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I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

nytimes.com

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Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#231

Post by cheez »

chachachoney wrote: post #230
cheez wrote: post #213

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> That said, historically women have been on the receiving end of physical violence from men far, far more often than vice versa and were told to suffer in silence Statistically, this is not true. In relationships where there is one-sided violence, the violence is (something like) 70/30 with the woman initiating the violence. In relationships where there is two-sided violence, the woman initiates the violence more th…

You're offering up a tabloid source which is ultimately referencing a survey of 11,000 people. >> These studies are hard to find because they get shouted out of the mainstream consciousness. Abstracts for studies are pretty easy to find on the internet (even the one you mention that is "hard to find"). Are you saying that there are legitimate academic studies which have been deleted? Serious assertions require seriou…

I read the original study, but my google-fu is not good enough to find it.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#232

Post by cheez »

untog wrote: post #221
cheez wrote: post #213

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> That said, historically women have been on the receiving end of physical violence from men far, far more often than vice versa and were told to suffer in silence Statistically, this is not true. In relationships where there is one-sided violence, the violence is (something like) 70/30 with the woman initiating the violence. In relationships where there is two-sided violence, the woman initiates the violence more th…

> The authors say they have no intention of minimizing the very real problem of serious domestic violence — the classic male batterer. The survey did not cover the use of knives, guns, choking, or burning, and it was not concerned with the kind of situation that can drive a woman to seek shelter outside the home. The view of the authors is that most intimate partner violence should not be equated with severe batterin…

> The article's own summary suggests against making the kind of conclusions the article you linked to makes.

Of course, they have to. Do you think 30% of men murder their wives? No, clearly it's some small percentage that severely batter. Therefore, those are the statistics that I would ignore and rather focus on the remainder who are the men that suffer as a result of this type of conflation. It's politically easy to conflate the two, of course. But it isn't intellectually honest.

> Not even slightly and it's an absurd reading of my post to suggest that I am.

So why should historical events I have no responsibility for serve to restrict my freedom? In an argument with my wife, I am the batterer, in divorce court, I am simply a pocket to be picked.

Let's make sure we understand the power dynamics at play. This is about reducing my autonomy to benefit a certain segment of society.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#233

Post by cheez »

lonelappde wrote: post #223
cheez wrote: post #213

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> That said, historically women have been on the receiving end of physical violence from men far, far more often than vice versa and were told to suffer in silence Statistically, this is not true. In relationships where there is one-sided violence, the violence is (something like) 70/30 with the woman initiating the violence. In relationships where there is two-sided violence, the woman initiates the violence more th…

That article says that women strike more often, while men do more damage with their strikes. I know which I'd prefer, given the choice between being hit more often or more severely. Men murder intimate partner women at 4x the rate of women murdering men intimate partners, per https://www.ozy.com/acumen/us-domestic-violence-murder-rate-...

Not only that, it says that men don't strike back 70% of the time.

Men are big and strong. No amount of mental gymnastics will fix that. So you absolutely should not engage someone stronger than you in a physical manner because retaliation would be bad.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#235

Post by lonelappde »

alanbernstein wrote: post #222
drtillberg wrote: post #158

> I had picked the [trial] date, not the judge, [to coincide with my kid's seventh birthday] because I knew that the other side wasn’t ready. Delaying even a few days would have meant losing a crucial advantage. I wasn’t going to risk it knowing what was on the line for my client. I would just like to say that picking the most inconvenient time for all counsel involved is one of those tactics you see in the practice…

She doesn't mention the subject of that particular trial, but the previous example makes the stakes of her work clear: overturning wrongful murder convictions to get innocent people out of jail. Missing a birthday seems a worthy tradeoff.

How does she know they are innocent if she is actively sabotaging the state's efforts research and prepare the evidence?

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#236

Post by cheez »

hyperpape wrote: post #226
cheez wrote: post #213

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> That said, historically women have been on the receiving end of physical violence from men far, far more often than vice versa and were told to suffer in silence Statistically, this is not true. In relationships where there is one-sided violence, the violence is (something like) 70/30 with the woman initiating the violence. In relationships where there is two-sided violence, the woman initiates the violence more th…

It doesn't seem impossible that women are just as likely to shove or slap a man they're in a partnership with, though I'd like to see more followup than this article to be convinced. However, the statistics on murder are pretty fucking clear: https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/07/homicides... . Given the frequency with which murder is preceded by a string of violence requiring medical attention, I'd wage…

Don't conflate the murdering men with men who have done nothing. This is the entire problem. All men don't rape, all men don't murder.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#237

Post by 50656E6973 »

untog wrote: post #185
throwaway4378 wrote: post #164

Few days ago I saw something about “Men’s rights” movement and my first reaction was to think of it as parody and laugh it off. But then I looked at few stories and videos and it was eye opening. Many people don’t understand how badly some of the men are being exploited and even driven to suicide. Current laws in Western world are heavily tilted towards perceiving men as guilty party, someone who must always be makin…

IMO there's nothing wrong with Men's Rights as a cause, but if you look at, for example, /r/mensrights on Reddit an absolutely toxic hatred of women pervades the place. It's not healthy. But yes, suicide, custody in divorce etc are issues where men deserve recourse. That said, historically women have been on the receiving end of physical violence from men far, far more often than vice versa and were told to suffer in…

>historically women have been on the receiving end of physical violence from men far, far more often than vice versa and were told to suffer in silence.

Historically, men have been on the receiving end of violence far, far more than women. Far more likely to be assaulted/murdered on the street, convicted for a crime they did not commit, or drafted into and killed in war.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#238

Post by lonelappde »

noisy_boy wrote: post #215

Kids are not kids forever. People feel like they have infinite time when they are young/in their prime. They don't and it is too late by the time the realization dawns in. By then, they have grown and moved out and that work which feels so intellectually stimulating/meaningful now does not necessarily feel the same way then. I love programming and that is why I got into my choice of career. However, that program I sp…

This is the fallacy of regret. No matter what you do, you can regret what you didn't do

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#239

Post by sokoloff »

Causality1 wrote: post #170

>I had picked the date, not the judge, because I knew that the other side wasn’t ready. Delaying even a few days would have meant losing a crucial advantage. Doesn't our paradigm of adversarial justice require that lawyers subscribe to an idea of fair competition? I don't see any difference between using the trial date or venue setting to attack your opponent and, say, using trick make-up and a wig to make your clien…

I would imagine that adversarial justice would work best when each side is vigorously preparing and putting forth their strongest arguments.

We enumerate that a defendant is under no obligation to help the prosecution as just an extreme example of this. That almost all patent infringement cases were held in a backwater East Texas district is evidence that the system doesn't work as that description of "fair competition" would suggest.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#240

Post by lonelappde »

ulfw wrote: post #177
milliondollar wrote: post #160

I made the opposite choice. I left a 7 figure a year (but 70% travel) job to take a few years off with my kids. I'm under no illusion that my kids will be that much better for it, but I will be. I am consuming this time with just absolute relish. A relationship is the sum of small things. And driving them to school is part of that overall cumulative time that ... just... matters. For me. I'm sure the kids would be gr…

Nice thing to do if you can afford it Mr. Million Dollar man. Most people can't just throw a "7 figure a year" job away.

Hey, you should thank someone who doesn't bogart the 7 figure job, and lets someone else have a turn after they get a lifetime supply of money from it.
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