: post #81
hoorayimhelping wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Something I've been making an effort to do more is to try to have a softer look on my face when I'm in public. I tend to be pretty intense looking, especially when I'm thinking hard, which I usually am when I'm walking or standing in line. I've noticed that consciously thinking about something that makes me very happy, or something I find funny, will make that happy emotion show on my face. When I project happy into…

When I moved to NYC, I was used to walking around with a pleasant and welcoming face, "without armor" as you say. Unfortunately, this caused me to be accosted multiple times a day by beggars, scammers, or just crazy people. After a few months, I developed the mild scowl and cold attitude required to keep them away.

[deleted]

Re: The Death of Social Reciprocity in the Era of Digital Distraction

#88

Post by chrisfinne »

The Jews identified this problem and the solution thousands of years ago, hence their weekly Sabbath ritual of disconnecting from work/technology and focusing on their family/faith.

I've got a growing appreciation for rituals that seem silly, worthless or out-dated. If the ritual has survived this long, deep examination is in order before altering or dismissing it.

Re: The Death of Social Reciprocity in the Era of Digital Distraction

#89

Post by distant_hat »

rabidrat wrote: post #45
cgs wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Along the same lines, I try to even just make brief eye contact with strangers after reading that it makes a difference, and recognizing it's something I appreciate when others do. From a recent NPR article [1]: "Kipling Williams, a Purdue University psychologist, studied how people felt when a young woman walked by them and either made eye contact, made eye contact while smiling, or completely ignored them. Even bri…

Interestingly, I wonder how much different the results would be if it were a man making the eye contact and smiling.

Yes, it sounds like one of those low n p-hacked studies that would vanish if replicated.

Re: The Death of Social Reciprocity in the Era of Digital Distraction

#90

Post by ksdale »

ipython wrote: post #86
ksdale wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree 100%. After purchasing a home and joining the local neighborhood social media scene, it's unreal how suspicious people are of the people and cars in the neighborhood (even ones that belong to residents!). We live in as safe of a neighborhood as you possibly could, and people are still paranoid. People lament a loss of community and then without irony, get on FB and worry that every unfamiliar vehicle passing…

What's really interesting here is that if people actually demonstrated a little social reciprocity by saying 'hello' to each other, they'd realize that security and having a neighborhood feel aren't mutually exclusive. Think about it - as a potential burglar, which is a more attractive target? A neighborhood where everyone silently ignores you or one where people notice you, make eye contact, wave, and say hello? tl;…

Well said!
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