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Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

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41–50 of 311 posts

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#41
I've found that if you talk less, people will listen more when you do talk - provided you don't ramble.

Focus on being concise and formulating your thoughts while everyone else is hashing things out - then jump in with your clearly articulated thoughts at the end.

A lot of the time it seems people get cut off because they ramble.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#42
Sometimes it's unfortunately just a personality thing. There are people that are notorious for just needing to be the smartest person in the room, and if they aren't checked, it's just going to be a sucky place to work.

I've had limited good luck dealing with them by asking a lot of questions, Socrates-style. Really pinning them down. Particularly if I have an opposing solution that answers my own questions better. This helps highlight the difference between the people that have legitimately put in a lot of thought, and the bloviators.

There's one person I've worked with that has me stumped though. They start talking, and then they trail off... not quite mid-sentence, enough so that you think they're done. And then I respond, but they immediately continue their thought, rapid-fire like they're pouncing.

Person: "and the JWT token doesn't have that field, so..."

(2-3 seconds elapse)

Me: "Well, I think we can handl--"

Person: "SO-I-DON'T-THINK-THAT-WE-CAN (etc etc)"

It's so weird, they don't continue their thought until I start responding. Every time it plays out like I feel like I'm the one that was interrupting, even though I know I'm not.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#43
Others have suggested a talking stick, and I'll improve on that - a talking stick + timer. Because you need to enforce both 1 person talking at time, and time box them.

Even better, you make the timer be the talking stick. Every time you hand off the timer, you reset it for the next person. They say their piece and reset/handoff to the next person.

I've done this for daily standups/sprint meetings where things were getting out of control, it works well.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#44

Always finish what you have to say even if others start trying to talk over you. If you stop it makes it look like what you have to say is not important. Check out this YouTube video titled: How to stop people from talking over you. https://youtu.be/ikAfrKf5A8I The YouTube channel Charisma on Command have a bunch of great videos on EQ.

I find simply stating, "Excuse me but I wasn't finished." Is typically enough to get the point across. You can be polite and not allow people to railroad you.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#45

I have a problem cutting people off- I get way to excited about what I want to say and jump in. I really appreciate when people call me out and don't take it personally. I also try to work on it and try to help steer the conversation to other people who have been cut off when I see it happen. So IMO don't be afraid to politely just let someone know! If you don't feel comfortable during the meeting, maybe speak with t…

Most interrupters are exactly like andrewcarter here, they just get excited. When someone does it they're most likely not trying to be rude, and it's well within your consideration to air your complaint, "I am happy to hear your thoughts, but please let me finish my own before you share yours." It isn't a rude or confrontational sentiment. Nobody likes being interrupted, and nobody likes being called-out as an interrupter. Do that once or twice in a meeting and the over-talkers may all but stop moving forward. Nobody is going to resent you for laying down some fundamental courtesies, especially since it means everyone will have better opportunity to speak without interruption.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#47
You say to the other person, loudly and firmly "hang on X, I haven't finished" then you carry on until you're done.

There's no magic to it, no reliance on a corporate directive, or gimmick like a talking stick or hacky sack. You just directly address the other persons behaviour.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#48
post #40
post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I do it too....and I hate it........ I'm trying to tackle it by writing it down and waiting for others to finish with some decent success.

Try keeping a stopwatch in your head (think speed chess). Start it when you start talking, and periodically make it a habit to check ("How long has it been since someone else talked?"). If it's been too long, wrap up your thoughts and pause a while before launching into the next bit. It's usually obliviousness ("I didn't notice anyone else", in my personal experience), but it can feel very rude to others ("I didn't w…

I do it too & I hate it. My worry is that if I don't say it immediately I'll forget my comment/argument. I've tried scribbling it down and raise them later. But not very consistent in this process.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#49

I have a problem cutting people off- I get way to excited about what I want to say and jump in. I really appreciate when people call me out and don't take it personally. I also try to work on it and try to help steer the conversation to other people who have been cut off when I see it happen. So IMO don't be afraid to politely just let someone know! If you don't feel comfortable during the meeting, maybe speak with t…

I have this same problem.

The best thing I can do is attempt to use my natural inclination to help people like OP.

To that end, I'll usually say things like. "I think this is what "president" was saying, am I right?" This both validates to a more quiet team member that I heard them, but also gives them back the floor from someone who interrupted them.

I also attempt to listen to signals from quiet people who have opinions and then ask them their opinion after sharing. If they grunt or make a noise then I can direct it away from people who are more like myself and willing to speak out.

My goal is to not take the spotlight but instead to re-direct. I do this because I used to be SUPER quiet and I worked hard to get away from that. Now I'm considered fairly outspoken but I remember what it's like to be quiet and try to help out by giving them the time they need.

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