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Benefits of talking to strangers

bbc.co.uk

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Re: Benefits of talking to strangers

#51

Post by zucked »

wackro wrote: post #48
arvinsim wrote: post #43

Wish that this is true everywhere. Unfortunately, talking to strangers is very uncommon to some cultures.

Where are you that it would be that much of a problem, if you don't mind me asking? Cultural normals are one thing, but on a personal level people do tend to enjoy interacting with one another.

I'm from the US but I've spent a deal of time outside the US, primarily in Eastern Europe. In my experience, it is extremely uncommon to strike up conversations with strangers in Eastern European countries.

My wife, having spent a great deal of time in Eastern Europe as well, described it best to me - Americans are extremely good at having a surface-level chat with just about anyone. However, it is neigh impossible for people to get beyond the surface-level friendship. Deep, true, and lasting friendships are hard to come by. Eastern Europeans, conversely are extremely distant and cold at the onset, but with a little persistence, you break through that cold exterior and become almost family.

I could not hide my American-ness abroad and I often was the recipient of stares and mouths agape, but I love chatting with strangers. Everyone has a story to tell and many of those stories are downright fascinating and humanizing.

Re: Benefits of talking to strangers

#52

Post by gubbrora »

bluntfang wrote: post #50
CondensedBrain wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think it depends a lot on where you are. Older strangers here mostly want to talk about sports, religion, the latest reality TV show, how much they hate The Gays and trans people, and how much better things used to be when they were kids and everything was nice and stable because everyone knew their place. That is a nostalgia trip I can do without. The people around my age spend all their non-work time commuting fo…

>Older strangers here mostly want to talk about...how much they hate The Gays and trans people, Do your part and engage these hateful people. Show them love. Tell them you're queer and support LGBTQ people. We won't squash hate by ignoring the problem.

They'll literally die soon anyway

Re: Benefits of talking to strangers

#53

Post by CondensedBrain »

bluntfang wrote: post #50
CondensedBrain wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think it depends a lot on where you are. Older strangers here mostly want to talk about sports, religion, the latest reality TV show, how much they hate The Gays and trans people, and how much better things used to be when they were kids and everything was nice and stable because everyone knew their place. That is a nostalgia trip I can do without. The people around my age spend all their non-work time commuting fo…

>Older strangers here mostly want to talk about...how much they hate The Gays and trans people, Do your part and engage these hateful people. Show them love. Tell them you're queer and support LGBTQ people. We won't squash hate by ignoring the problem.

Doesn't work. I'm not going to change the mind of a 60+ Baptist who's devoted their whole life to getting into heaven. They believe my soul is at stake and that accepting that part of me is itself a sin. They bolster their worldview every Sunday. The entire community they inhabit supports and defends this perspective.

Re: Benefits of talking to strangers

#54

Post by vidarh »

reifiedgent wrote: post #46
HSJuniper wrote: post #39

This has been the largest personal growth I've experienced in my lifetime and it has been a direct result of living a city that is walkable. Before moving to San Francisco I hated talking to strangers and I would rarely engage in more than a few words with anyone on the street or in stores. Now I find myself cherishing small moments of conversation that occur in Ubers, on the MUNI, at communal tables in restaurants a…

I'm not sure it's the fact that it's walkable. London is very walkable but unless it's the last train home on a Thu/Fri/Sat night and everyone is very 'merry' then talking to strangers just does not go down well. I'm relatively new to SF but find the random interactions here beneficial in much the same way with regards to personal growth, and they seem to happen all the time. In the UK it felt like you can't talk to…

I'm very much introvert and talking to strangers does not come easily to me, but at times I've experimented with engaging strangers in conversations, largely because while I don't feel a need to constantly talk to people I wanted to get over my hangups about it, and I largely have. I still mostly don't talk to strangers because I find it exhausting and it doesn't interest me that much.

But when I do, in London, I've never once had a negative experience.

On the contrary, as soon as people here realise you're not trying to sell them something, or get anything from them, they tend to fall over themselves to be nice, and I've had people start pouring out their life story after just a simple 'how are you today?' to a shop assistant I'd only seen once or twice ever, because I actually waited for an answer.

I think a lot of people in London go around so starved for any kind of contact that as long as you're not acting totally creepy most people will be very open to it.

The hard thing with London is that you need to actually actively push past an expectation of not talking to people.

I actually find California more frustrating because while it's easy to get into a conversation, it's impossible for me to tell what is just pleasantries from when people are actually invested in a conversation.

Re: Benefits of talking to strangers

#55

Post by new2628 »

zucked wrote: post #51
wackro wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Where are you that it would be that much of a problem, if you don't mind me asking? Cultural normals are one thing, but on a personal level people do tend to enjoy interacting with one another.

I'm from the US but I've spent a deal of time outside the US, primarily in Eastern Europe. In my experience, it is extremely uncommon to strike up conversations with strangers in Eastern European countries. My wife, having spent a great deal of time in Eastern Europe as well, described it best to me - Americans are extremely good at having a surface-level chat with just about anyone. However, it is neigh impossible f…

I would say striking up conversations is possible in EE and US (and everywhere else?) to about the same extent, but just like language, social norms, attitudes, social clues can subtly differ in various places, and a strategy that works in one place may not work in the other, as you say the American style may come across in some societies as a bit aggressive.

source: someone who spent 1/3 of their life in EE and 1/3 in US.

Re: Benefits of talking to strangers

#56

Post by vidarh »

diehunde wrote: post #37

I've always wanted to be that person. It's some of those things easy to say but very hard to do when you don't have the social skills.

You don't need social skills for it. It's a good way to get them.

Here's a simple experiment to start with: make a point of every time you have a 'captive audience' such as a bus driver or cashier:

1) look them in the eye (take your cash out in advance etc.). This instantly sets you apart.

2) Say 'hi, how are you?' and smile, and actually pause for an answer.

You'll be surprised at the result. So many people in service jobs are so used to being treated as objects that they'll often jump as chances to have real human interactions and just a little eye contact and a pause that suggests you actually care about an answer makes a huge difference.

I've had cashiers literally run over to open a lane when they saw me coming after a couple of brief conversation, and people starting to tell me all kinds of personal details.

You don't need to have social skills at all other than that initial question, and trying to remember a detail or two and ask them about it another day. Enough people will talk enough about themselves to get you started.

And the bonus is you can often tell it makes people cheer up.

I don't really get much out of social conversations with people, and it's a big effort for me, but the things above are simple enough, and big enough impact to be worthwhile.

Re: Benefits of talking to strangers

#57

Post by vidarh »

jamesmp98 wrote: post #28
vorpalhex wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A compliment or a question is usually a good way to start. "Oh hey, nice shirt, have you seen that band in person?"

lol I went to a local music venue a few weeks back and tried this. After inquiring about one guys shirt, he started at me for a few seconds like I was insane and turned around

Then you have the perfect opener for anyone overhearing by cracking a joke about it.

Re: Benefits of talking to strangers

#58

Post by mitchell_h »

codyb wrote: post #14

I’m in San Francisco for work and yesterday an elderly man made a comment about the heat outside of a Walgreens. I didn’t really have much to do, and I really enjoy walking around San Francisco with it’s beautiful light pastel palette, rolling hills, and masonry so we walked and walked for about 3 hours. I was a bit tired by the end, and his story was a bit sad at times but when we finally departed I’d learned a trem…

I'm the guy that if you're in the line at walmart with me, I'm going to start talking to you. I've met some down right interesting folks this way. I also travel for work a lot. Talking to people in the hotel lobby is one of my favorite hobbies. I've met CEOs, truck drivers and people on vacation, all of them really interesting folks.

Everyone has a story or a piece of advice to give you. Just ask.

Re: Benefits of talking to strangers

#60

Post by sharadov »

codyb wrote: post #14

I’m in San Francisco for work and yesterday an elderly man made a comment about the heat outside of a Walgreens. I didn’t really have much to do, and I really enjoy walking around San Francisco with it’s beautiful light pastel palette, rolling hills, and masonry so we walked and walked for about 3 hours. I was a bit tired by the end, and his story was a bit sad at times but when we finally departed I’d learned a trem…

This is fantastic, I started working remotely a couple years back and then moved cities as well. I am an extrovert, but not the kind who will actively strive to make conversations. But I started doing this, and it's amazing!
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