Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#261

Post by tomp » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 12:49 PM UTC

adrusi wrote: post #240

Speakers tend to prefer either a high considerateness or high involvement style of conversation. Considerate speakers prefer conversations where parties wait for each other to finish and take turns speaking, while involved speakers prefer those where parties jump in when they have something to add. [0] High considerateness style is getting too much credit in this thread. The two styles are similar in the relevant res…

Wow, thanks for this comment. This is a really insgihtful, intellectually involved, rational explanation of this topic (which more people approach extremely emotionally - almost like politics). I'll have to check the linked article (and any other resources) to make sure what you're saying is actually true (supported by data), but it sounds reasonable and logical, so I'm biased towards believing it. Favorited!

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#262

Post by cascom » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 1:00 PM UTC

I see management teams do this all the time with buyers/investors to their immense detriment. They are playing jeopardy- trying to answer the question as quickly as possible before hearing the whole thing (and often an essential element)

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#263

Post by thinkersilver » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 1:07 PM UTC

This may not be useful but have you tried to ask why you want to be heard. It's worth exploring your motives. Is it to make yourself feel more valued in the team or is it to provide value to the team. Figuring this out may allow you to find a way to change how your team members view you ( if it's needing validation from the team) or if it's the second, which I suspect it is, you may find a way to influence decisions _without_ having to talk over other people.

Team discussions are a competition of views and attention for space to express them and can be chaotic. Exploring

1. Verbal strategies - some have pointed out couple in the thread

2. Preparation of what you want to say - and framing the negatives strongly and the positives of your argument confidently

3. Seeding - Doing the groundwork and preparation before the discussion itself. Talking to your team members about your ideas and gauging they're reactions - in a way reading the room, and planting your idea so it's not out of the blue at the discussion

There's more but it's down to you. It's probably what you don't want to hear. You'll have to improve the way you communicate within discussions or learn how to influence the leaders and decision makes of the group outside the chaotic conversations.

I'm like you in a way but you've got to choose your battles.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#264

Post by nairobi222 » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 1:23 PM UTC

I wear a rubber band on my wrist and lightly snap it when someone is telling me something and I feel compelled to interrupt. It brings me out of the moment just enough to wait. But, you have to remember that the rubber band exists :-)

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#265

Post by cascom » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 1:32 PM UTC

a2tech wrote: post #61

I’ve been witnessing a masterclass in this at work lately. One of the faculty I work with has a habit of jumping in on people when they’re talking. One of our new faculty simple refuses to spot when the other person jumps in—-just simply keeps taking over the interrupter. Doesn’t speak up, doesn’t alter their cadence, simply continues to talk. It’s amazing.

I actually think this is more aggressive - simply raising a finger or saying “if you don’t mind I’d like to finish my thought” seems to be perfectly adequate in most situations

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#266

Post by corodra » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 1:34 PM UTC

A. When other people get cut off, tell the interrupter "don't cut them off. You, go ahead and finish what you were saying."

Be the person who does this. That way when...

B. Tell them "I am speaking, do not cut me off."

You then don't look like an asshole. You have an ethical principle you stand by for yourself and for others. You'll find very few people will attempt to you off.

It's what I started doing. Has worked pretty well in the past 6 or so years. It's better than being a victim.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#267

Post by glouwbug » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 1:34 PM UTC

toyg wrote: post #208

jtms wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

this is a VERY hard thing to learn, but I am trying it. Sometimes it just requires more concentration and determination than I can muster. Also the person doing the interrupting will occasionally accuse YOU of interrupting them. I hate feeling bullied by interrupters so I am constantly working to master any and all tactics for shutting down what I see as this rude/disrespectful/disruptive behavior.

Flashbacks of my ex-wife. She would go ballistic if she thought I was interrupting her, but she would cut me off all the time and just half-heartedly apologise afterwards. She had turned into a massive bully.

Never marry, am I right fellas

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#268

Post by atoav » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 1:41 PM UTC

icedchai wrote: post #128

Tagbert wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can still bring it up to them as a problem that you have noticed where "some people" get overeager and interrupt others. mention the downsides and ask if he can help change the culture. You don't have to point the finger at him and it helps to enlist his help rather than complain.

Why not just confront them directly? Why beat around the bush? Politeness only goes so far.

It is totally possible that beeing direct leads to the polar opposite of the intended result. This is something that can happen and it entirely depends on the people involved.

So some of use have learned how to recognize that type of situation and how to deliver bitter pills of truth without risking a job you might otherwise really like for it.

Be direct if you can, but don’t stay silent if you can’t.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#269

Post by atoav » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 1:50 PM UTC

I tend to interrupt people only when they ramble on about something forever or when they make their point in a really, really roundabout fashion.

You know the type, that talks for 10 minutes and you still have no clue what the point is or where it will lead to.

The thing is: there are many reasons why people interrupt other people and they might be completely different.

In my case you probably would in the best case react with something like: “Wait, let me summarize my point” and then proceed to do precisely that.

Some people might shut you down, some might get excited by the thoughts your contribution envokes in then. Some might just hate it that they are not in the spotlight.

If you know the reason, you know how to react to it.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#270

Post by duxup » Wed, Jul 17, 2019, 1:52 PM UTC

hutzlibu wrote: post #245

duxup wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Oh he was very good at it himself ;)

And did he himself also changed afterwards?

Yup.

He was a mixed bag as a director as he could get sort of autocratic, impulsive and ... was a bit out of his element a lot of times.

But, you could hold him to his word, he listened, and he was loyal. One of those flawed guys who... you'd still choose to work for if you could.