Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Benefits of talking to strangers

bbc.co.uk

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

21–30 of 76 posts

Re: Benefits of talking to strangers

#21

Post by CondensedBrain »

codyb wrote: post #14

I’m in San Francisco for work and yesterday an elderly man made a comment about the heat outside of a Walgreens. I didn’t really have much to do, and I really enjoy walking around San Francisco with it’s beautiful light pastel palette, rolling hills, and masonry so we walked and walked for about 3 hours. I was a bit tired by the end, and his story was a bit sad at times but when we finally departed I’d learned a trem…

I think it depends a lot on where you are. Older strangers here mostly want to talk about sports, religion, the latest reality TV show, how much they hate The Gays and trans people, and how much better things used to be when they were kids and everything was nice and stable because everyone knew their place. That is a nostalgia trip I can do without.

The people around my age spend all their non-work time commuting for work or being with family. They have no interest/time/energy--the reason varies--for socializing outside family.

Re: Benefits of talking to strangers

#22

Post by nostalgk »

_Microft wrote: post #13

First, as always you get better by practicing. Second, you don't need to be witty or spontaneous at all. You can think of a nice thing beforehand ( * ) and just use it when there is an opportunity. You can also make sure that the possible downside is low by e.g. talking when it is clear that you don't have to spend half an hour sitting next to another in, then, awkward silence. Some sort of reason for initiating a co…

Another thing is that a lot of people consistently place themselves in a spotlight and imagine that conversations could go south, but really, other people don't typically hold one to the standard one holds themselves.

Since I've started trying to talk to other people, I've noticed others doing the same to others and I. Occasionally someone in the same position will come up and say something awkward or basically a non-starter in conversation, and I find that I don't really judge them at all. Most of the time, I try to entertain them anyway or turn it into a positive conversation, and I've noticed others doing the same for me as well.

Re: Benefits of talking to strangers

#23

Post by yomly »

Veen wrote: post #9
ch wrote: post #2

You ever sit there wanting to strike up a conversation with a random stranger, and have no idea where to begin? I think that has more to do with the observed self-imposed isolation than is given credit in the article.

I have a friend who is excellent at this. He starts talking about whatever, someone's clothes, how his day is going, the weather, anything vaguely relevant to the situation. People often look slightly uncomfortable at first, but they seem to quickly get over it and start to chatter away enthusiastically. I find it fascinating because I'm totally incapable of doing the same thing: usually I'll be standing next to him…

I've seen people "get away with murder" - corny jokes, terrible cliches. The term "sheer force of character" comes to mind - if you're confident enough in yourself, you can usually lead social situations/protocols against the grain as if you can establish that fundamentally you mean well most people will eventually go with the flow.

YMMV though, the people I know who can do this were able to do this from very young in age and I liken it to having a skill, except that it's hard to teach and not many people explicitly value it as something to "learn" - people would rather assume it's something innate

Re: Benefits of talking to strangers

#24

Post by technothrasher »

magashna wrote: post #18
ptah wrote: post #8

maybe that is only the case in chicago. I would find it immensely irritating if some stranger tried talking to me beyond "hello"

Try this in the north east and see how quickly people think you're a weirdo or annoying

Eh, it works fine enough in the Boston area. The key is to be able to read people's response quickly. You make a small comment or witticism, and they'll either give you a non-committal remark back or they'll literally light up and begin conversing with you. If you continue on when they haven't reacted positively, that's when you're perceived as annoying or weird.

Re: Benefits of talking to strangers

#25

Post by jdblair »

The biggest thing I miss at my current job is interaction with people I don't work with. When I commuted from Oakland to San Francisco I would talk to people on BART, at restaurants when I went out for lunch, and sometimes just made conversation with people on the street.

Now I work at a large company in the south bay. Lunch is provided and I ride my bike to work. There is basically zero chance to interact with anyone outside my workplace unless I make it happen deliberately.

Re: Benefits of talking to strangers

#26

Post by ptah »

jsutton wrote: post #20
ptah wrote: post #8

maybe that is only the case in chicago. I would find it immensely irritating if some stranger tried talking to me beyond "hello"

Well, the whole point of the article is that most people feel the same way you do, until it actually happens.

it has happened to me and it was most annoying as i used to use that time to read or watch coursera videos

Re: Benefits of talking to strangers

#27

Post by jamesmp98 »

technothrasher wrote: post #24
magashna wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Try this in the north east and see how quickly people think you're a weirdo or annoying

Eh, it works fine enough in the Boston area. The key is to be able to read people's response quickly. You make a small comment or witticism, and they'll either give you a non-committal remark back or they'll literally light up and begin conversing with you. If you continue on when they haven't reacted positively, that's when you're perceived as annoying or weird.

I'm from the south and visited Boston earlier this year and I feel like people really overdo the whole "southerners are overly nice and in your business" and "northerners are cold, uninterested and busy". People we're equally nice in both places and we had some nice, brief conversations with strangers. A friend of mine who I was with is German and he seemed to think people were exceedingly friendly

Re: Benefits of talking to strangers

#28

Post by jamesmp98 »

vorpalhex wrote: post #6
throwayEngineer wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ask them, >do you have any fun plans tonight/weekend? >So where do you work? It basically doesn't matter. I sometimes do the awkward, "hello I'm Michael, what are you doing this weekend?"

A compliment or a question is usually a good way to start. "Oh hey, nice shirt, have you seen that band in person?"

lol I went to a local music venue a few weeks back and tried this. After inquiring about one guys shirt, he started at me for a few seconds like I was insane and turned around

Re: Benefits of talking to strangers

#29

Post by collyw »

_Microft wrote: post #17
SmellyGeekBoy wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm usually friendly to strangers but I'd be immediately suspicious of someone asking me either of these questions out of the blue - and I'm a middle class, middle aged male.

It might be a cultural thing but yes, here in Europe I would be pretty suspicious of someone approaching me like that out of the blue. I mean, heck, that's none of your business!?

Smokers always have a reason to start talking to random people.

Re: Benefits of talking to strangers

#30

Post by ucosty »

I find the only strangers who ever try to talk to me in public are the ones who want something. This means I'm always suspicious of people who approach me, and have an aversion to being seen as the same.
Post reply on HN