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Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

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Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#291

Post by carlosdp »

hpen wrote: post #165
carlosdp wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have this issue too, I think it also has to do a bit with cultural background sometimes. I grew up in a hispanic family in a majority hispanic community, where my everyday conversation with people was people talking over each other. It was common to start making your point while the other person was still finishing theirs. The difference is, because everyone did it, we would just keep talking , even if we were cut…

"I have this issue too, I think it also has to do a bit with cultural background sometimes." Completely agree. I'm not Hispanic, but I grew up in the south in a household where talking over each other was the norm. A different culture, but culture indeed. College is also where I learned this was considered bad practice / rude

> College is also where I learned this was considered bad practice / rude

I think it's important to note that it is considered bad/rude in most american culture. Manners are relative to the culture you are living in. This style is certainly not rude in Cuban circles, for example.

It's like how belching at a restaurant is rude in the US, but a sign of respect to the chef in Japan.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#292

Post by harimau777 »

hinkley wrote: post #285
DanBC wrote: post #238

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The way to address those people is in private, outside a meeting. Behaving the way you do is just rude, and is not acceptable in any workplace I'm part of. > and I will absolutely shove you out of the spotlight and without compunction Just to be really clear: this makes you toxic.

There are times when the stream of thought is the most important thing in the room. Especially in triage situations. Brevity allows the process to continue. It avoids upsetting the checklists in people's brains. Grandstanding, soap boxing, and shaggy dog stories are actively harmful to this process. These are primarily the situations where my patience for ineffective communication is at its nadir, and we can't stop t…

My experience is that this sort of approach (pre-empting people who are explaining their point) often results in a "solution" being reached quickly that fails to take into account the nuance that the speaker was trying to explain.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#293

Post by blablabla123 »

hinkley wrote: post #219
andrewcarter wrote: post #15

I have a problem cutting people off- I get way to excited about what I want to say and jump in. I really appreciate when people call me out and don't take it personally. I also try to work on it and try to help steer the conversation to other people who have been cut off when I see it happen. So IMO don't be afraid to politely just let someone know! If you don't feel comfortable during the meeting, maybe speak with t…

A lot of the time I’m like you, or I see that the person is starting a long train of thoughts based on a faulty premise... why would you let someone catastrophize or take everyone in a magic carpet ride that is based on bad information? But that is unfortunately not always why. Some people take a very, very long time to get to a point they’ve already telegraphed long before. In a conversation that’s about problem sol…

> A lot of the time I’m like you, or I see that the person is starting a long train of thoughts based on a faulty premise...

When talking about new angles of view it is quite unusual that the whole argument/"paragraph" is 100% logically sound. In fact that is quite an exception when talking. Maybe there is more than one argument for the other position that would still follow.

I think a lot about problems and details at work that have a lot of impact. These things cannot be summarized in single sentences and I don't have the time to follow higher standards in organizing my speech than others. So in the end I often ended up repeating my standpoint through various meetings until managers realized that this is indeed a thing.

> Some people take a very, very long time to get to a point they’ve already telegraphed long before.

Many people often take a very, very long time to troubleshoot problems, perhaps even work overtime because of that. I prefer to solve things by talking when this is possible and spent engineering time on the really interesting things.

(Also it might be an organizational problem if there are no meetings to discuss things in-depth with large rounds. Dailies are surely not the place for that.)

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#294

Post by sloaken »

mikestew wrote: post #279
jazzyjackson wrote: post #234

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Reminds me of a great episode of "The Truth" podcast, "If you're being interrupted, it's because you're interruptible" https://soundcloud.com/jonathan-mitchell-1/interruptible

"If you're being interrupted, it's because you're interruptible" What a load of victim-blaming shit. There are people, and I've worked with many, that would have interrupted Jesus preaching the Sermon on the Mount.

Oh wow, you must know my mother in law ....

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#295

Post by solipsism »

Tade0 wrote: post #113
solipsism wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why? This is passive aggressive. Am I taking crazy pills? What's the problem with just politely saying, "Can you please not interrupt?" or "Let me finish my point please."

What's the problem with just politely saying, "Can you please not interrupt?" I'm assuming this option has already been exhausted and didn't have any effect. I've worked with people who prefer to apologise all the time instead of changing their behaviour. When you bring that up they... apologise and move on.

If a problem continues to be a problem after having some polite conversations about it, then it's time to take the conversation to managers. It's then the managers' role to find a solution.

If it keeps being a problem after that (only in an extreme minority of cases would this be true), then yes, I'd transfer or look for a different job.

But engaging in a war of talking over each other is just stupid and immature. I have kids, so I guess I prefer the workplace to consist of adults acting like adults.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#296

Post by [deleted] »

hawski wrote: post #226
solipsism wrote: post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is there no sense of personal accountability at your company? Why can't your workers be trusted to take care of simple, everyday social problems like this? I don't like interrupters any more than the next person, but i consider myself an adult and want to work with adults -- I can't imagine needing a babysitter like this.

I would say it is all too common in most social situations. It's normal that people get overexcited. People should behave, but often do not. What one is supposed to do when it happens? Find a new job? Do you also have opinion, that generally working with adults one does not need a manager or a superior? Managers manage people, they should manage meetings.

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#297

Post by jazzyjackson »

mikestew wrote: post #279
jazzyjackson wrote: post #234

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Reminds me of a great episode of "The Truth" podcast, "If you're being interrupted, it's because you're interruptible" https://soundcloud.com/jonathan-mitchell-1/interruptible

"If you're being interrupted, it's because you're interruptible" What a load of victim-blaming shit. There are people, and I've worked with many, that would have interrupted Jesus preaching the Sermon on the Mount.

Well tell it the fictional character in the story, I wasn't making any assertions on what's right or wrong.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#299

Post by BurningFrog »

carlosdp wrote: post #290
BurningFrog wrote: post #188

Earlier quoted context omitted.

OK, so everybody did it and nobody was an asshole. But it's hard to imagine you ever reached any sane conclusion to these discussions? It just seems like a bunch of primates expressing their feelings, opinions and tribal affiliations, but not a way to make good decisions. Or am I missing the point?

No, I assure you sane conclusions can be reached with these discussions... It's just another conversation style, I don't need to hear the end of your sentence to know the point you are making, at a certain point the end of the sentence is likely fluff. If the end is important, I'll still hear it, and if it changes what my response is, I'll probably stop and react mid-stream.

OK, I'll retreat back to that you have to be used to this type of interaction to take part in it, and outsiders will likely not do well in it.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#300

Post by tduberne »

carlosdp wrote: post #90
ducktypegoose wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Most interrupters are exactly like andrewcarter here, they just get excited. When someone does it they're most likely not trying to be rude, and it's well within your consideration to air your complaint, "I am happy to hear your thoughts, but please let me finish my own before you share yours." It isn't a rude or confrontational sentiment. Nobody likes being interrupted, and nobody likes being called-out as an interr…

I have this issue too, I think it also has to do a bit with cultural background sometimes. I grew up in a hispanic family in a majority hispanic community, where my everyday conversation with people was people talking over each other. It was common to start making your point while the other person was still finishing theirs. The difference is, because everyone did it, we would just keep talking , even if we were cut…

This totally cultural. I am French, and when I was living in Spain, it was very difficult to get a full sentence out, but in Germany, I am often called out for interrupting people all the time (and I master Spanish and German at a similar level, so this is not related to language proficiency).

What I also noticed now that I try to pay attention to it is that I am practically unable to say a word in a German conversation if I try not to interrupt. I seem to be missing the cues that seem to say "you may now speak", and have the feeling I get interrupted all the time. I guess those cues are culture-specific and internalized over time.

That might be relevant to the OP 's question: in a multi-cultural team, one might need to develop a set of cues that are specific to that context. That can only come by discussing the topic one way or another, be it during the meetings, in breaks, at lunch... In my case, telling exactly what I described above, in a "aren't cultural differences interesting" way helped.

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