Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

nytimes.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

311–320 of 358 posts

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#311

Post by james_s_tayler »

jere wrote: post #249
drtillberg wrote: post #158

> I had picked the [trial] date, not the judge, [to coincide with my kid's seventh birthday] because I knew that the other side wasn’t ready. Delaying even a few days would have meant losing a crucial advantage. I wasn’t going to risk it knowing what was on the line for my client. I would just like to say that picking the most inconvenient time for all counsel involved is one of those tactics you see in the practice…

Call me extremely naive but I thought the point of a trial was to expose all the facts and give both sides ample time to do so, not to try to win over a "crucial advantage" by playing games. Seems like bad ethics in addition to bad parenting.

The justice system is less justice, more system.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#313

Post by 50656E6973 »

untog wrote: post #302
50656E6973 wrote: post #299

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>You can't solve an issue without identifying its causes. Agreed. How are the fundamental causes of domestic violence different from the fundamental causes of all other types of physical violence, in your opinion?

They're often rooted in the lack of emotional tools us men are given to process anger. We are raised to be "strong" and talking about your feelings is seen as weak. So things bottle up until they explode, often in the direction of domestic partners because they are closest. Particularly in situations out of our control... it's even been shown in studies that reports of domestic violence increase when a local sports t…

>often rooted in the lack of emotional tools us men are given to process anger. We are raised to be "strong" and talking about your feelings is seen as weak

Mental/emotional repression and the evolutionary need to appear strong and act on anger with physical violence is influential in many/most types of violence: domestic violence, school yard bullying, common assault, gang violence, police violence, and military violence.

Could it be that the root cause(s) of most types of violence -- whether on a micro scale (domestic assault) or a macro scale (war) -- are interrelated?

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#314

Post by subpixel »

14 wrote: post #190
MRD85 wrote: post #14

I made the opposite choice. I'm a single father and I've prioritised my children over my career. I'm not going to pretend it's an amazing lifestyle. If you're intellectually driven then looking after two young children isn't fascinating. However, I love them and they rely on me. I made a choice to bring them into the world and I'm not going to neglect them. I have the kids more than their mother does, and I also pay…

I have worked in health care for 15 years primarily taking care of elderly. The biggest message basically they all make is to not let time pass you by when you are young and to enjoy the time with your kids when they are young. Because before you know it they grow up and it’s never the same. I am a single dad as well. I too sacrificed my career so they got the time they needed. My love life is non existent also but I…

Amen. The author of the article is incorrect to think that the effect her career can have on society is anywhere near as important as the effect she can have on her children, should she take the time.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#315

Post by dirtylowprofile »

I’m a dad of a 10 month little dude and sacrificed a high paying Senior job so I can focus on him growing up and help with my wife with all the baby and house chores.

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice because finding part time or freelance gigs are kinda hard right now. But at the end of the day I know I made the right decision because my little boy is just gonna be young once and I don’t want to miss out on his milestones and growth.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#316

Post by vmurthy »

MRD85 wrote: post #14

I made the opposite choice. I'm a single father and I've prioritised my children over my career. I'm not going to pretend it's an amazing lifestyle. If you're intellectually driven then looking after two young children isn't fascinating. However, I love them and they rely on me. I made a choice to bring them into the world and I'm not going to neglect them. I have the kids more than their mother does, and I also pay…

> However, I love them and they rely on me. I made a choice to bring them into the world and I'm not going to neglect them.

This is probably the most heartwarming thing that I'll read in a long time. Made my day :-).

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#317

Post by vmurthy »

electriclove wrote: post #178
spiderfarmer wrote: post #162

I sold my previous company and started a one man company mostly because now I can now be at home when my kids get out of school. Best decision ever. I work when they’re at school. And I work when they go to bed. No stress, no guilt, no worries. It’s awesome. I grew up on a farm. My parents were home 24/7. I liked that.

What kind of company?

Not OP, but his profile says this: "Allround developer, currently setting up a large network of agricultural communities"

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#318

Post by EdwardDiego »

ovatsug25 wrote: post #280
EdwardDiego wrote: post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Eh, the bar is set low for men. Stick around, hold down a job, and actually parent, and you're considered amazing. It's the flip side of the "women with careers are neglecting their children" and "men at the park are paedos!" mindset. It's nice having positive feedback, but I'd prefer a society where it's unremarked upon.

Great! I find I might be in the same situation in the future. How do you do parenting around the dinner table? Heck—how do you get dinner ready for 5?! If you can, would love to hear more! :)

Everyone eats together, no screens, books, toys etc. Especially me, it's always tempting to clean while they eat, but there's so much more value just touching base.

And then we talk. Things that happened at school, on the bus, at work, in the news. Any teachable moments come up, you use them - especially good for reinforcing the values you're trying to impart by running through scenarios based on what happened.

Bedtime is the important one. Having 15 minutes alone with them, in a muted environment where they feel safe, is where they feel best able to express emotional stuff. Once again, easy to skip and do the multitude of other tasks, but too valuable.

And in terms of cooking, buying in bulk and cooking in bulk. Pastas, risottos, pies etc. I like stuff that's quick for after work, or can be cooked the night before and reheated. I'm not a very organised person so the last year has been a definite learning experience.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#319

Post by jjeaff »

yomly wrote: post #146
MRD85 wrote: post #14

I made the opposite choice. I'm a single father and I've prioritised my children over my career. I'm not going to pretend it's an amazing lifestyle. If you're intellectually driven then looking after two young children isn't fascinating. However, I love them and they rely on me. I made a choice to bring them into the world and I'm not going to neglect them. I have the kids more than their mother does, and I also pay…

>If you're intellectually driven then looking after two young children isn't fascinating. I've never understood this viewpoint - children are simply the most fascinating things! They're born with next to no inborn knowledge and yet have the potential to learn about quantum mechanics. Someone with the same potential would only have learned about fire some hundred thousands of years ago. In the early days you get to se…

After spending some time working with machine learning and AI, the early development of the human brain is just fascinating to me.

With our best algorithms, you have to feed thousands and thousands of images for ML to be able to identify things like a certain type of animal.

And yet, my 14 month old can see a cartoon drawing of a penguin in her books a few times and then days later, recognize an actual photo of a penguin from a completely different source.

The human brain, even on an infant level is just so spectacularly amazing.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#320

Post by danielscrubs »

minipci1321 wrote: post #145

The title should have been "I've picked getting unjustfully condemned people out of prison, over my kids". It would make 2/3 of the comments irrelevant. Prioritizing a more "normal" job over raising own kids is a very different subject.

If you are a bad lawyer and a good father it's way better to let someone else do the work right? ;) /jk
Post reply on HN