I used to do this. Now I don’t because my online reputation is messed up, so as soon as they inevitably Google me they’ll see a terrible first page of search results. Looking for a way to free myself of this, aside from changing my uncommon name and 20 years of career history. I agree it’s all in my head and I shouldn’t let it dominate me, but I have largely given up still. Tangent, but this is the evil of a permanent record; even school kids know to fear it.
Benefits of talking to strangers
41–50 of 76 posts
Re: Benefits of talking to strangers
#42Earlier quoted context omitted.
Try this in the north east and see how quickly people think you're a weirdo or annoying
Eh, it works fine enough in the Boston area. The key is to be able to read people's response quickly. You make a small comment or witticism, and they'll either give you a non-committal remark back or they'll literally light up and begin conversing with you. If you continue on when they haven't reacted positively, that's when you're perceived as annoying or weird.
Exactly my experience. The key is to start the conversation in a way that also allows the other person to exit and save face. If they don't feel trapped it's much lower stakes for everyone involved.
Re: Benefits of talking to strangers
#43Wish that this is true everywhere. Unfortunately, talking to strangers is very uncommon to some cultures.
Re: Benefits of talking to strangers
#44I used to do this. Now I don’t because my online reputation is messed up, so as soon as they inevitably Google me they’ll see a terrible first page of search results. Looking for a way to free myself of this, aside from changing my uncommon name and 20 years of career history. I agree it’s all in my head and I shouldn’t let it dominate me, but I have largely given up still. Tangent, but this is the evil of a permanen…
I just googled you and found nothing negative about you at a cursory glance at your first page of google results, unless I searched the wrong terms. I mean I found a little civil dispute about noise complaint (assuming that's you) but I can't see how anybody would care about that.
I think you're overthinking the importance/impact of this to other people because you're falling prey to whatever the fallacy is called where one tends to expect people to care more about themself/pay closer to attention to one's self than they actually would. Like when you have a pimple if you normally have clear skin and you don't want to go outside because of it even though most people would hardly notice.
Re: Benefits of talking to strangers
#45I find the only strangers who ever try to talk to me in public are the ones who want something. This means I'm always suspicious of people who approach me, and have an aversion to being seen as the same.
Similarly, I’ve experienced some extremely skeptical looks when I sit down next to a stranger my age on the bus and ask “how’s it going”. Some people here are very business-oriented, I guess: it ends up being less socially awkward if I open with something that’s on the surface more selfish: if I’m on the window seat when a stranger sits next to me it’s “which stop are you?” ... and then “I’m getting off just before that - I better take the outer seat” or “perfect, I’m riding until ”. Now I’ve broken the ice, in a way that’s more acceptable for whatever reason, I’ve had a minimal amount of interaction to guess if they’d prefer to talk or be left alone, and if talk, we both have opportunities for conversation-starters (whatcha doing at ).
I don’t know what to think of it: maybe I just overthink these interactions. But it’s been disappointing for me to finally start taking the initiative to speak with strangers only to find that 3/4s of them want nothing to do with it.
Re: Benefits of talking to strangers
#46This has been the largest personal growth I've experienced in my lifetime and it has been a direct result of living a city that is walkable. Before moving to San Francisco I hated talking to strangers and I would rarely engage in more than a few words with anyone on the street or in stores. Now I find myself cherishing small moments of conversation that occur in Ubers, on the MUNI, at communal tables in restaurants a…
I'm not sure it's the fact that it's walkable. London is very walkable but unless it's the last train home on a Thu/Fri/Sat night and everyone is very 'merry' then talking to strangers just does not go down well.
I'm relatively new to SF but find the random interactions here beneficial in much the same way with regards to personal growth, and they seem to happen all the time. In the UK it felt like you can't talk to strangers - here it feels like you can't _not_ talk to strangers.
So not sure if it's SF, California, or Americans in general, but it's refreshing for someone who is usually quite introverted.
Re: Benefits of talking to strangers
#47maybe that is only the case in chicago. I would find it immensely irritating if some stranger tried talking to me beyond "hello"
It depends on where you are in Chicago. Riding public transit or walking in downtown? Leave everyone alone. Most other places? Give it a shot.
Why not walking downtown?
Last time I was in Chicago I was approached by a hustler almost immediately after I got out of the parking garage. He gave me the typical spiel about his family being down the block and he was out of money. Not out of the ordinary for Chicago.
We engaged in small talk for a minute. After I put a $5 in his hand, he began to break down and explain that I was the "first white person" to talk to him all day. He went on to imply that "white people" are afraid of him (he's black). At the end of our exchange, he asked me for a hug and I reciprocated. He told me he'd pray for me and I wished him well.
Maybe it was all bullshit, but it brightened my entire day.
Re: Benefits of talking to strangers
#48Wish that this is true everywhere. Unfortunately, talking to strangers is very uncommon to some cultures.
Where are you that it would be that much of a problem, if you don't mind me asking?
Cultural normals are one thing, but on a personal level people do tend to enjoy interacting with one another.
Re: Benefits of talking to strangers
#49Earlier quoted context omitted.
lol I went to a local music venue a few weeks back and tried this. After inquiring about one guys shirt, he started at me for a few seconds like I was insane and turned around
If someone at a concert acts like you've insulted them by asking about their music related shirt, then the problem is with them, not you.
This is precisely why I don't feel bad about asking innocent questions.
If they can't handle basic conversation, it's them.
Re: Benefits of talking to strangers
#50I’m in San Francisco for work and yesterday an elderly man made a comment about the heat outside of a Walgreens. I didn’t really have much to do, and I really enjoy walking around San Francisco with it’s beautiful light pastel palette, rolling hills, and masonry so we walked and walked for about 3 hours. I was a bit tired by the end, and his story was a bit sad at times but when we finally departed I’d learned a trem…
I think it depends a lot on where you are. Older strangers here mostly want to talk about sports, religion, the latest reality TV show, how much they hate The Gays and trans people, and how much better things used to be when they were kids and everything was nice and stable because everyone knew their place. That is a nostalgia trip I can do without. The people around my age spend all their non-work time commuting fo…
>Older strangers here mostly want to talk about...how much they hate The Gays and trans people,
Do your part and engage these hateful people. Show them love. Tell them you're queer and support LGBTQ people. We won't squash hate by ignoring the problem.