Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#281

Post by brighter2morrow » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 3:46 PM UTC

cascom wrote: post #265

a2tech wrote: post #61

I’ve been witnessing a masterclass in this at work lately. One of the faculty I work with has a habit of jumping in on people when they’re talking. One of our new faculty simple refuses to spot when the other person jumps in—-just simply keeps taking over the interrupter. Doesn’t speak up, doesn’t alter their cadence, simply continues to talk. It’s amazing.

I actually think this is more aggressive - simply raising a finger or saying “if you don’t mind I’d like to finish my thought” seems to be perfectly adequate in most situations

This is my preferred approach

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#282

Post by loco5niner » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 3:57 PM UTC

jazzyjackson wrote: post #234

a2tech wrote: post #61

I’ve been witnessing a masterclass in this at work lately. One of the faculty I work with has a habit of jumping in on people when they’re talking. One of our new faculty simple refuses to spot when the other person jumps in—-just simply keeps taking over the interrupter. Doesn’t speak up, doesn’t alter their cadence, simply continues to talk. It’s amazing.

Reminds me of a great episode of "The Truth" podcast, "If you're being interrupted, it's because you're interruptible" https://soundcloud.com/jonathan-mitchell-1/interruptible

Sounds like a rude person just excusing their rudeness.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#283

Post by loco5niner » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 3:58 PM UTC

glouwbug wrote: post #267

toyg wrote: post #208

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Flashbacks of my ex-wife. She would go ballistic if she thought I was interrupting her, but she would cut me off all the time and just half-heartedly apologise afterwards. She had turned into a massive bully.

Never marry, am I right fellas

Wrong. Be the right person. Marry the right person.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#284

Post by SkyMarshal » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 4:24 PM UTC

hinkley wrote: post #230

SkyMarshal wrote: post #172

First, try reframing everything you have to say as a question. People like ones you describe tend to be more responsive to questions, it plays to their ego. So if someone makes a loud assertion you know is wrong, ask a series of leading questions like a trial lawyer would that takes them down the path of realizing it's wrong (or at least takes everyone else listening down that path). Second, check out the book The Ge…

Yes, but I can think of a few people who fit this bill who are incapable of hearing a question as a critique. They will happily answer the question and not change course in the slightest.

Yes, but 1) it usually takes more than one question, rather a series of questions calling attention to the flaw/s, and 2) even if talker doesn't change course it's likely others in the group will see what's going on and realize OP is actually the one that knows stuff, changing the group dynamic.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#285

Post by hinkley » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 5:17 PM UTC

DanBC wrote: post #238

hinkley wrote: post #219

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A lot of the time I’m like you, or I see that the person is starting a long train of thoughts based on a faulty premise... why would you let someone catastrophize or take everyone in a magic carpet ride that is based on bad information? But that is unfortunately not always why. Some people take a very, very long time to get to a point they’ve already telegraphed long before. In a conversation that’s about problem sol…

The way to address those people is in private, outside a meeting. Behaving the way you do is just rude, and is not acceptable in any workplace I'm part of. > and I will absolutely shove you out of the spotlight and without compunction Just to be really clear: this makes you toxic.

There are times when the stream of thought is the most important thing in the room. Especially in triage situations.

Brevity allows the process to continue. It avoids upsetting the checklists in people's brains. Grandstanding, soap boxing, and shaggy dog stories are actively harmful to this process. These are primarily the situations where my patience for ineffective communication is at its nadir, and we can't stop this process to have an intervention or let you keep interfering.

Also, by unspoken consensus you will quickly find yourself disinvited from these meetings.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#286

Post by epynonymous » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 5:27 PM UTC

regarding your remark about this perhaps having something to do with the bay area, the bay area brings some of the most experienced and skillful if not smartest people in the industry (from all over the world), i dont doubt that this plays a factor. that's not to say that experienced/smart/skillful people are purposely rude, i think it has a little to do with ego, showing yourself up during meetings, but sometimes it's just passionate people going off on rants.

i can totally understand your frustrations and this seems to be affecting you personally, but i think you should do some root cause analysis before you jump to conclusions, jumping to conclusions also burns a lot of mental energy. instead, just go have a conversation in private about what you think, not about being interrupted, but about your technical ideas, if he/she's really an asshole and just wants to drown you out, you should be able to tell from a private conversation, my guess is that the person gains more respect for you. if you have trouble articulating your thoughts in real time, write it down, send an email. dont guess what's at play here, find out the truth. if the people suck, switch environments, there are plenty of great companies out there.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#287

Post by cljs-js-eval » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 5:32 PM UTC

cbayram wrote: post #108

solipsism wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why? This is passive aggressive. Am I taking crazy pills? What's the problem with just politely saying, "Can you please not interrupt?" or "Let me finish my point please."

This. Imo, this passive aggressively skirting around the issue is just giving one some petty satisfaction. Chances are likely the the interrupter isn’t aware. Tell the person not to interrupt bluntly if that’s your gripe.

Repeat interrupters have the mental capacity to figure this out. This is coddling people who don't deserve it.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#288

Post by theandrewbailey » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 6:09 PM UTC

winternett wrote: post #273

andrewcarter wrote: post #15

I have a problem cutting people off- I get way to excited about what I want to say and jump in. I really appreciate when people call me out and don't take it personally. I also try to work on it and try to help steer the conversation to other people who have been cut off when I see it happen. So IMO don't be afraid to politely just let someone know! If you don't feel comfortable during the meeting, maybe speak with t…

I had the same issue where I was always compelled to speak up if I felt like there was something important to be said... It really made me look like an a-hole. I asked a good friend of mine who was a successful CEO that people really listened to what his secret was... He said he stays quiet until people ask him for his opinion, then he makes sure what he says is succinct and on point as much as possible. That blew me…

This assumes that someone values your unknown (to them) opinion enough to ask for it.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#289

Post by king_panic » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 6:10 PM UTC

sergiotapia wrote: post #185

danieltillett wrote: post #176

I am prone to cutting off slow thinkers. The type that you know exactly what they are going to say for the next minute - yep I got that so can we move on to your next point. It is a bad habit and I try to control it, but sometimes I slip up.

What do you do with all the time you save interrupting the slow thinkers?

ftw

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#290

Post by carlosdp » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 6:14 PM UTC

BurningFrog wrote: post #188

carlosdp wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have this issue too, I think it also has to do a bit with cultural background sometimes. I grew up in a hispanic family in a majority hispanic community, where my everyday conversation with people was people talking over each other. It was common to start making your point while the other person was still finishing theirs. The difference is, because everyone did it, we would just keep talking , even if we were cut…

OK, so everybody did it and nobody was an asshole. But it's hard to imagine you ever reached any sane conclusion to these discussions? It just seems like a bunch of primates expressing their feelings, opinions and tribal affiliations, but not a way to make good decisions. Or am I missing the point?

No, I assure you sane conclusions can be reached with these discussions...

It's just another conversation style, I don't need to hear the end of your sentence to know the point you are making, at a certain point the end of the sentence is likely fluff. If the end is important, I'll still hear it, and if it changes what my response is, I'll probably stop and react mid-stream.