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I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

nytimes.com

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Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#161

Post by dmje »

eertami wrote: post #150
dmje wrote: post #126

We've made our lives around a "kids first" policy since they were born. We run our own business (together) and consistently and deliberately put this second to our children. We know it's going to hurt in a financial sense later - we are very much living for now, knowing that the eldest who is 14 may be leaving home in 4 years and the youngest who is 12 will be off in 6. We're in a fortunate situation, in that the wor…

Even without kids I work like this. Just because I'm not a parent doesn't mean I'm going to take on work that could potentially stress me out eat into vacation time... It seems like more of a work-life balance philosophy thing than parenting thing, I simply couldn't imagine working more than 50% of the year but others are content doing 60hr weeks with 2 week vacation. If that's what makes them happy then power to the…

Totally agree. But I think the discussion / original article here posed the question regarding kids. Totally up for workaholic-ism if that's your bag (and it was mine when I was in my 20's and childless) - but in the case of this article I'd question why have kids in the first place if your focus is going to be entirely on work. I know sometimes this just happens but it feels dangerous to the sanity and wellbeing of the kids involved.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#162

Post by spiderfarmer »

I sold my previous company and started a one man company mostly because now I can now be at home when my kids get out of school. Best decision ever. I work when they’re at school. And I work when they go to bed. No stress, no guilt, no worries. It’s awesome.

I grew up on a farm. My parents were home 24/7. I liked that.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#164

Post by throwaway4378 »

Few days ago I saw something about “Men’s rights” movement and my first reaction was to think of it as parody and laugh it off. But then I looked at few stories and videos and it was eye opening. Many people don’t understand how badly some of the men are being exploited and even driven to suicide. Current laws in Western world are heavily tilted towards perceiving men as guilty party, someone who must always be making sacrifice. A women, for example, can call in police at anytime and put her husband in jail by claiming domestic violence however other way around almost never work. Women can threaten her husband of divorce and take away house, car and half of the bank savings even if she has contributed negatively by causing lot of stress or performing large spending sprees. Courts tend to give women custody of children and in some states women can claim it any way by citing reasons such as husband has (non-existent) violent behavior. Judge and jury almost always will take side with women.

I understand above are rare cases and that women gets sharp end of rope far more often. However still this would be like saying that it’s ok to sacrifice those minority men who lose everything including their life’s work and even their children when women simply decides to wave magic wand of law.

I don’t want to derail the conversation but Western society has only accepted one side of view and sexism on other side gets laughed off to oblivion.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#165

Post by zhyder »

Lots of judgemental responses here. I realize cultural expectations from women are very skewed, but I'd hope for more open-mindedness from HN users.

This choice isn't unreasonable when, as in this article:

1. There are other loving caregivers to help fill in any gaps

2. The job has very high value-add to others, i.e. it's not just about selfish value-capture

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#166

Post by dragonwriter »

refurb wrote: post #106
dragonwriter wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> If you don't want to prioritise your kids over your job... don't have kids. Having kids while prioritizing job over direct care and attention to them has been an accepted (and often expected) pattern for men for centuries. (And for much of that time for upper and often middle class [0] women, too, though their primary vocations weren't “jobs” in the usual sense.) Should it be surprising or any worse that when women…

Sorry, but men prioritizing their jobs over their kids has never been historically accepted. Sole breadwinner is not by definition prioritizing job over kids. Working 80 hours per week when 40 hours could provide your family with enough, is.

> Sorry, but men prioritizing their jobs over their kids has never been historically accepted.

Men (and for that matter upper and often also middle class women in roles that aren't actually jobs, though that's also true of upper class men in either the hereditary aristocracy or th e capitalist haut bourgeiosie) prioritizing their job—or, where they don't have a job as such, their externally-focussed class role over personally providing direct care and attention to their children (which is what I said and what is, despite the less precise language, actually being discussed in the article), has, in fact, been widely historically accepted.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#167

Post by flurdy »

seanmcdirmid wrote: post #21
abledon wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

lol, my coworker always goes off on a rant about how much it would suck being elon musk's kids. can't convince him its just a different upbringing

Does Musk even have kids? Dang, according to wiki, he has 5 living kids.

And he boasts about sleeping at the factory. What a dick.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#168

Post by MRD85 »

icu wrote: post #112
MRD85 wrote: post #14

I made the opposite choice. I'm a single father and I've prioritised my children over my career. I'm not going to pretend it's an amazing lifestyle. If you're intellectually driven then looking after two young children isn't fascinating. However, I love them and they rely on me. I made a choice to bring them into the world and I'm not going to neglect them. I have the kids more than their mother does, and I also pay…

Hang in there! Excellence is dedication to completion, and by the sound of things, you are doing an excellent job.

Thanks. My two children are doing amazing. My long term goal is to raise them into healthy adults with a good chance of being happy (nothing is guaranteed).

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#169

Post by BigJono »

jon-wood wrote: post #153
yomly wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>If you're intellectually driven then looking after two young children isn't fascinating. I've never understood this viewpoint - children are simply the most fascinating things! They're born with next to no inborn knowledge and yet have the potential to learn about quantum mechanics. Someone with the same potential would only have learned about fire some hundred thousands of years ago. In the early days you get to se…

On the scale of months and years children are amazing, and I agree it’s fascinating to watch as they develop into their own people. However, on the scale of hours and days they can be mind-numbingly boring, as anyone who’s played hide and seek with a four year old who repeatedly goes and hides in their bedroom cupboard can probably attest. I love my boy dearly, but I am so, so, bored of playing the first hour of Mine…

Damn, maybe I should have kids. I've played the first hour of Civ V over 500 times now and never finished a game.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#170

Post by Causality1 »

>I had picked the date, not the judge, because I knew that the other side wasn’t ready. Delaying even a few days would have meant losing a crucial advantage.

Doesn't our paradigm of adversarial justice require that lawyers subscribe to an idea of fair competition? I don't see any difference between using the trial date or venue setting to attack your opponent and, say, using trick make-up and a wig to make your client look nothing like the person the witnesses saw.

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