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The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

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Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#991

Post by dorchadas »

cwp wrote: post #677
WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

I had a bout of this about 20 years ago, so I made a rule for myself: I wasn't allowed to decline an invitation. If somebody proposed doing something together and I was able, I had to do it. That made a huge difference in my life. I did a lot of things that were... unexpected. (A few examples: I joined an ultimate frisbee league. I went skydiving. I joined a church group. I went to a strip club. I attended a wedding.…

I've made the exact same rule, as well. I've spent more money because of it, but my life has been much better. Sometimes, a trade-off is necessary. It also makes life much more interesting, and it's really made me grow as a person.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#992

Post by dangus »

BeetleB wrote: post #560
dangus wrote: post #491

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I see your point here. On the other hand I wonder if we've prematurely jumped to this conclusion that non-immigrant Americans have this horribly individualist culture where we shun all our relatives once we have a professional job. Like, what actual evidence is pointing us to that? Is it just feelings, or is there some kind of metric we can look at? I don't have an answer, just thinking about it.

My example of immigrants was not to imply anything about non-immigrants. I used them simply because they're easy to distinguish (yes, profiling, I guess). I've definitely seen the same in non-immigrant families. Perhaps more likely from folks who do not come from major cities (I may be wrong). Definitely tend to see it more amongst LDS folks, but it's by no means limited to them.

I understand what you mean, I believe it was me who made that generalization first. It's hard to refrain from trying to make things follow a simple and explainable pattern.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#993

Post by AlwaysRock »

danbolt wrote: post #781
AlwaysRock wrote: post #439

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is the boyfriend 25? It took me until 25 to start being open to the idea of kids. I'm 27 now and actually open to the idea. I had never spent time with kids really. Having a niece and nephew helped a lot because I realized kids, while a lot of work, can bring a lot of joy.

That’s really interesting. What made you feel that your mind changed? When I was 25 I was much more open to children, but now at 27 I’m very sure I don’t want to have them.

Getting to know my niece and nephew. And talking to my brother in law as the kids grew up. I remember asking, "Doesn't the crying annoy you?" And he said something like, "You know I thought it would but when it's my kid it just sounds different. I don't get annoyed I just feel for them and want to do whatever I can to make them feel okay again."

Conversations like that and the emotional connection I have with their little ones made me realize it might be worth it.

At 27 I feel even more strongly. I'm still not ready to have kids but I feel a draw to it now.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#994

Post by magduf »

psychomugs wrote: post #824
cwp wrote: post #677

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a bout of this about 20 years ago, so I made a rule for myself: I wasn't allowed to decline an invitation. If somebody proposed doing something together and I was able, I had to do it. That made a huge difference in my life. I did a lot of things that were... unexpected. (A few examples: I joined an ultimate frisbee league. I went skydiving. I joined a church group. I went to a strip club. I attended a wedding.…

This guy took that idea to the extreme: built an app to randomly join random Facebook events and forced himself to go wherever it took him. https://www.npr.org/sections/alltechconsidered/2017/06/08/53...

Considering how Facebook is a haven for right-wing extremists, that sounds like a bad idea.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#995

Post by gnopgnip »

nugget wrote: post #15

Whatever it is today, I fear the future will be much worse. The most devastating existential consequences of loneliness can take decades to manifest. You feel a little lonely in your day to day life now, but wake up twenty years from now and realize you're socially isolated with no meaningful relationships or community and it's "too late" to make up the lost time. Most dangerous of all may be that online social netwo…

Lookup steven pinker. The short of it is even if there are certain things that seem like a big problem, overall right now is the greatest time to be alive in human history, and in 10 years, or 20 years, or 30 years the same is likely to be true.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#998

Post by germanlee »

kodz4 wrote: post #742
germanlee wrote: post #187

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Feminism is a symptom rather than the cause. The cause is the commoditization of humans into productivity and consumption units in a post-industrial environment where the state and corporations dominate. Corporations want to extract every bit of production and consumption out of individuals. A woman taking time off for pregnancy or deciding to become a stay-at-home mom is a drain on corporate productivity. And every…

> Society and culture doesn't grow organically. They are created and manufactured by the people with wealth and power. BS. You give them way too much credit. The world is too complex and dynamic for a queen ant to "create and manufacture" the efficiency of the ant hill.

I didn't credit them with creating the world. I credited them with creating society, culture, etc. It isn't really a matter of debate. It's well understood the elites create societies and the institutions underlying them. The masses didn't create the US government or any of the systematically important institutions. A handful of elites did. This is pretty much true of every country/society on earth throughout history.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#999

Post by bdamm »

RankingMember wrote: post #73
bdamm wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Then when she develops more serious health or mental problems, and you have nobody to help look after your children, relationship therapy has burned through a couple therapists, and you're telling each other how lonely you each are but avoid real conversations because they inevitably lead to more loneliness, then you will again have a new perspective. Good luck.

Damn, isn't there enough negativity in the world? You gotta bring that in here?

Well, this entire thread is about loneliness. If we want to understand it and help it then we probably should be talking about it.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#1000

Post by kadendogthing »

mensetmanusman wrote: post #982
kadendogthing wrote: post #477

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>I'm thinking specifically about the decline in church attendance. This is an often repeated point but I don't see how it has any credence. Most people who attend churches may talk with each other for just a few hours -- and personally I've found most churches don't really foster a socially-healthy atmosphere. And that's fine, that's not the goals of churches, never has been and most likely never will be. Churches if…

Lots of sociological data disputing this...

No there isn't.
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