Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

271–280 of 311 posts

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#271

Post by bvinc »

king_panic wrote: post #243

I work with a team from Bangladore daily and they frequently interrupt. I don't know if it's a cultural difference but it seems that way. I know when someone begins to speak Ill hear "ACTUALLY..." or "SORRY BUT..." soon enough. Two things work. First is if I start a sentence I finish it. If you start talking then stop, you implicitly give permission to someone else to interrupt you when they interject. Get over the a…

I spent some time in India. One social aspect that I noticed right away is that lines aren't really a thing. If someone is ordering food at a cart, and you stand behind them, other people will assume you don't want to order and they'll just go around you.

I imagine that living in a place with such high population density causes behavior that seems rude and pushy to us in America.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#272

Post by segmondy »

solipsism wrote: post #99
segmondy wrote: post #87

Raise it with your manager, if it's peer's discussion then someone should moderate. When my team has meetings, I moderate. I make sure those remote get to speak first, and then I make sure no one is speaking for too long and call other's by name to add their ideas. If someone interrupts, I cut them off and tell the person that was speaking to continue.

Is there no sense of personal accountability at your company? Why can't your workers be trusted to take care of simple, everyday social problems like this? I don't like interrupters any more than the next person, but i consider myself an adult and want to work with adults -- I can't imagine needing a babysitter like this.

This usually doesn't happen, but when it does happen it's my responsibility to fix it since I'm a manager. This can happen when talking to someone from a different department, and outside vendor, etc. Like folks mentioned, this happens when people sometimes get very excited and don't really mean to be rude.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#273

Post by winternett »

andrewcarter wrote: post #15

I have a problem cutting people off- I get way to excited about what I want to say and jump in. I really appreciate when people call me out and don't take it personally. I also try to work on it and try to help steer the conversation to other people who have been cut off when I see it happen. So IMO don't be afraid to politely just let someone know! If you don't feel comfortable during the meeting, maybe speak with t…

I had the same issue where I was always compelled to speak up if I felt like there was something important to be said... It really made me look like an a-hole.

I asked a good friend of mine who was a successful CEO that people really listened to what his secret was...

He said he stays quiet until people ask him for his opinion, then he makes sure what he says is succinct and on point as much as possible. That blew me away. Since I have been practicing that method I have noticed amazing results. It's really something that I continually need to work on, and it doesn't work with family and friends (of course) but try it out...

Also, fight the urge to put emojis in company emails, people will lose respect for you ... :\

... Crap, still working on that one.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#274

Post by magduf »

bvinc wrote: post #271
king_panic wrote: post #243

I work with a team from Bangladore daily and they frequently interrupt. I don't know if it's a cultural difference but it seems that way. I know when someone begins to speak Ill hear "ACTUALLY..." or "SORRY BUT..." soon enough. Two things work. First is if I start a sentence I finish it. If you start talking then stop, you implicitly give permission to someone else to interrupt you when they interject. Get over the a…

I spent some time in India. One social aspect that I noticed right away is that lines aren't really a thing. If someone is ordering food at a cart, and you stand behind them, other people will assume you don't want to order and they'll just go around you. I imagine that living in a place with such high population density causes behavior that seems rude and pushy to us in America.

>I imagine that living in a place with such high population density causes behavior that seems rude and pushy to us in America.

Not at all. The population density in Japan is extremely high too, and they don't behave this way at all. This is entirely cultural: some cultures don't respect rules very well, other cultures do. Jumping line in Japan is considered extremely rude.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#275

Post by scandox »

dmlorenzetti wrote: post #96
carlosdp wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have this issue too, I think it also has to do a bit with cultural background sometimes. I grew up in a hispanic family in a majority hispanic community, where my everyday conversation with people was people talking over each other. It was common to start making your point while the other person was still finishing theirs. The difference is, because everyone did it, we would just keep talking , even if we were cut…

"One of the most striking aspects of high involvement style that I found and analyzed in detail was the use of what I called 'cooperative overlap': a listener talking along with a speaker not in order to interrupt but to show enthusiastic listenership and participation. The concept of overlap versus interruption became one of the cornerstones of my argument that the stereotype of New York Jews as pushy and aggressive…

This is an absolute gem. Thanks for sharing that. Sometimes you just need to see it written down to know it's right.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#277

Post by mikestew »

midgetjones wrote: post #213
fictorial wrote: post #137

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wear a rubber band on my wrist and lightly snap it when someone is telling me something and I feel compelled to interrupt. It brings me out of the moment just enough to wait. But, you have to remember that the rubber band exists :-)

I hope you don't snap it too loudly, because I would probably find that noise as offputting as an interruption :)

If I know parent is doing to keep from talking over the top of the quiet team member, I will be more than happy to put up with the snapping.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#278

Post by roadbeats »

I live in Berlin and went through exactly this, changed my team, and that felt like a prison break. If it’s an option for you, I’d recommend considering a change. It’s totally waste of time and energy to work with people who doesn’t know how to have respectful conversations.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#279

Post by mikestew »

jazzyjackson wrote: post #234
a2tech wrote: post #61

I’ve been witnessing a masterclass in this at work lately. One of the faculty I work with has a habit of jumping in on people when they’re talking. One of our new faculty simple refuses to spot when the other person jumps in—-just simply keeps taking over the interrupter. Doesn’t speak up, doesn’t alter their cadence, simply continues to talk. It’s amazing.

Reminds me of a great episode of "The Truth" podcast, "If you're being interrupted, it's because you're interruptible" https://soundcloud.com/jonathan-mitchell-1/interruptible

"If you're being interrupted, it's because you're interruptible"

What a load of victim-blaming shit. There are people, and I've worked with many, that would have interrupted Jesus preaching the Sermon on the Mount.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#280

Post by brighter2morrow »

glouwbug wrote: post #267
toyg wrote: post #208

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Flashbacks of my ex-wife. She would go ballistic if she thought I was interrupting her, but she would cut me off all the time and just half-heartedly apologise afterwards. She had turned into a massive bully.

Never marry, am I right fellas

In defense of women, my wife's an angel and I believe most/many women are much better conversationalists than OP's ex
Post reply on HN