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Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

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Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#181

Post by arcosdev »

carlosdp wrote: post #90
ducktypegoose wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Most interrupters are exactly like andrewcarter here, they just get excited. When someone does it they're most likely not trying to be rude, and it's well within your consideration to air your complaint, "I am happy to hear your thoughts, but please let me finish my own before you share yours." It isn't a rude or confrontational sentiment. Nobody likes being interrupted, and nobody likes being called-out as an interr…

I have this issue too, I think it also has to do a bit with cultural background sometimes. I grew up in a hispanic family in a majority hispanic community, where my everyday conversation with people was people talking over each other. It was common to start making your point while the other person was still finishing theirs. The difference is, because everyone did it, we would just keep talking , even if we were cut…

Italian here, the exact same experience growing up. It was expected that you had a conversation this way. Why waste time waiting for each other to finish?

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#182

Post by makmanalp »

"Can I finish before you cut in?" directed at the interrupter seems to work for me - it's a reasonable request, it explicitly calls out what the other person is doing in a way they won't / can't reasonably get defensive about, and if they keep talking over you it telegraphs to other people that they're being a jerk.

It's annoying and probably unfair to have to do this of course, and honestly takes more practice than I thought it would to recognize this situation is happening and remember to deploy it.

More generally, this is now something I try to pay attention to while interviewing at companies. I don't need to be in a struggle every time I have a conversation or make a point.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#183

Post by DenisM »

avgDev wrote: post #36
andrewcarter wrote: post #15

I have a problem cutting people off- I get way to excited about what I want to say and jump in. I really appreciate when people call me out and don't take it personally. I also try to work on it and try to help steer the conversation to other people who have been cut off when I see it happen. So IMO don't be afraid to politely just let someone know! If you don't feel comfortable during the meeting, maybe speak with t…

I do it too....and I hate it........ I'm trying to tackle it by writing it down and waiting for others to finish with some decent success.

Instead of writing down your thoughts write down the names of people you cut off, then track them down and apologize.

Apology speaks directly to your impulsive mind, a kind of self-inflicted peer pressure mechanism.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#184

Post by sergiotapia »

A very easy, low friction way to correct this behavior is to steer the conversation to someone who has been interrupted.

Let the interrupter do his thing, then go "Alright John Doe, you were saying X Y Z?" He'll start his train of thought again, and if someone tries to interrupt, cut them off and say "Hold on let John Doe finish answering my question". You come out looking professional to interrupters, the interrupted likes you more, _and_ you start to change the behavior that annoys you, without you being the bad guy. win-win-win

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#185

Post by sergiotapia »

danieltillett wrote: post #176

I am prone to cutting off slow thinkers. The type that you know exactly what they are going to say for the next minute - yep I got that so can we move on to your next point. It is a bad habit and I try to control it, but sometimes I slip up.

What do you do with all the time you save interrupting the slow thinkers?

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#186

Post by hyperpallium »

duxup wrote: post #88
icedchai wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What do you do when the director / manager is actually the one doing the interrupting?

Oh he was very good at it himself ;)

Having an alpha who prevents domination, by dominating everyone, can actually work well, if he's not around very much.

Like an absent god.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#187

Post by scottmcf »

dmlorenzetti wrote: post #96
carlosdp wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have this issue too, I think it also has to do a bit with cultural background sometimes. I grew up in a hispanic family in a majority hispanic community, where my everyday conversation with people was people talking over each other. It was common to start making your point while the other person was still finishing theirs. The difference is, because everyone did it, we would just keep talking , even if we were cut…

"One of the most striking aspects of high involvement style that I found and analyzed in detail was the use of what I called 'cooperative overlap': a listener talking along with a speaker not in order to interrupt but to show enthusiastic listenership and participation. The concept of overlap versus interruption became one of the cornerstones of my argument that the stereotype of New York Jews as pushy and aggressive…

Scottish guy in the US here, I've had to train myself out of this habit here (still working on it). Not always well received in the South!

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#188

Post by BurningFrog »

carlosdp wrote: post #90
ducktypegoose wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Most interrupters are exactly like andrewcarter here, they just get excited. When someone does it they're most likely not trying to be rude, and it's well within your consideration to air your complaint, "I am happy to hear your thoughts, but please let me finish my own before you share yours." It isn't a rude or confrontational sentiment. Nobody likes being interrupted, and nobody likes being called-out as an interr…

I have this issue too, I think it also has to do a bit with cultural background sometimes. I grew up in a hispanic family in a majority hispanic community, where my everyday conversation with people was people talking over each other. It was common to start making your point while the other person was still finishing theirs. The difference is, because everyone did it, we would just keep talking , even if we were cut…

OK, so everybody did it and nobody was an asshole.

But it's hard to imagine you ever reached any sane conclusion to these discussions?

It just seems like a bunch of primates expressing their feelings, opinions and tribal affiliations, but not a way to make good decisions.

Or am I missing the point?

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#189

Post by dotmanish »

You can flip the thing around by championing the 6 Thinking Hats method to drive decision meetings: https://www.amazon.com/Six-Thinking-Hats-Edward-Bono/dp/0241...

There are numerous examples cited in the book and around the web on how this streamlines discussions (and also gives everyone a chance to chip in from different angles).

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