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I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

nytimes.com

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Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#121

Post by permatech »

funnybeam wrote: post #117
kuerbel wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As an atheist, that sounds terrible. Also there is some legit criticism: taken from wikipedia (where you can see the sources): It also warns members to "avoid independent thinking", claiming such thinking "was introduced by Satan the Devil" and would "cause division". Those who openly disagree with official teachings are condemned as "apostates" who are "mentally diseased". https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jehovah%27s…

As another atheist, that sounds (taken at face value) pretty good to me. Community is massively missing for many people and having a structure that provides that is very attractive. Not disputing your points, just would be nice to have an equivalent without the religion and other negative side effects

Community is great, but a community of people who drink the kool-aid to get along and go along sounds awful.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#122

Post by ido »

bubblewrap wrote: post #118
jedberg wrote: post #50

> I also remind myself that if I were a dad, I would be getting accolades for all the times I scheduled a doctor’s appointment or arranged a play date. 1000 times this. If I take the kids to the store, or through airport security, or pretty much anywhere, women are practically running over to "help" me. Thank you but I got it. Go help that poor mom over there with three meltdowns to deal with, she needs it a lot more…

Not my experience (in Germany). Sometimes people (mostly women) assume I am taking a day off for daddy time and give me some sort of mini applause. But that is pretty rare. More notable is perhaps the gender distribution on the playground. I do think it is easier for moms to connect/bond with each other. Like if I plan an excursion and wonder what friends of my kids could join, I find it more difficult to simply ask…

I'm (a father) in Berlin with 2 little kids & I've had the same experience- a lot of dads in the playground (more mums tho) & my involvement with my kids usually goes unremarked.

I also know a lot of fathers that took parental leave for months at a time.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#123

Post by permatech »

codesternews wrote: post #116

Well I was watching this video of Jordson Peterson yesterday. https://youtu.be/44f3mxcsI50?t=2537 It has some great ideas and pretty much somesup every thing. Watch little bit longer as he goes from one subject to another and then come back to point.

Will you be posting Ben Shapiro videos later?

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#124

Post by permatech »

hindsightbias wrote: post #77

One morning, about 2am in one of the Mission Control rooms at JSC, I was sitting next to two semi-retired flight controllers managing a simulation. They went back to Apollo. One of my 20-something peers walked back to our row where the pizza boxes lay, ruffled through them, sighed “its all cold” and walked back to his terminal. Now, we’d been doing this for weeks. Old fart #1 turns to #2 and says under his breath “Yo…

You know, I think we would have still made it to the moon if those two guys spent time with their family

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#125

Post by permatech »

nradov wrote: post #74
rayiner wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/f239/63aabbc3053bba4c5a5e68... > This research examined the association between parenting style and life satisfaction in adulthood (N=112). Participants responded to an online survey, called the Parenting Style and Life Satisfaction Survey, which included questions pertaining to parenting style experienced in childhood, parenting style used in adulthood, and levels of life satisfactio…

Is life satisfaction the correct metric?

Can you tell me a more important one?

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#126

Post by dmje »

We've made our lives around a "kids first" policy since they were born. We run our own business (together) and consistently and deliberately put this second to our children. We know it's going to hurt in a financial sense later - we are very much living for now, knowing that the eldest who is 14 may be leaving home in 4 years and the youngest who is 12 will be off in 6.

We're in a fortunate situation, in that the work we do is profitable and relatively low stress, but we also make decisions frequently that keep our work in balance. For instance, we could grow and take on employees, but have chosen not to; we consistently say no to new work even if it's hugely profitable if we know it is going to impact on holiday or family time - or our sanity!

Kids seem to me to be the single, unequivocally most important thing in the world. Creating them and nurturing them is after all what evolution is solely interested in. Making a new generation who is loved, balanced, ready to step out into the world on their own - this is, and will always be, more important to me than work.

The subtext - and it's a really important one - in the article, is about the empowerment of women. This is horribly unbalanced; for biological, social, whatever reasons. This is broken, and women get a terrible deal: this needs addressing.

But at the heart is just being with your kids and loving them, and for me that means putting work second.

I should also just add: actually, we put us as a couple high up in importance too. Too many people forget this when raising children: you need time to be you and to be a couple, and it's easy to forget this after years of nurturing kids!

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#127

Post by ido »

nradov wrote: post #74
rayiner wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/f239/63aabbc3053bba4c5a5e68... > This research examined the association between parenting style and life satisfaction in adulthood (N=112). Participants responded to an online survey, called the Parenting Style and Life Satisfaction Survey, which included questions pertaining to parenting style experienced in childhood, parenting style used in adulthood, and levels of life satisfactio…

Is life satisfaction the correct metric?

What else do you suggest?

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#128

Post by pergadad »

lotsofpulp wrote: post #90
rayiner wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Americans assign a silly and unjustified sentimental value to things like birthday parties and school outings. Part of my wife’s family is Jehovah’s witnesses, who don’t even celebrate birthdays. Are those kids somehow missing out? Do you think the immigrant parents that own a Chinese restaurant open seven days a week make it to any of their kids school functions or camping trips? Are they being irreparably damaged?

I had immigrant parents who had to work all the time to build and grow their business, so I didn’t have birthdays and that kind of stuff. I don’t care about that kind of stuff at all, not to say that I hate it or anything. I haven’t studied other children, so I can only make statements about myself. The only negative of my childhood regarding the lack of birthdays and whatnot is the inability to feign excitement for…

Be happy that others are happy. That's the key to empathy and sharing the pleasure. You don't have to understand why they are happy, and you don't have to agree with the cause. But you can still find joy in the fact that others are feeling wonderful.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#129

Post by pergadad »

barry-cotter wrote: post #86
rayiner wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yet they’re in college. Their parents having prioritized work over their kids undoubtedly will allow those kids to live an immensely better life than they would have otherwise. There’s millions of people in the world that would trade places with them in a heartbeat. One of my fears is that my kids will learn these bad American ideas from media. I saw my daughter watching a Disney show (Bunk’d), where a high achieving…

Having lived in China for seven years I see no sign that the Chinese have eaten, are eating, or are going to eat America’s lunch. Growth at the technological frontier is about what the best are doing and diffuses from there. I am unaware of any academic field or major industry where the US is not in the top three, hardly surprising given its 5% of global population and 25% of global economic activity. As long as the…

Decline doesn't have to be rapid.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#130

Post by danmaz74 »

rayiner wrote: post #58
Dayshine wrote: post #51

> 6) It's impossible to perfectly balance a 40 hour working week and family. Best you can aim for is a kind of homeostasis where work suffers for family one week and then family suffers a bit for work the next. The article refers to things like: > But there is always another client to defend, story to write or struggling student who just can’t wait. Here are things I have missed: my daughter’s seventh birthday, my so…

Americans assign a silly and unjustified sentimental value to things like birthday parties and school outings. Part of my wife’s family is Jehovah’s witnesses, who don’t even celebrate birthdays. Are those kids somehow missing out? Do you think the immigrant parents that own a Chinese restaurant open seven days a week make it to any of their kids school functions or camping trips? Are they being irreparably damaged?

A friend of mine was raised by his Jehovah's witnesses parents, and absolutely does resent this.
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